White pages

[missmatilde]

which reminds me I should start working on my final project ;-)

[Period Piece]

I really like this, I think this is my favourite piece that you've written. Good flow too, great job here!

[missmatilde]

thanks John! :-) anything that could use some work?

[Period Piece]

I think that if you had a consistent rhyme scheme throughout, it'd help with continuity and flow. I think the vocabularly is good, I don't how you could improve that really.

[missmatilde]

thanks John for your help, speaking about rhyme scheme, the only point I can find is loved\roads... would it flow better with 'know I'm loved'->'feel them close' or 'know they're close'?
thanks again for taking the time, I'm really thankful :-)

[as_we_learn]

This was good Matilde. The flow was ok, but not like your other pieces that flow well. The first verse was the best part in my opinion. This is good Matilde so keep it up.

[missmatilde]

thanx JR :-) made my no-first-period morning turn from good I get to sleep in to great ;-)

[Period Piece]

thanks John for your help, speaking about rhyme scheme, the only point I can find is loved\roads... would it flow better with 'know I'm loved'->'feel them close' or 'know they're close'?
thanks again for taking the time, I'm really thankful :-)

I think it would definitely be better with 'know I'm loved' -> 'feel them close'

That sounds really good and flows well together!

And it's never any trouble, especially after you took the time to critique Melodies too! :-)

[missmatilde]

I changed it ;-) thanks so much for you'r help John! :-)

[a speedo model]

This was good, a few lines I didn't like that seemed forced to fit the rhyme. But overall this was good. Nice job.

[missmatilde]

thanks Josiah! :-) means a lot :-) if you'v time, which lines should I work on?