Long title...

[CellarGhosts]

If They Ever Make a Movie About My Life,
Make Damn Sure They Get Morgan Freeman to Narrarate It

We're broadcasting our stuttering heartbeats,
Out to all these unappreciative ears.
Oh we're constructing the perfect war machine,
But our coattalis and neckties got caught up in the gears.
We'll build it on the stage,
"Scene politics" is the new war we wage.

[chorus]
Fill the rafters with these words,
Spill the colors we bleed into the sentences we slur.
I tried to remedy this diagnosis,
But each attempt has been in vain.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to forget about you,
Maybe things will never be the same.

These cities are strings of faulty bulbs
Glowing in blues and oranges in the nights,
We roam their solemn streets,
We're shot down in mid-flight.
It's constructed on the stage,
A monument to the days we've wasted in this empty rage.

[repeat chorus]

This story won't have another tragic ending
We'll regain control of this uncertanity
This confusion will lift with the fog that drapes this town
We will rise....

[repeat chorus again]

[as_we_learn]

haha man I love the title. Shawkshank Redemption reference or just Morgan Freeman being so kick ass haha?

I loved the chorus up until the last two lines of it. The flow kicks ass as usual. I like it alot one of my favorite if not favorite. Good job man

[CellarGhosts]

haha yeah, mostly a refrence to the Shawshank Redmpetion, but also a refrence to him being kick ass in general. Also, Million Dollar Baby is on TV right now, and he narrates that one too, so yeah haha..

anyway thanks JR, glad you liked it.
oh, and one more post and you're at 1,000 dude! congrats haha

[as_we_learn]

Thanks man. This is it my 1000 post. Man Took me a while. Damn man ur almost at ur 3000 post. U kick as at everythin haha. Teach me

[CellarGhosts]

hahaha thanks man.

teach you? haha the best advice I can offer is:
drink lots of Pepsi
eat at Subway alot
listen to lots of good music
watch Futurama alot haha

but really, just keep on writing man, youre getting better and better.

[as_we_learn]

haha I need pepsi I only have coca cola damn. I go to Quiznos nd I watch the Simpsons alot. Damn I'm outta luck haha

[CellarGhosts]

Pepsi = Coke ...depends on which Im in the mood for.
Subway >>>>> Quiznos haha. by far.
Smpsons = Futurama ...both hilarious shows, which I love both of haha.

so yeah man, that's my schedule. do so, and youll be great too in no time haha.
but really, thanks for digging my stuff so much dude, I really appreciate it.

and like I keep saying, you keep improving your writing man.

[Period Piece]

Good job Chris, I really like this and the flow is brilliant as usual! I'll critique more thoroughly once it's finished! Keep it up!

[AP_Punk]

I like it, so far. Good stuff, Chris!

Haha, and the title is awesome.

[CellarGhosts]

Thanks, John and Kirbie! means alot.

and yes haha, glad you liked the title :-D

[lew_1987]

This was great. however this line: "But our coattalis and neckties got caught up in the gears." seemed to break the flow. don't get me wrong, i like the line, but it just seems to much of a mouthful really, and ruins the momentum slightly. definitely finish this though, its good stuff so far.

[CellarGhosts]

Thanks, Lew. glad you like it. I agree, now, after reading that bit out loud, the line is kind of a mouthful, and does kind of break the flow like you said. thanks for the help; I'll see if I can work with that bit to get it right.

thanks again man.

[Thankuverymuch]

You are a really great writer, your stuff is always enjoyable to read

[CellarGhosts]

hey thanks, it really means alot :-)

[CellarGhosts]

You are a really great writer, your stuff is always enjoyable to read
...have you read other stuff by me and not commented? because Ive never seen you round here before haha.
just wondering, since you said "always enjoyable" to read, so Im just curious if you "lurk" in this forum so to speak haha.

but thanks again.

[Cheshire_Buddha]

I like it just because you refrence Morgan Freeman in the title.

[CellarGhosts]

haha yeah yeah

[CellarGhosts]

alright, I finished it up...

[a speedo model]

Really good, man. This actually reminds me of the stuff I had been writing a year or so ago, imagery wise that is. Very nice indeed.

[pearljamontoast]

Oh people are strange and wonderous creatures. When they feel threatened by talent so they use language to compliment but put down all at the same time.

Nice job mate.

[OveriseFan]

Oh people are strange and wonderous creatures. When they feel threatened by talent so they use language to compliment but put down all at the same time.

Nice job mate.

What are you talking about...?

[CellarGhosts]

Really good, man. This actually reminds me of the stuff I had been writing a year or so ago, imagery wise that is. Very nice indeed.
Wow, thank you very much Josiah! It's awesome that this reminded you of the stuff you were writing a year or so ago, as Id say youre probably my favorite writer on here. Maybe in a years time then, my stuff might rival yours...but I guess within a years time youll be even better than you are now...so...ok that theory is completely blown to hell. fuck.

hahaha but anyway, thanks man. I appreciate it.

Oh people are strange and wonderous creatures. When they feel threatened by talent so they use language to compliment but put down all at the same time.

Nice job mate.
thanks, mate ;-)

What are you talking about...?
to be honest, Im not totally sure what she means by that myself haha.
but oh well...

[musicroxmysox]

wow chris i like it your stuff tends to be awesome though haha:-) i've read some of your other stuff but just never posted in here and i gotta say i don't know how you do it i could never write like this, i mean i write poetry sometimes but i don't like it. i like this one a lot though you should write lyrics for a band you could come up with some catchy shit:-)

[CellarGhosts]

haha, thank you very much Michele :-)
means alot.

and how do I do it? practice, practice, practice, practice, etc haha. alot of the criticism people have given me here the past few months has really helped develop my writing too.

and if you have poetry youve written, feel free to post it. Im sure people will be helpful with it, so long as you really display some effort. but if you dont feel like posting them, its cool haha.
but really, this forum has helped develop my writing style loads.

and I am trying to get a band together right now, but no luck so far haha.

