The aftermath of the break up

[oldwirehands]

So if you remember my last thread in here, I just got out of a two year relationship over a month ago. Since then, I've either been really depressed or really happy. I hardly eat anymore, I lay in bed for about six to eight hours of the day (after waking up), and my self-esteem is as low as it can get.

My ex and I have recently been talking more and we've hung out a couple times. One of those times was last night and we ended up kissing. She told me today that she loves me. I haven't heard her say that in a long time. I guess you can say we're still in love but aren't making anything serious. I really don't know...

Anyways, to top all of this off, my parents have been pressuring me to get a job for the past week and now they're going to kick me out... I don't blame them at all, its clearly what I deserve. Its just kind of hard to get out of bed and look for a job when I'm clinically depressed. Like I said, I lay in my bed for hours and can't get myself out of it. I don't even remember the last time I went a day being completely sober.

I've been trying to take the band I'm in, full-time and it was going good until recently. My one and only guitar was stolen last Friday. Now I need to come up with some money for new equipment, on top of my debt (which is the number one priority of course). We have a good cd coming out, we've been making a lot of buzz with larger labels, we're trying to set up a tour in June and someone is setting us up a tour in August. This is the only part of my life that has been making me happy and giving me hope.

I'm a complete mess and I don't know how to get out of this hole I dug myself into. If I could go back in time one year ago, I could dramatically change the situation I'm in now but that obviously can't happen. I don't even know why I'm posting this really. Maybe someone will have some magically words of wisdom that will really speak to me? Maybe there is someone out there who could help me out. With what? I'm not quite sure, but I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do or where to go from where I'm at. Getting out of bed would be step one of course but for what? I feel like there is nothing out there for me at all. I literally feel like a complete waste of life and that is pretty much what I am right now

[theguilt engine]

Ah, man. Life's a tough road, and I wish I had good advice for you. Fortunately, I've never really been in any such situations. What's your band's name? Myspace or anything?

[ForeverInADay]

Ah, man. Life's a tough road, and I wish I had good advice for you. Fortunately, I've never really been in any such situations. What's your band's name? Myspace or anything?

http://www.myspace.com/thechemistvsthecomputer

[theguilt engine]

http://www.myspace.com/thechemistvsthecomputer

wait...where do you live?

[ForeverInADay]

wait...where do you live?

Toronto, I just went to his profile and grabbed the link though hahahaha I'm not in his band.

[oldwirehands]

To be completely honest, I really don't care about the band right now. I mean, I do but I don't feel motivated to do anything more than just practicing and playing shows. I used to spend my days getting our name out there through the internet, trying to hook us up with some shows, and getting label information, but now I can't even think about anything else but getting a job and getting the love of my life back. Both seem very unlikely. One more than the other. I'm just tried of trying.

[CountMeOut923]

I would talk to your ex. She was a huge part of your life obviously and she's confusing you with what she is doing. You can't be in this inbetween stage because it's messing with your head big time. And from that sound of it, that's really the last thing you need. You definitely should clear stuff up with her first and and get that straightened out.

[theguilt engine]

Toronto, I just went to his profile and grabbed the link though hahahaha I'm not in his band.

Oh...i was going to say. Since when are you from Indiana?! Haha.

[FondestMemory]

i'm not saying this to be a dick at all, but man the fuck up.

get out of bed. you wanna get out of bed, fucking do it. why? who fucking knows? you have as good an idea as anybody else. you wanna stop feeling sorry for yourself, fucking do it. you're 21. if you think life is over already, you're fucking screwed.

get a fucking job. bump the band up a notch. do whatever you need to do to become a functioning human again. it's not gonna happen for you. fucking make it happen.

as far as the girl, stop for now. hanging out and hearing she loves you and kissing her isn't going to help at all right now. it'll make things harder and worse. tell her you need time to get your shit together. once you're out of your hole, then see what happens. i'm not saying never talk to her again, but you're clearly in this hole because of her, so she shouldn't be the top person you're hoping to get you out of it. if you're this depressed, there's clearly more issues than just her. time away would benefit you both.

again, i'm not trying to be a dick. but i've been where you are when i was about your age. i've had friends in similar situations. feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for things to fix themselves never works. you wanna things fixed, fucking fix them.

