Delicate Nothing

[agloriousruin]

Let's share our stories like someone is listening
So they can pretend that the diction is interesting
As we dance in the shadows we'll hold our own
'Cause nobody else will believe that it's so

Light up the sky and scream
Delicate eyelids bleed
And then we'll go home and be
A shattered catastrophe

Go to your stations and hide out there patiently
We'll send you a messenger letting you know its safe
As you rip out their hearts, I'll mutiny
And leave without speaking of anything
Chorus

You're a delicate nothing
Who's lacking in style
Please watch where you're jumping
'Cause the end's still a while
Away
Chorus

[a speedo model]

This is the best thing I've read by you, I think. Very good. The last two lines of the chorus seemed a bit...rushed, I dunno, it felt like you could have something better. And I'm not sure why but the line "Who's lacking in style" didn't fit for me. But overall, I liked this alot, Rob. Nice work with this one, nice work.

[KidLightning]

I really like it Rob, though I agree with the dude above that a few lines could use a little editing, but overall very nicely done!

[agloriousruin]

Thanks to you both. I'll take a look at those lines and see what happens.

[KidLightning]

Thanks to you both. I'll take a look at those lines and see what happens.
I think the "Who's lacking in style" line could be improved if you just dropped the "Who's" and left it at "Lacking in style".