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h0merg0mez
06/12/07, 06:16 PM
I've got a catchy little tune in mind for these lyrics, in the vain of Ben Folds. Just some little improvements or replacements would be handy and much appreciated...as well as a better title maybe? Thanks!




~VERSE UNO~
The future has arrived already
It’s come on strong and I’m not ready
Think I’ll take my lawnchair and pack it in
A thousand things that I could do
And none of them have to do with you
But I can’t get your cocky face off my mind


~PRE-CHORUS~
The days get longer
My skin keeps getting whiter, oh


~CHORUS~
What do I have to do to get a look in my direction?
I’ll never know
Can I say, “Look in my direction!”


~VERSE DOS~
I’ve got bad luck it seems
You’ve got a lot of nerve and I’ve got a lot of big dreams
I think I can live them out
But if I can’t - I’ll have to pack it in
And set up somewhere else
My hair gets longer
My face keeps getting whiter


~CHORUS~


~BRIDGE/END~
I met my future self one day
he said, “why did you make those choices?
what did I ever do to you?
Boy you gotta chuck yourself into what you want
You can’t let it come to you!”
And I said, “Fine”
And I spent the day inspired
Then the next day I laid around and ate donuts…

XxIronistxX
06/12/07, 07:14 PM
hmm...the last line is very random.

yoyoninjagirl
06/12/07, 08:18 PM
hmm...the last line is very random.
I agree lol

to kill this
06/12/07, 09:57 PM
haha i agree as well. your rhyming, rhythm, flow...everything...it's just off, like reallyyy off. but maybe that's what you're going for? i don't know, but i'm personally not really feeling it. there were some good lines "Boy you gotta chuck yourself into what you want
You can’t let it come to you!” i thought that was good...but like there were bad ones. "The future has arrived already It’s come on strong and I’m not ready" i just find it annoying and uncreative when people rhyme the same words or practically the same words right after each other. keep writing, keep reading others' work, and better luck next time.

I'm DC
06/12/07, 10:00 PM
The future Conan?
http://www.contrahour.com/contrahour/images/conan_in_the_year_2000.png