Watercolors

[OveriseFan]

Meh, the first 'real thing' I've written in months. We'll see what you guys thing, I'm phlegmatic about it. I might start

Watercolors

I mixed watercolors on a dry pallate,
And painted a new world for all of us.
I threw the canvas away,
Trashed in an alley,
Somewhere in the city.

Did you ever believe in anything?
Are you fighting for a cause or for nothing?
Can you lie awake at night,
Everyone else sleeping,
What are you dreaming of?

And we both fell asleep
Under your parent's oak tree
On a lawn,
Wet with dew,
Well, how are you?
Yeah, how are you?

Stay up, dream, wake up without me...
Does it bother you that I'm all right with this?

I tried to re-write my life to create,
A storybook ending, and illustrate
A much better picture,
I swear I don't miss her,
I'm all right, I'm all right.

And we both lie awake,
In our own seperate beds.
Old records,
Collecting dust,
It wasn't love,
No, never love.

Stay up, dream, wake up without me...
Does it bother you that I'm all right with this?

Does it bother you that I'm all right with this?

[a speedo model]

Hmmmm, this actually started off a bit "meh", the first verse could use work, but became quite great. Everything after the "Are you fighting for a cause or for nothing" line is very good. A few parts seem a bit off. But I think it's solid, just work on the beginning.

[a speedo model]

I'll go a bit more in depth tonight, haha. I have to run in a minute..

[lew_1987]

it was pretty good but the flow was very good throughout.

[to kill this]

i liked it a lot. the flow was a bit awkward every now and then; but i guess i'd have to hear it. good job though

[CellarGhosts]

I thought this was good, save for the first stanza, which was pretty weak, IMO.

Good job all in all though.

[matt_rawlings]

There are some great moments, and no fault with the flow, but I just couldn't connect with about half of it

[xsxarexsoxscene]

i love the first stanza. overall, i think the piece was full of passion and interesting imagery. i liked it a lot.

[OveriseFan]

Wow.

I didn't expect this kind of a reaction. Where's Tariq to knock me down from my pedestal?

I might write this on piano, simply because both my acoustic and electric guitars are fucked up.

[yoyoninjagirl]

Nice, I liked it!

[CP_Ree]

Great flow.

[ArTkY_]

I already told you what I thought about your writing in general lately, and this follows the same pattern.

Keep trying though.