[Name_Taken]

dude your band sounds sik as hell. i can definately see your band having a good future so i suggest you focus on it.

[oldwirehands]

i'm not saying this to be a dick at all, but man the fuck up.

get out of bed. you wanna get out of bed, fucking do it. why? who fucking knows? you have as good an idea as anybody else. you wanna stop feeling sorry for yourself, fucking do it. you're 21. if you think life is over already, you're fucking screwed.

get a fucking job. bump the band up a notch. do whatever you need to do to become a functioning human again. it's not gonna happen for you. fucking make it happen.

as far as the girl, stop for now. hanging out and hearing she loves you and kissing her isn't going to help at all right now. it'll make things harder and worse. tell her you need time to get your shit together. once you're out of your hole, then see what happens. i'm not saying never talk to her again, but you're clearly in this hole because of her, so she shouldn't be the top person you're hoping to get you out of it. if you're this depressed, there's clearly more issues than just her. time away would benefit you both.

again, i'm not trying to be a dick. but i've been where you are when i was about your age. i've had friends in similar situations. feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for things to fix themselves never works. you wanna things fixed, fucking fix them.

I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I'm getting what I deserve for besides my guitar getting stolen. Thats just ridiculous. I know nothing is going to fix itself but I'm at the point where I don't even care. I go through periods in my life where I just don't care about myself. I was doing really good until this girl broke up with me. Now my mood swings are back and its just fucking up a lot of shit.

[oldwirehands]

dude your band sounds sik as hell. i can definately see your band having a good future so i suggest you focus on it.

haha Thanks dude. I see them having a future as well. That is the reason I joined the band in the first place.

[Chancetobe]

Aww, I'm so sorry. I'd say just focus on one thing at a time. Besides, it's unlikely that more than one aspect of your life at a time will be amazing.

[oldwirehands]

So, I might get a job as a pipe fitter now. I told me ex last night to "Leave me the fuck alone". And things have been going great with the band. I'm still really hurt that I had to say that to her... She kind of put me in the position and gave me no choice. Maybe my words were harsh but she seriously pissed me off and fucked things up.

[Iamhome]

So if you remember my last thread in here, I just got out of a two year relationship over a month ago. Since then, I've either been really depressed or really happy. I hardly eat anymore, I lay in bed for about six to eight hours of the day (after waking up), and my self-esteem is as low as it can get.

My ex and I have recently been talking more and we've hung out a couple times. One of those times was last night and we ended up kissing. She told me today that she loves me. I haven't heard her say that in a long time. I guess you can say we're still in love but aren't making anything serious. I really don't know...

Anyways, to top all of this off, my parents have been pressuring me to get a job for the past week and now they're going to kick me out... I don't blame them at all, its clearly what I deserve. Its just kind of hard to get out of bed and look for a job when I'm clinically depressed. Like I said, I lay in my bed for hours and can't get myself out of it. I don't even remember the last time I went a day being completely sober.

I've been trying to take the band I'm in, full-time and it was going good until recently. My one and only guitar was stolen last Friday. Now I need to come up with some money for new equipment, on top of my debt (which is the number one priority of course). We have a good cd coming out, we've been making a lot of buzz with larger labels, we're trying to set up a tour in June and someone is setting us up a tour in August. This is the only part of my life that has been making me happy and giving me hope.

