Suburban Sleep

[as_we_learn]

Ok this is the only the thing I've been able to write that I thought was alright. Everything else is just really bad so yeah. Here you go hope you guys enjoy it.
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My friend here's a ring that will wrap around your conscience.
Withit will come a new tasteful satisfaction,
but the result will render me useless.
Half of me will fade along with the insecurities
that will stay in this town for a new teenage sin.

Suburban sleep isn't helping this city state of mind.
While the neighborhood's street signs report their decline
towards my decision on this cross road blues
that I've been humming along smoothly paved curbs.

Here's another lesson learned on the enlightened sidewalk.
A sweet tender glow radiates off the fresh concrete.
Will spilled confidence begin to run towards sewer lines
or into our tantalized stubborn minds.

Suburban sleep isn't helping this city state of mind.
While the neighborhood's street signs report their decline
towards my decision on this cross road blues
that I've been humming along smoothly paved curbs.

Well now it's time to reach the parking lot.
Where we have grown tired of our stale love life.
The routine that held us up against a car
will soon let us burn out until we fall.

[CellarGhosts]

Good job, JR. I really liked this one.
I know Ive said this several times haha, but this is probably my favorite piece of yours.

again, really good job man. love the chorus.
keep it up.

[as_we_learn]

Thanks Chris man. Anything wrong with it like flow or something.

[CellarGhosts]

hmm...no, not really, actually.

only one line, "Will spilled confidence begin to run towards sewer lines"
sounds a little 'off', like the word "will" should be something else...or something.

other than that, nothing really wrong with it.

[as_we_learn]

Thanks again Chris. As usual you kick ass.

[CellarGhosts]

haha sure thing.

[as_we_learn]

Your Favorite Bumping

[milkman_332211]

Is there a melody to this or a chord progression under or is it just poetry?


Matt

[XxIronistxX]

i really like this one..

[as_we_learn]

Is there a melody to this or a chord progression under or is it just poetry?


Matt
Its got a pop punk feel melody thing going I dont know how to explain it. Anyway man did you like it and if not may I ask whats wrong with it?
i really like this one..
Thanks Amber I appreciate you reading.

[thegraveyard]

this is pretty good, i like it

[lew_1987]

this was very good. i liked the chorus a lot. i think the second verse could do with a bit of work but other than that it was cool.

[as_we_learn]

this is pretty good, i like it
Thanks a lot. I appreciate you reading means a lot.
this was very good. i liked the chorus a lot. i think the second verse could do with a bit of work but other than that it was cool.
Thanks Lew. I thought that the second verse did need some work, but more so the third verse. Thanks again for reading.

[Fallen_Tenshi]

yes, good job JR =]

[as_we_learn]

Thanks a lot Krista it means a lot.