Syringes and a Ballot of Love

[FiNcH'sLuLLaBy]

Syringes and a Ballod of Love

Wait for the sun to rise
As the day fades from the night
The chills run straight down
And disappear without sight
Pitch black down to the spine
It has broken me and tore you apart
The broken needles stuck in my arms
Bleed out the fluid left in our hearts
We’ll never sleep
These needles have blacken us
We’ve grown to far apart
Separation
Needles stuck through my heart
Let my heart bleed
I need this
Something to keep me awake
No one must see me
I fear my sudden fate
Syringes stuck in my arms
And we met in the emergency car
Bloody hearts
Such romance
As we held hands in the ambulance
A sudden rush of blood
Smears across my face

(I’ll hold your hand honey
For tonight will be beautiful
This is a ballod of love
I need this
I need you
Love will never end
What is that sticking out of your hand?)

Let me sleep
Take the syringe out of my hand
Before I die
Let my heart bleed
This is a ballod of love

[xxMichaelxx]

bravo

[wewin]

i dare you to write a song without mentioning blood. could you even do it?


your song is just like almost all the other songs on this forum: it's cliched and about how much you got hurt.

please don't write anymore songs like this. i used to try to point out, specifically, which things were wrong with a song, i used to be nice and helpful, but nothing i ever said mattered. you people just keep writing about the same thing, over and over and over again. there's more to life than just being sad and hurt all the time, so if you're writing songs about your experiences, then why don't you just write about some HAPPY experiences?


ballot? like a voting ballot?

or did you mean ballet? like the style of dance?

[FiNcH'sLuLLaBy]

not everything i write is sad or uses "blood" in it. you look at one piece of writing and go off...calm down

if everyone writes the same excat thing, why don't you write about something different, maybe somehting like when you got laid or something. but why rip on someone who writes about something not so positive. so, i'm not writing a song about my love to some chick, so then it must be crap and not even worth reading? i put the song on the site so people can read it and give me ideas to make it better.

so, go write your "mary had a little lamb" stuff and stop trashing stuff that isn't so positive, you saw the title you didn't have to read it. so, next lovey dovey song i write i'll send it to you first since you must only like POSITIVE stuff.

[TheFallenScene]

Isn't it umm.."MARY Had a Little Lamb"?..I'm just wondering :confused: . And there are a lot of songs about blood and so on. I still like it, good job.

[FiNcH'sLuLLaBy]

Yea, it is MARY, i was gonna say something else and forgot to erase the word, lol. thanx for the nice comment, would you suggest i add or get rid of something from the song.

[xxMichaelxx]

wewin, i know he said ballot, but i think he meant ballad. or maybe he is just stupid. jk seriously, tho, Finch's Lullaby, this is a hard croud to please. in order to impress wewin and his ilk, you gotta come up with something that hasnt been done before, or write from a differnent perspective

[wewin]

you missed my point, whoever wrote this song. sad songs aren't bad, just make them uniquely sad. i mean, the trend now is to write songs just like the one you wrote, so to make your song stand out you have to make it seem special.

[dakknox]

i think the song is pretty rad, i personally don't like the part "What is that sticking out of your hand?" it seems like a part that could easily be left out. i really like this song you've written. I wrote some stuff a month or 2 ago on this site, check it out some time, we have some similar ideas in our writing

[Rufio217]

Originally posted by FiNcH'sLuLLaBy
not everything i write is sad or uses "blood" in it. you look at one piece of writing and go off...calm down

if everyone writes the same excat thing, why don't you write about something different, maybe somehting like when you got laid or something. but why rip on someone who writes about something not so positive. so, i'm not writing a song about my love to some chick, so then it must be crap and not even worth reading? i put the song on the site so people can read it and give me ideas to make it better.

so, go write your "mary had a little lamb" stuff and stop trashing stuff that isn't so positive, you saw the title you didn't have to read it. so, next lovey dovey song i write i'll send it to you first since you must only like POSITIVE stuff.


DUDE, you put your song up for criticism, wewin didn't "rip" into you, or flip out on you, your right you did put it up for people to look at and tell you how to make it better so why is it when he tries you tell him to "calm down" when he wasn't even flustered, he's telling you what he thinks about your song, and how it is like so many others. He simple said to make it sound new and original instead of the usually i lost her, i'm heartbroken, i'm gonna die.

there was a time when wewin would go through line by line, and help people fix it and make it more enjoyable to read, but no one payed attention, hell i often times disregaurded half of what he said, b/c they were my songs, and they were great to me, and i thought that was all that mattered, but you will soon realize as i did, that if he tells you it's old and boring, it probably is. he didn't tell you to change it he just stated that he would've like to hear more upbeat experiences.

i will give you valuable advise........"If you just want people to praise your work, then write that...write....just tell me my song is awesome, otherwise expect criticism, that's how you mature adn get better in your writing style

What the fuck is "mary had a little lamb" writing style? last i knew wewin wasn't mother goose writing nursery rhymes, your a young buck in the forums...you should take the advise to heart and listen and learn to those who have been here...b/c just like you they have faced the criticism, and have learned from it....you have got to be less defensive about your songs, some of them will just suck well others may be good, but just remember him telling you his opinion isn't an insult it is simply constructive criticism, use it well, and don't cry about it from now on.