I'm a complete mess and I don't know how to get out of this hole I dug myself into. If I could go back in time one year ago, I could dramatically change the situation I'm in now but that obviously can't happen. I don't even know why I'm posting this really. Maybe someone will have some magically words of wisdom that will really speak to me? Maybe there is someone out there who could help me out. With what? I'm not quite sure, but I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do or where to go from where I'm at. Getting out of bed would be step one of course but for what? I feel like there is nothing out there for me at all. I literally feel like a complete waste of life and that is pretty much what I am right now

You're still digging. The only way to get out of the hole is to stop digging. Forget about the girlfriend, she is the least of your worries. When you put your relationship above everything else, you will fail at everything but that. When you put everything on a list by priority and focus your time and attention on those most important, you will succeed. For instance, You're in debt, do you really want to be 30 and still trying to get out of debt? Getting a job and repaying debt should be number 1 on your list right now. So focus all of your time and attention on that. Music seems to be important to you, so focus whatever time you have away from the job on that. Who cares what happens between you and this girl? If it doesn't work out, you'll find someone else without even looking. When you make other things take up your time, you don't spend any time looking for a girl and they just happen to fall into your lap. I've been where you're at now, luckily for me it was in highschool when my actions didn't really influence my income or social status... I'm lucky I got out of that way of thinking. My best advice would be to think positive. It might sound stupid, but do it. You'll feel a lot better, you'll stop being depressed, you'll stop worrying about relationships so much and just take things as they come.

[myantiyou]

Hey man, first off I'd like to say that you deserve kudos for the great music you and your band plays.

But yeah, you may not want to hear advice or much from some 16 year old, but I can hella relate to you right now. I'm in the same position.. I've been kinda depressed for 3 years now, and this year I thought I was going to be happy because I found this girl that made me feel like the happiest guy in the world. And finally on Valentines Day I found the courage to ask her out. (yeah, I know.. cliched huh.)

but then she changed, and I found that she was a complete bitch and she shifts friends and stuff like that. man, I was the hopeless romantic and I gave her space when she needed it and I wrote her a poem for Vday and did all this Romeo and Juliet kinda of shit for her.. of course not obsessively but I thought it'd be a nice semi-romantic thing to do, yeah?

I dont understand why so many people like her though, and just seeing her everyday at school makes me so fucking angry, I sometimes wish I could kill her if I could get away with it. But, I'm still moping around now and I'm not exactly laying in bed for 6-8 hours because thats not gonna do anything, from my experience. I'm still pretty depressed about it and I have the worst mood swings ever.. but what I try to do is just act as if nothing happened. I try to talk to my other friends and stuff.. even though I still get all silent and depressed at random times whenever I think about her.

Try to act as though nothing happened, I know its hard, but putting on a happy looking mask is better than not doing anything at all.

Your band sounds fantastic, I'm sure you guys can get far, just keep moving up the line. I'm so lame and mopey I rarely call my virtuoso guitarists anymore.. asdf.

But music definitely helps. Sitting at my drumset and beating away some rhythms to my mp3 player helps a bit.

Ah... but then again, high school relationships are silly. I guess I cant relate that much. But I'm still depressed and stuff about it.

Good luck man.

[oldwirehands]

You're still digging. The only way to get out of the hole is to stop digging. Forget about the girlfriend, she is the least of your worries. When you put your relationship above everything else, you will fail at everything but that. When you put everything on a list by priority and focus your time and attention on those most important, you will succeed. For instance, You're in debt, do you really want to be 30 and still trying to get out of debt? Getting a job and repaying debt should be number 1 on your list right now. So focus all of your time and attention on that. Music seems to be important to you, so focus whatever time you have away from the job on that. Who cares what happens between you and this girl? If it doesn't work out, you'll find someone else without even looking. When you make other things take up your time, you don't spend any time looking for a girl and they just happen to fall into your lap. I've been where you're at now, luckily for me it was in highschool when my actions didn't really influence my income or social status... I'm lucky I got out of that way of thinking. My best advice would be to think positive. It might sound stupid, but do it. You'll feel a lot better, you'll stop being depressed, you'll stop worrying about relationships so much and just take things as they come.

Yeah, repaying my debt is top priority. I told the girl to fuck off but she keeps coming back at me. I'm trying to squeeze her out of my life, as hard as that is. And you're right about getting that experience out of the way. I didn't really date until out of high school. Things have been looking up lately. We'll see how it all plays out. Thanks for the advice man. I really appreciate it.

[SaoMattie]

Writing about this stuff could be theraputic right about now. Iv been in a similar situation man, and honestly, time is the only thing that will help you. Hopefully you can just get over it one day like I did, things are so much better now and I have a much better lookout on life

[oldwirehands]

Hey man, first off I'd like to say that you deserve kudos for the great music you and your band plays.

But yeah, you may not want to hear advice or much from some 16 year old, but I can hella relate to you right now. I'm in the same position.. I've been kinda depressed for 3 years now, and this year I thought I was going to be happy because I found this girl that made me feel like the happiest guy in the world. And finally on Valentines Day I found the courage to ask her out. (yeah, I know.. cliched huh.)

but then she changed, and I found that she was a complete bitch and she shifts friends and stuff like that. man, I was the hopeless romantic and I gave her space when she needed it and I wrote her a poem for Vday and did all this Romeo and Juliet kinda of shit for her.. of course not obsessively but I thought it'd be a nice semi-romantic thing to do, yeah?

I dont understand why so many people like her though, and just seeing her everyday at school makes me so fucking angry, I sometimes wish I could kill her if I could get away with it. But, I'm still moping around now and I'm not exactly laying in bed for 6-8 hours because thats not gonna do anything, from my experience. I'm still pretty depressed about it and I have the worst mood swings ever.. but what I try to do is just act as if nothing happened. I try to talk to my other friends and stuff.. even though I still get all silent and depressed at random times whenever I think about her.

Try to act as though nothing happened, I know its hard, but putting on a happy looking mask is better than not doing anything at all.

Your band sounds fantastic, I'm sure you guys can get far, just keep moving up the line. I'm so lame and mopey I rarely call my virtuoso guitarists anymore.. asdf.

But music definitely helps. Sitting at my drumset and beating away some rhythms to my mp3 player helps a bit.

Ah... but then again, high school relationships are silly. I guess I cant relate that much. But I'm still depressed and stuff about it.

Good luck man.

Thanks you. I appreciate your kind words. I remember being your age. Its fun. You just have to not care about anything (except school of course) and just have a good time. I still have my best friend from my freshman year and a few others from high school in my life. We made priceless memories man. I dated three girls while I was in high school and I thought they meant something then, but they really didn't mean anything. There is so much better out there. After every failed relationship, the next one keeps getting better. You learn and become stronger from each one. Just remember that dude. Life is a huge learning experience. The lessons/problems get more complex but it becomes easier to get solve them the more you know. So when things get rough, take a step back and honestly evaluate yourself. I mean, I can bitch and moan all I want but its not going to help. The only thing that can really get you through a break up is time which sucks ass. That is why I end up making threads like this, make music, write, talk, or just do anything to let out some steam.

[myantiyou]

Thanks you. I appreciate your kind words. I remember being your age. Its fun. You just have to not care about anything (except school of course) and just have a good time. I still have my best friend from my freshman year and a few others from high school in my life. We made priceless memories man. I dated three girls while I was in high school and I thought they meant something then, but they really didn't mean anything. There is so much better out there. After every failed relationship, the next one keeps getting better. You learn and become stronger from each one. Just remember that dude. Life is a huge learning experience. The lessons/problems get more complex but it becomes easier to get solve them the more you know. So when things get rough, take a step back and honestly evaluate yourself. I mean, I can bitch and moan all I want but its not going to help. The only thing that can really get you through a break up is time which sucks ass. That is why I end up making threads like this, make music, write, talk, or just do anything to let out some steam.

Yeah, I think I should just drop it and move on. But thats the thing, its hard for me. I guess I'll just keep trying then.. thanks for your advice. I really do hope I'll have a better future.

And for you.. its hypocritical for me to say it but please feel better. I really would take your pain if I could. Sometimes I think if I could just absorb everyone's depression anger or bitchiness and just disappear with it. I know there are people out there that are there for you. Just keep holding on.

[colorlesscliche]

I've been so through so much shit the past five years, and I've realized everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to tell you to move on, because a lot of the times, that's the last thing you want to do. But what you should do is get out of bed, find a reason to get up, a reason besides her, and take it a day at a time. Don't forget about her, don't push her away, but don't obsess about it. Bringing yourself down will only limit what you get out of the life you only get once.