IamRoshon
06/12/07, 10:10 PM
This sort of started as a thought dump/poem. But then I decided to toy with it and make it rhyme like a song. I think my ideas are better conveyed in the poem, but I like the flow of the song. However, i wonder if the rhyming of the lyrics made it sound too corny. So, I decided to post both and get your input. My original ideas are at the bottom for comparison.
Let me know what you think!
“Eyes Closed Open” (rhyming)
A lost passion drifts and floats at sea.
From here I fail to grasp what belongs to me.
Separated by land and circumstance, I cannot leave this round.
Tied down and suffocated, my arms are bound.
Too quickly my life turns, kart wheeling out of control.
My life spins on, without my soul.
[chorus]
With my eyes closed open, I see the shores.
My heart soars grounded, and the sun opens doors.
My body sprints stationary across the white sands.
The warmth crawls outside in as I raise up my hands.
In the car with the windows rolled,
the air beneath lifts my mind from the road.
The warm night breeze hits the side of my face,
and the song in my ears finds my thoughts out of place.
Against the glass, plastered and trapped,
I try to break through, making the present past.
[chorus]
Only where the asphalt ends and sand begins,
Only where the skyline melts into flat horizons,
Only where I can immerse my body into waves,
Only in the great expanse that my heart craves,
Only when the sea seeps through my veins,
can I free myself from all the pains.
[chorus]
And my soul:
My soul is free.
Rising, falling, it sails on the sea.
It takes me away from this harsh and wave-less desert
Beyond the streetlights and cityscapes that have come to hurt,
My heart finds hope, the strength to cope.
On the ocean’s shore, I am lost no more.
"Wave-less Desert" (unrhyming poem-like thing)
A lost passion drifts and floats at sea.
I am called. But separated by land and circumstance, I cannot leave this place.
Too quickly my life turns, kart wheeling out of control.
Tied down and suffocated, my chest is confined and my arms are bound.
I long to tumble, I long to fall; But life spins on.
In the car with the windows down, the warm night breeze hits my face
The air beneath my arm lifts my mind from the road.
The song in my ears sends my thoughts against the glass.
Plastered and trapped, I try to break through.
Only where the asphalt ends and sand begins,
Only where the skyline melts into flat horizons,
Only where I can immerse my body into waves,
Only in the peaceful existence of expansive waters,
Only with these gifts God gave can I free myself from the pains.
My eyes closed open, I see the shores and stars
My heart soaring grounded feels the sunshine crawl from outside in.
My body sprints stationary across the warm white sands.
And my soul,
My soul is free.
Rising, falling, it sails on.
It takes me away from this harsh and wave-less desert
Beyond the streetlights and cityscapes,
my heart finds hope at sea.
Let me know what you think!
“Eyes Closed Open” (rhyming)
A lost passion drifts and floats at sea.
From here I fail to grasp what belongs to me.
Separated by land and circumstance, I cannot leave this round.
Tied down and suffocated, my arms are bound.
Too quickly my life turns, kart wheeling out of control.
My life spins on, without my soul.
[chorus]
With my eyes closed open, I see the shores.
My heart soars grounded, and the sun opens doors.
My body sprints stationary across the white sands.
The warmth crawls outside in as I raise up my hands.
In the car with the windows rolled,
the air beneath lifts my mind from the road.
The warm night breeze hits the side of my face,
and the song in my ears finds my thoughts out of place.
Against the glass, plastered and trapped,
I try to break through, making the present past.
[chorus]
Only where the asphalt ends and sand begins,
Only where the skyline melts into flat horizons,
Only where I can immerse my body into waves,
Only in the great expanse that my heart craves,
Only when the sea seeps through my veins,
can I free myself from all the pains.
[chorus]
And my soul:
My soul is free.
Rising, falling, it sails on the sea.
It takes me away from this harsh and wave-less desert
Beyond the streetlights and cityscapes that have come to hurt,
My heart finds hope, the strength to cope.
On the ocean’s shore, I am lost no more.
"Wave-less Desert" (unrhyming poem-like thing)
A lost passion drifts and floats at sea.
I am called. But separated by land and circumstance, I cannot leave this place.
Too quickly my life turns, kart wheeling out of control.
Tied down and suffocated, my chest is confined and my arms are bound.
I long to tumble, I long to fall; But life spins on.
In the car with the windows down, the warm night breeze hits my face
The air beneath my arm lifts my mind from the road.
The song in my ears sends my thoughts against the glass.
Plastered and trapped, I try to break through.
Only where the asphalt ends and sand begins,
Only where the skyline melts into flat horizons,
Only where I can immerse my body into waves,
Only in the peaceful existence of expansive waters,
Only with these gifts God gave can I free myself from the pains.
My eyes closed open, I see the shores and stars
My heart soaring grounded feels the sunshine crawl from outside in.
My body sprints stationary across the warm white sands.
And my soul,
My soul is free.
Rising, falling, it sails on.
It takes me away from this harsh and wave-less desert
Beyond the streetlights and cityscapes,
my heart finds hope at sea.