another new song...

[BuriedAlive]

wrote it today in 3rd period. didnt really get a chance to look over it only when i was typing it. so it might be pretty bad.

as we walk to our lonely grave
we see the look on every starving face
the walk for miles, food scarce
water piluted, life so hard
everytime we look, couldnt help but to look away
malnutrion, eating away, dissolving into the blood stream
eating anything and everything, just to make the pain go away
they are marked by starvation, destroyed by population
why do we care? we are greedy, selfish, unruling
bridges, torture, money, population increase
with every new baby, we see just another dying face
population, uncontrolled, food, theres never enough
my lisfe so easy, in comparison to them
food rations, never enough to go around
lacking what they need, medical care, nonexistent
you have to produce your own remedy
every child sick, hunger running wild
skin and bones, all that i see
a tear drowns me as i walk through the town
its like a graveyard without the tombstones
they are so lifeless, hungry, malnurished
will we ever find the answers
solve the problem, maybe lend a helping hand.

[Alex Djaferis]

its alright, i dont see how itd work in a song tho. it looks like something out of a novel at times. but its still pretty well written.

[BuriedAlive]

damn i never thought i could write something like a novel but i know it can work in a song. i will have to delete some stuff make it shorter but it will work. but thanks for the comments

[TheFallenScene]

Agrees with Peedster pretty much. Shorten it a little and you said it was kinda rough draft. But I always like most of your songs dude. Can't wait for more.

[BuriedAlive]

thanks for the comments from you 2 any other comments on my song??

[**michelleV**]

It's a good song. It reminds me of a World Vision commersial or tho. Some third world country that needs help or something

[BuriedAlive]

it is about a third world country.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
it is about a third world country. aw sweet! I actually understood what the song was about. Your back to school? cause you said you wrote the song during 3rd period

[BuriedAlive]

ya im back in school, and im like the "hottest" thing in school as the girls say. its weird high school kinda sucks. they ask to much outta you, i just wanna have fun.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
ya im back in school, and im like the "hottest" thing in school as the girls say. its weird high school kinda sucks. they ask to much outta you, i just wanna have fun. LOl! the "hottest" thing in school! High school goes like this - you fuck up the first two years. Freshmen year and sophomore year and you make up for it the last two years you junior and senior years. Unless your smart and do good in school.

[BuriedAlive]

ya im smart and i do good and school and im not joking about the "hottest" kid thing either, like 10 girls are like blah blah your hot im like fuck you.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
ya im smart and i do good and school and im not joking about the "hottest" kid thing either, like 10 girls are like blah blah your hot im like fuck you. Hey! thats so fucking mean!

[BuriedAlive]

ya it will come back and bite me in the ass one day but any suggestions about the song?

[**michelleV**]

Yeah title it. Is it hard to come up w/ a good titles for you?

[wewin]

dude, just rape one of those girls. when she tells her friends call her a liar.

your song sucks. stop whining and do something. a good political song provides solutions; yours just tells us about a problem. we all know the problem exists, and you've done nothing to further our understanding. a song with a message should have a message that's worth my time, and this one isn't. i've already heard it before. write it in a better way, too. the writing level is pretty poor. learn to spell: seriously. you wanna know something really scary? like over half the US pop can't spell correctly. yeah. good job on your way to becoming one of them. learn the difference between "your" and "you're". it's not "piluted" it's "polluted". don't bitch at me about not knowing how to spell, fucking look up words in the dictionary or ASK someone. DICTIONARY DOT FUCKING COM. learn to spell. and then learn to write.

[BuriedAlive]

dude i just typed it up i didnt do spell check or anything i wrote the song in one of my classes then typed it up i didnt have time to go back and make sure every little damn mistake was corrected. i do know the difference between your and youre and polluted. but the i and o are side my side, and when i was typing i must have missed it because i was reading what i wrote from off the piece of paper.

and dude not everyone has time or knows how bad it is. thats what i tried to show obviously you didnt catch it or care about what is happening in those third world countries. i do and thats why i wrote about.

and you cant write about the problem being solved because it isnt anywhere near it. ya some people go over there and help every now and again. but it world hunger will never end.

[wewin]

if your song was trying to show how bad things are, it didn't do a very good job. the presentation was unmemorable, unoriginal.

and you should just take more care with your spelling. it's annoying that no one can be bothered to fix their retarded typos anymore.

[xAlexisonfirex]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
ya im smart and i do good and school and im not joking about the "hottest" kid thing either, like 10 girls are like blah blah your hot im like fuck you.


you are the biggest douchebag i have ever seen.

where do you live montana?

[BuriedAlive]

can you not read you dumb bitch? im from florida.

[BuriedAlive]

are you mad because you can barely keep a gf?

[BuriedAlive]

and i was joking, i wouldnt say that to a girl but i would say it to someone like you alexisonfire, also that band sucks (alexisonfire).

[**michelleV**]

Chris i wanna see a picture of you!

[xAlexisonfirex]

No dude, i called you a douchebag cause you just told a bunch of people who don't care that "like 10 chicks called you hot".

NOT because you told those girls, in an ever so cool and suave way (because obviously thats the only way you do it) to 'fuck off'.



Douchbeag Level: Elevated.


i don't bother keeping a "gf". i'm not down with the being tied down to one girl, i dunno....just not my thing.

[DaneTheTrain]

Ok, I had never read this thread until like 5 minutes ago and holy shit...I think youre the front runner for the "Biggest Dueche in the Universe" contest. Seriously, what the hell kind of a dick head goes around telling people in an online lyrics forum how hot chicks at school think he is?! I bet your the ugliest little shit east of the mississippi. And theres some pretty damn ugly people in the south. And by the way, youre songs shit. No structure, no parts that really grab your attention, and terrible job at trying to get accross your point.

[BuriedAlive]

Originally posted by DaneTheTrain
Ok, I had never read this thread until like 5 minutes ago and holy shit...I think youre the front runner for the "Biggest Dueche in the Universe" contest. Seriously, what the hell kind of a dick head goes around telling people in an online lyrics forum how hot chicks at school think he is?! I bet your the ugliest little shit east of the mississippi. And theres some pretty damn ugly people in the south. And by the way, youre songs shit. No structure, no parts that really grab your attention, and terrible job at trying to get accross your point.

dude i probably am the ugliest guy east of the mississippi but the girls must not think that. i never said this song was any good it was just something stuck in my mind and i tried to get it out. i havent worked on it, i just posted it after i wrote it. i would rather have comments before i put all my work into a song then after i put alot of hard work into it. and dude just cuz i dont write my songs like everyone else verse chorus verse bridge chorus or whatever that bullshit is doesnt mean i dont have structure. to you it doesnt have structure but to me it does. you might think its just a whole bunch of words together but i dont. i can find the structure in it, i hate writing and singing choruses. im weird, but different in my style of writing.

[wewin]

in this forum we comment on lyrics, right? there's a general forum for us to make fun of each other.

[xAlexisonfirex]

oh shutup mom.

[BuriedAlive]

hey you guys are either mad or happy but im not gonna post on abspunk anymore.

[xAlexisonfirex]

sniff.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by xAlexisonfirex
sniff. thanks alot!

i liked Chris!

[xAlexisonfirex]

talk to him on aim.

[**michelleV**]

oh i plan to.