another song no one will like (especially wewin)

[GREENatarisDAY]

its not done yet i just wanna know if its any good so far

and i said
will my future ever be as bright
as those stars
or will it just be painted black
like the nights sky
am i wasting away every moment dreaming
or am i dreaming of a moment i can waste
because this feelings getting to the point where its as stale as my hopes

cant see down this road
because the sleet
is shooting into my eyes
oh how i hate winter

[TheFallenScene]

To many songs about the sky and the stars and it isn't that good anyways. Work on it and show off your finished project. Good luck.

[wewin]

and i said
will my future ever be as bright
as those stars
or will it just be painted black
like the nights sky
am i wasting away every moment dreaming
or am i dreaming of a moment i can waste
because this feelings getting to the point where its as stale as my hopes
the stars/night sky thing was once unique, but now it is just overdone and, consequently, inexpressive. Additionally, "paint it black" is also overdone. The "wasting....waste" lines don't work so well. the "so sick of being tired/oh so tired of being sick" kind of line where you switch the front and back is dangerous to use; often it just comes off as unnecessary and not very clever. It kind of cancels itself out and turns into filler...it doesn't make much sense, especially coupled with the last line.

cant see down this road
because the sleet
is shooting into my eyes
oh how i hate winter
this stanza is terribly unpolished...the language is just bad teenage poetry.

Sometimes you manage to do something unique and suprising...this just isn't one of those times.