Her Sin

[Fallen_Tenshi]

No one would care
If she would even dare

To carry out this pleasing sin
Of cool, thin metal grazing her skin

The sharp perfect edges of silver
Touching her pale, impaired white complection

Red, glossy liquid dripping out
Like clear rain drops on the window pane

But the rain drops, would quench her thirst for water
The blade, would quench her thirst for, what?

The pleasure that would wash over her?
Like the soft touch of your first kiss,
The feeling you get, electricity?

She dosent want to feel regretable pain
No more feelings of intolerable hate, (that?) left it's stain

The last slice, she would feel that.
she would finally be happy
she would forget about that pain
Leave it all behind

But when you find her
Drowning in a pool of her own hate, anger, sadness, and regrets
Remember, that she has left those feelings behind
They have been drained out of her, finally

It has made room for the feelings she has yearned, so passionatley for
It would be better that way
Dont make her regret her deciscion, and stay

[ItzEILEEN92]

uh... i think i get it.... :-) I liiike it!
i liike how u used sumin different to tell bout himm..... kinda... isnt wutt this is about...??

[Fallen_Tenshi]

lol thx, eh its not entirely bout him. xD

[lostfear]

overused subject matter. good imagery. although I didn't want to imagine it.

cutting is disturbing.

why anyone resorts to it. I will never know.

[CellarGhosts]

I kind of agree with what Jake (lostfear) said. the subject matter has been done a bit, although the imagery was solid. however, cutting is a touchy subject...but nonetheless, I thought this was good.
keep at it, you have lots of potential.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

I kind of agree with what Jake (lostfear) said. the subject matter has been done a bit, although the imagery was solid. however, cutting is a touchy subject...but nonetheless, I thought this was good.
keep at it, you have lots of potential.

thx, yea, i guess it wasnt the best subject..., but thx, i will write bout different things now i guess lol

[CellarGhosts]

Nah, write about what you want. just be careful to avoid being cliche when you do it.
If you want to write about cutting, go right ahead. but, if you do want to write about other things, you're more than welcome to haha.

But still, dont make it the only thing you write about. try to vary your topics.
just trying to help you out though haha, as like I said, you do have lots of potential.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

just trying to help you out though haha, as like I said, you do have lots of potentialheh thanks, ^^
yea, be sure to comment the next one i have. i want to know how to write better, thx for the tips =]

[CellarGhosts]

sure thing. always glad to help, and to give out the best advice I can.
:-)

[CellarGhosts]

oh, and two spelling errors I noticed:

desision = deciscion
passionatly = passionatley

I know, not such a big deal, but misspelled words do throw people off sometimes.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

hehe wow thx, ok, yea but thx for pointing it out. ^-^

[CellarGhosts]

no problem

[absent-minded]

That was awesome. =]

Your imagery is very descriptive. Amazing how I can picture the whole scene. =P

Your english teacher would be impressed.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

hehe thx, ngoc
Mr. De Stefano, god... >.>

[absent-minded]

oh, and two spelling errors I noticed:

desision = deciscion
passionatly = passionatley

I know, not such a big deal, but misspelled words do throw people off sometimes.

That's wrong too.. it's Passionately

[CellarGhosts]

shit, my bad. mustve been a typo or something. i tend to get letters out of order.
but oh well...the piece was still good.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

haha, thanks dude.
and thank you ngoc