PDA

View Full Version : Building on a Breakdown


liveloud4life
06/15/07, 09:01 AM
Intro:
Now open your ears and incline them this way
And I'll preach how potential unfurls.
I'll sing you a psalm of the fate of your dreams
If they rest in the hands of the world.

Verse:
A girl up on high
On a column grounded with gold.
She weathered the storms
Of the sky with foundations of faith.
A boy from below
Watched awed by her day after day,
Assured of her strength
And her balance to hold 'till the end.

Bridge:
Then one calm summer night, in the doldrums of strife,
With particular absence of noise,
She hurled herself willing to the rocks below killing
Herself and the faith of the boy.

Chorus:
So mind my words, boy, when I tell you,
Keep your dreams to yourself and entrust no one else
With regards as they turn to regrets.
Because letting you down is their forte.
You can't stop the world, and by no means a girl
From succeeding at what they do best.

Verse:
A beacon of light
Received by one lost and alone.
A man mostly dead
In the midst of perpetual night.
The last legs of chance
Push longingly out through his toes
To reach what must be
Salvation to free him at last.

Bridge:
He lay at the light and he lifted his sight
To a silhoette blocking his view.
Hid dying remark, "Take me out of the dark!"
He said, "Son, I'm as lost here as you."

Chorus:

Breakdown:
And the higher you build them, the harder they fall.
They talk the talk well, but they crash as they crawl.
Get your hopes even higher, up to oaths that don't break,
Well above all these failures, to the God of all faith.

Outro:
All's well that ends well, but the world ends in flames.
This world's safe as a shipwreck. Only one stays the same.
Where's your dependance going when the going gets tough?
So the question I ask, "Are you hopes high enough?"

liveloud4life
06/15/07, 08:56 PM
I'm looking for some advice. The second line in the outro. I was looking for a word for a long time. It read, "This world's sure as _____." I was looking for something that meant not dependable with either 2 or 3 syllables and that preferrably started with an s. I came up with shipwreck and changed it to safe but I'm not sure I'm satisfied with it. If anyone has any suggestions they'd be appreciated.

liveloud4life
06/16/07, 10:20 PM
No suggestions at all? Someone say something please. If that's fine or if you have something else or if you hate it or whatever, just give me some kind of feedback.

ahumananomaly
06/19/07, 08:29 AM
I actually liked it...I'm sorry I can't give any advice. It's fine to me.

TheComeBackKid
06/19/07, 10:43 AM
Pretty good

zombiebrains
06/19/07, 10:51 AM
I know it doesn't start with an s but asylum (spell) comes to mind? Mostly because it gets the feeling of being alone across and the inability to depend on anyone or anything. Not to mention the imagery of lacking light.

SLADE775
06/19/07, 11:47 AM
This is sloppy and poorly done.... the content is worthless as well.

liveloud4life
07/10/07, 06:11 PM
This is sloppy and poorly done.... the content is worthless as well.

Can you be any more vague? I looked at ur threads and everything you've ever said is negative, not only that but you cite no references. Ever. You just thrive off putting down everything and everyone you come in contact with. I have no idea who you are, but I have a pretty good idea that you're probably the biggest pessimist on the planet, you're very rarely happy, and have extremely low self-esteem. Did daddy not hug you enough? All in all, I pity your entire life. And for you to be so cynical of my poetry, your's sucked as much if not more. Can you spell couplets? And from checking out other posts in your threads, I'm not the only one who thinks so.

"I know it doesn't start with an s but asylum (spell) comes to mind? Mostly because it gets the feeling of being alone across and the inability to depend on anyone or anything. Not to mention the imagery of lacking light."

I really like the idea behind asyllum, alot better than what I have, but I can't figure out any way to work that in. Thanks anyway.

OveriseFan
07/10/07, 06:43 PM
Can you be any more vague? I looked at ur threads and everything you've ever said is negative, not only that but you cite no references. Ever. You just thrive off putting down everything and everyone you come in contact with. I have no idea who you are, but I have a pretty good idea that you're probably the biggest pessimist on the planet, you're very rarely happy, and have extremely low self-esteem. Did daddy not hug you enough? All in all, I pity your entire life. And for you to be so cynical of my poetry, your's sucked as much if not more. Can you spell couplets? And from checking out other posts in your threads, I'm not the only one who thinks so.

"I know it doesn't start with an s but asylum (spell) comes to mind? Mostly because it gets the feeling of being alone across and the inability to depend on anyone or anything. Not to mention the imagery of lacking light."

I really like the idea behind asyllum, alot better than what I have, but I can't figure out any way to work that in. Thanks anyway.

Slade is a key member of this forum. Get out if you don't like it.

And why do you always take shots at 'his life'? As far as I remember he's engaged and has a pretty good job to boot. He seems to be pretty happy to me...

He's also a far better writer than 95% of this forum.

vandalsandquinn
07/10/07, 06:44 PM
Baaaaaaaaaaaaah I LIKE TO SCREAM

OveriseFan
07/10/07, 06:54 PM
Baaaaaaaaaaaaah I LIKE TO SCREAM

hXc-izzle

thegraveyard
07/10/07, 08:59 PM
Slade is a key member of this forum. Get out if you don't like it.

And why do you always take shots at 'his life'? As far as I remember he's engaged and has a pretty good job to boot. He seems to be pretty happy to me...

He's also a far better writer than 95% of this forum.

are u the one thats engaged to him???? just a question u guys seem pretty fond of each other.?!

OveriseFan
07/10/07, 09:49 PM
are u the one thats engaged to him???? just a question u guys seem pretty fond of each other.?!

*teehee* :giverose:

penguinvspanda
07/11/07, 01:36 AM
i didn't like it all ether it just seemed cliché and bland to me

thegraveyard
07/11/07, 06:59 AM
*teehee* :giverose:

lol is that a yes. hey by the way, srry about yesterday. i was having a horrible day and everything was going wrong. so i just snapped on u. so srry about that.

liveloud4life
07/16/07, 11:36 AM
Slade is a key member of this forum. Get out if you don't like it.

And why do you always take shots at 'his life'? As far as I remember he's engaged and has a pretty good job to boot. He seems to be pretty happy to me...

He's also a far better writer than 95% of this forum.

I don't "always" take shots at his life. I made one assumption because it's common of pessimistic people that seem to always put others down to do it because they are very insecure about themselves.