[Thankuverymuch]

...have you read other stuff by me and not commented? because Ive never seen you round here before haha.
just wondering, since you said "always enjoyable" to read, so Im just curious if you "lurk" in this forum so to speak haha.

but thanks again.

yeah i often lurk the forums without posting but this time i decided to let you know that i thought it was good

[Period Piece]

Great job on the finished article Chris, this is one of the best pieces of yours that I've seen. Keep it up!

[pearljamontoast]

What are you talking about...?


Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about OversizeMouth.

[CellarGhosts]

yeah i often lurk the forums without posting but this time i decided to let you know that i thought it was good
Ah, I see. thanks, though! glad you enjoy my work :-)

Great job on the finished article Chris, this is one of the best pieces of yours that I've seen. Keep it up!
Thanks alot, man. I appreciate it.

[OveriseFan]

Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about OversizeMouth.

I don't understand why the fuck people have such a big problem with me in this forum, but I guess I'll just leave the lyrics forum for good.

Peace out everyone, PM me if I like you.

[as_we_learn]

I don't understand why the fuck people have such a big problem with me in this forum, but I guess I'll just leave the lyrics forum for good.

Peace out everyone, PM me if I like you.
No dont James man. You're too cool to not be here anymore

[CellarGhosts]

pfft, James wouldn't ever leave us

...right? :unsure:

[OveriseFan]

pfft, James wouldn't ever leave us

...right? :unsure:

No dont James man. You're too cool to not be here anymore

I said, if you like me, PM me, we'll work something out.

I'm done with this shithole though. I've tried rebuilding it, I've tried to create a community, but again and again total douchebags ruin it. (Four people come to mind... plus the one in this thread.)

[as_we_learn]

I said, if you like me, PM me, we'll work something out.

I'm done with this shithole though. I've tried rebuilding it, I've tried to create a community, but again and again total douchebags ruin it. (Four people come to mind... plus the one in this thread.)
Damn man I thought you were just joking with us regulars. Isnt there a way we can make a forum that is exclusive to the regulars here?

[black rose]

Oh, come on James. I know you've probably said you were leaving before but seriously, don't. I couldn't even remember all the times you've helped me tremendously in my writing, and I'd like to think I've helped you just a little bit. I know I can speak for all the regulars that we would love if you just stuck it out for a while longer. Don't go anywhere, man. :-(

[musicroxmysox]

haha, thank you very much Michele :-)
means alot.

and how do I do it? practice, practice, practice, practice, etc haha. alot of the criticism people have given me here the past few months has really helped develop my writing too.

and if you have poetry youve written, feel free to post it. Im sure people will be helpful with it, so long as you really display some effort. but if you dont feel like posting them, its cool haha.
but really, this forum has helped develop my writing style loads.

and I am trying to get a band together right now, but no luck so far haha.


you're welcome haha

well yeah i haven't really written anything for a while so i guess i should probably get back in the habit of doing that. if i get some stuff together anytime soon i'll post it and you guys can let me know what you think:-) oh yeah you mentioned you had had a band last year in the fall out boy thread good luck with that it took my brother a while to get his band together he finally found some friends that could play guitar and sing but he'd been looking for a while.

[black rose]

So Chris, I'm finally getting to this one. lol. Anyways, I enjoyed this a lot. I didn't like the last two lines of the first stanza or the last two lines of the chorus. I did really like the last part where it's really 'uplifting' I guess you could say. Nice job.

[CellarGhosts]

you're welcome haha

well yeah i haven't really written anything for a while so i guess i should probably get back in the habit of doing that. if i get some stuff together anytime soon i'll post it and you guys can let me know what you think:-) oh yeah you mentioned you had had a band last year in the fall out boy thread good luck with that it took my brother a while to get his band together he finally found some friends that could play guitar and sing but he'd been looking for a while.
Sure thing, Id be glad to help/critique your stuff.

and yeah, getting a band together is a definate struggle haha. hopefully though it does work out soon enough.

Damn man I thought you were just joking with us regulars. Isnt there a way we can make a forum that is exclusive to the regulars here?
Sadly, no...I wish there was though.

I said, if you like me, PM me, we'll work something out.

I'm done with this shithole though. I've tried rebuilding it, I've tried to create a community, but again and again total douchebags ruin it. (Four people come to mind... plus the one in this thread.)
Damn dude...I thought you were being sarcastic, like JR said.
Well, yeah, I can PM you now and then, if thats what you mean...but yeah, its gonna be weird in this forum without you around.

I do see what you mean though, about people coming in and ruining it...
but Im not sure at all who these "four people" are...

So Chris, I'm finally getting to this one. lol. Anyways, I enjoyed this a lot. I didn't like the last two lines of the first stanza or the last two lines of the chorus. I did really like the last part where it's really 'uplifting' I guess you could say. Nice job.
Ok, on a more positive note haha, thanks Melissa!
Im glad you really liked it, and I see what you mean about the lines you didnt like...they are kinda "iffy" to me...and yeah, I was going for that whole "posi-core/uplifting" thing haha, like you said.
Thanks again :-)

[black rose]

Posi-core. Love that. :-)

[CellarGhosts]

Yup yup, haha. me too.

stuff like Comeback Kid, Latterman, Set Your Goals, etc...
good stuff.

[lew_1987]

i've just read it over again. i still like it, its good. the last line is very comeback kid-ish :-)

[CellarGhosts]

Thanks, Lew, glad you still like it.

and thanks for the CBK comparison too haha