New song. Comment and you become cool.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Here are some lyrics that I am just finishing on adding drums and bass and fills etc on. It's really cool in my opinion I would love to hear yours, I'll leave it up to you yo figure out the meaning. It does mean a lot to me. Comment!
__________


It's the residue you dare not breathe
It's the chamber you won't fill
The water that is to deep
But it's the encounter I will have to face

But how can I imitate perfection?
Something so flawless and graceful >Chorus<
Exceeding what's in me
Always sufficiant in it's dream
The belief of and end is what keeps me trying
But will I ever be... this.

As I mold inside their skin
Finally aware on what
I am truely upagainst
A power I can't explain, let temerity take me away

--Chorus--

Each glance is a flash of hell
This expectation
Is what brings me there
Sucess just seems so far away from here

--Chorus--

But how can I imitate perfection?
Something so flawless and graceful
Exceeding what's in me
Always sufficiant in it's dream
The belief of an end is what keeps me trying
But will I ever be this
Will these hardships ever seize?
And will I ever succeed in exceeding it
We may never discover what will become of me
Because I am still trying, still working
I'm still trying on becoming this

[lifelesslove]

not my favorite piece of writing, but it is really hard to impress me when i read lyrics, and the way that you put across your point, and put across a good point at that, it makes a very good fleshed out topic. I think it's just what I enjoy, to make something different, stop being cliche in writing. You put across the topic of perfection to a person or group, with the understanding that nothing you do can make you perfect enough to make them happy. I enjoy this piece of writing, really well done, i just don't see it in version....like with backgrounds. That doesn't mean i wouldn't mind hearing it though.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Hmm. thanks for your comment, but I'm not sure what you mean by backrounds? Also the song is not about trying to impress people. To make it easy to understand, I wrote this song because everyday I am forced to live out on how my brother is living out. He is pretty much perfect in everything he does. Whether its school, music or anything he will catch on and be the best at it. Everday I feel I am compared to him, I feel like if I am not just as good or as good as him that I am just a failure. In school if I get B's my parents make it likes its a sin because my brother has never done so. Also he is now getting looked at by major labels and is hanging out with famous musicians like Daryll from Glassjaw or Steve from Thursday. I myself am trying to suceed in music, but everything is so far and I feel like if I am not like him i probably won't suceed in ym dream. He also can play guitar, drums, bass, piano/ keyboard and violin better then anyone. He is just to much to live by and its not exactly jealousy that gets to me its more frustration. I probably will be writing more about this because it just is a daily struggle that most people dont have to deal with.


Comment more.

[bigweener]

i just wanna be cool :p

but yah, i enjoyed it. It didnt suck, and I think any song with a purpose, a meaningful purpose, to the author, is a good song. so thumbs up.

[DaneTheTrain]

I think any song with a purpose, a meaningful purpose, to the author, is a good song

Good point

[proeuthanasia]

i appreciate heartfelt lyrics. as you can ask a couple of people around here who know me fairly well, i think that factor can make or break an entire song. if you wrote about things you had never personally encountered, much less felt a time or two, your songs would have to rely solely on how well you 'fake it' when it is sung. if you understand what i mean. however, i believe that when you sing this song, even though it is not a spectacular piece of writing, that fact will dissipate behind the heart that radiates from it. in other words, it is good. not particularly excellent, but definitely writing well done. and the fact that the words truly mean something to you will just cause the song to shine when you sing it. great job.

[DaneTheTrain]

i believe that when you sing this song, even though it is not a spectacular piece of writing, that fact will dissipate behind the heart that radiates from it

Once again, another incredibul quotable from this thread.

[BuriedAlive]

truly i agree if you put alot of thought heart and emotion into the song whether its cliche or not its good enough for me. because your emotions and your heart can not be duplicated through a song. only writen like it without the meaning.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

You guys are saying its not spectacular and I cant agree with you more. I mean if i just free wrote a song my lyrics would be insane, thats usually what I start out with, but as I edit it into music it looses like amazing lines. But what i make up for is just the sound that makes the song so seducing and beautiful. In a month or two hopefully you'll see my progress. Maybe I will post a song before I actually put it into music jsut so you see what I mean.

[DaneTheTrain]

I know exactly what you mean youngblood, I liked the song, I thought it was good. But the whole thing about just freewriting lyrics. People that do that and think theyre good drive me crazy. Theyll write something pretty cool but it wont be put into music and theyre going around bragging about it (I have a friend like this). I just wanna tell her, ok, go try to write something like and blend it into music you write as well. Writing lyrics is the easy part. Writing original music is the hard part. And putting the two together seemlessly, well thats what makes you a rockstar.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Originally posted by DaneTheTrain
I know exactly what you mean youngblood, I liked the song, I thought it was good. But the whole thing about just freewriting lyrics. People that do that and think theyre good drive me crazy. Theyll write something pretty cool but it wont be put into music and theyre going around bragging about it (I have a friend like this). I just wanna tell her, ok, go try to write something like and blend it into music you write as well. Writing lyrics is the easy part. Writing original music is the hard part. And putting the two together seemlessly, well thats what makes you a rockstar.

Wow thanks for explaining me much better I didn't know if i was clear. But you are very right, I used to be a freewriter before I could play guitar and everything. My lyrics were so amazing like I could impress anyone, later as I progressed in my muiscal talent and developed a decent voice and the ability to play instruements, I started to blend everything together. Now the trick is I have to make parts that go witha guitar riff, plus it has so be a melody that suits my voice. Its extremely hard to pull of amazing. But when you do its so good. When I post my lyrics I dont even think that the people might not like them because I tottaly forget they dont hear the music that accompanies it. So how can you apretiate it? But to me the lyrics look amazing because they sound amaizng.