BrandNewRock05
08/14/03, 10:39 AM
>The Ant and the Grasshopper
>
>CLASSIC VERSION:
>
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
> grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer
>away.
> Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>
> The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
> out in the cold.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
>
>
> MODERN VERSION:
>
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for the
> winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and
>plays
>the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
> conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm
>and
>well fed while others are cold and starving.
>
> CBS, NBC, ABC, and CNN show up to provide pictures
> of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
>comfortable
>home with a table filled with food.
>
> America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
> this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed
>to suffer so?
>
> Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries
>when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse
> Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
> news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has
>the
>group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
> Tom Daschle &Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview
> with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
> grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make
>him
>pay his "fair share".
>
> Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
> Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The
>ant
>is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
>having
>nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
>government.
>
> Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
> grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
>before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
>single-parent
>welfare recipients.
>
> The ant loses the case.
>
> The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
> up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
> which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because
>he
>doesn't maintain it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
> The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related
> incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
>who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
>
>CLASSIC VERSION:
>
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
> grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer
>away.
> Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
>
> The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
> out in the cold.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
>
>
> MODERN VERSION:
>
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for the
> winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and
>plays
>the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
> conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm
>and
>well fed while others are cold and starving.
>
> CBS, NBC, ABC, and CNN show up to provide pictures
> of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
>comfortable
>home with a table filled with food.
>
> America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
> this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed
>to suffer so?
>
> Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries
>when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse
> Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
> news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has
>the
>group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
> Tom Daschle &Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview
> with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
> grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make
>him
>pay his "fair share".
>
> Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
> Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The
>ant
>is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
>having
>nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
>government.
>
> Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
> grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
>before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
>single-parent
>welfare recipients.
>
> The ant loses the case.
>
> The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
> up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
> which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because
>he
>doesn't maintain it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
> The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related
> incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
>who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican