PunkRocks
08/27/03, 11:34 PM
Ok, I dunno how long this will be, but I'm pretty sure it will be long and confusing. So either stick with me through this, I appologize for the troubles you'll have, or you can just skip reading it.. and not reply... but this is something I have to get out somewhere... so here it goes.
Ok, two of my best friends (Trent: guy, and Natalie:girl..... ages 19 and 15, respectivly) were introduced to each other by me last winter. I didn't like 'introduce' them like try to get them to date, they just both went with me to a concert. Well immediately Trent started to like Natalie, without even knowing her. Natalie knew this for a long time, but never claimed to like him back. She even openly said she didn't like him to a lot of people. But Trent didn't give up, because Natalie still teased him and all that stuff, but she didn't know she was doing it. So Trent keeps falling and falling for her, until finally he convinves her to kiss him. She still claims not to like him, yet Trent starts to consider them dating. I, who automatically get pulled into the middle of this, am hearing things from both sides that I'm 'not supposed to tell the other' .. so it's really hard to give advice and everything. Especially since my feelings all along were that this relationship should not happen no matter what. Especailly because Trent is getting made fun of by everyone for trying to get with a 15 year old, and her blocking him so much. Well their relationship keeps furthering, until Trent is dead-set on the fact that they are dating. Then Natalie does something real stupid, and goes and makes out with one of Trent and my friends... then tells us both. This absolutely tears Trent apart, who has been claiming that he is actually falling in love with her. Trent immediately drops into even more depression, and blames himself for 'not being good enough.' She eventually tell him that shes so so so sorry (even though him and I both know that she isnt) yet he likes her so much that he lets it go. Well about 3 weeks pass and she goes on vacation to Hawaii, while there she does something even stupider than before. She hooks up with this guy and they basically do everything except have sex. Well again she comes back and tells me, then tells Trent. Trent hits rock-bottom here... he can not take it and breaks down emotionally on all aspects. He crys uncontrolably, screams, and starts cutting himself. He even stops eating for several days, to punish himself for not being good enough. Yet eventually Natalie suckers him back in, but still leaving Trent torn to peices. All along I have been talking with Trent, trying to get him to be reasonable and get out of this relationship that is tearing him apart. He won't listen, because he's 'in love.' They continue to have their fake relationship... Trent still depresses, and Natalie still is flippant between liking him and not liking him. Well Trent just left for college last week, and now Natalie's realizing that she really misses him... and is pulling the chain and making him want to come home every weekend to see her, even though it doesnt matter that much to her.
Here is a part from his most recent LJ post:
"I've got so much to say that I don't know where to start.
I'm tired of college.
I miss Natalie, and really look foward to our talks at night.
I still really don't like myself. At all.
Thoughts of Hawaii still haunt me like a nightmare. I still cry about it.
I still feel sick to my stomach a lot more than I should.
I'm going to therapy soon, if I can convince myself I'm not a waste of their time.
I still call it love.
I'm sad right now.
I feel like I'm just killing time.
Natalie makes me feel like things are fine.
I need more friends I can hang out with.
I should find some self- confidence/esteem/respect."
and
My head and my heart just don't agree on Natalie. I'll give each side a chance to come out in full force now. By the way, my heart is nice and cute. My brain is an asshole.
Heart.
You love that girl so much. She makes you so happy. Sure she has her imperfections, but we all do. I can't think of another girl that you'd rather be with. You know you could stay with her for as long as she'd let you, or as long as circumstances allow. Sure, it's long distance but it's not that long distance. Courtney and you did fine for a long time, and that was six hours apart. You could drive home and see her. She could come see you if she could. I'm sure that if you both wanted it, it could definitely be worked out without too much trouble. Live while you can. Be with her while you can. You don't know what the alternative is. You may meet someone, but as far as I know they won't be half what Natalie is. There's aren't (m)any girls that are.
Head.
Idiot. We all know that you're not going to work out. She'll get tired of waiting for you. She'll be living her own life. She's a hot girl that's going to be attracting guys by the droves. You think she's going to wait around for you? She's not, you sap. It's long distance. You know how bad that sucks. You're just going to run out of money, breaking your back coming back and forth to see her. And then one day, you're going to come home and find her making out (or worse) with some guy. It's happened twice without any warning. It's almost killed us both each time. You think I want it to happen a third time? Nope. So why don't you stop living in your cute little delusion and come back to reality where the rest of us realize you're a retard.
I believe that my brain has the more compelling argument here. But right now, I don't give a fuck. I love her, and that's what counts for right now. I'm just not looking foward to the inevitable "I told you so."
Ok, and thats basically my rough draft version of the background story. Im sure I left a lot out, and I just kinda wrote it straight as it came to mind.My problem, though is what I'm about to address.
Since this whole thing started, it has slowly pushed Natalie and my friendship apart. We hung out significantly less, as Trent pushed his way into her life. I didn't want to be around the both of them together, because it bothers me to see all that fake. Natalie also stopped telling me her feelings about Trent, because she knew I told her what needed to be said.. not what she wanted to hear. Now it's becoming that way with Trent. He's become so infatuated with her being everything he needs that he's basically worthless. The only thing that matters to him is being with her or whatever, and he is ruining his life. Most of his and my conversations are about her/his problems... and they are usually arguments. It's tearing our friendship (I have and still do consider him my best friend) apart and I feel like I can't do anything to help it. Every time he gets in his super-depressive moods and I try to talk to him about it.. or give him suggestions to help... he gets super offended and all pissed and stuff... and I just don't know what to do.
This is absolutely killing me. Having already lost one friends to this relationship, and on the verge of losing my best friend... I don't know what to do. Watching him fall apart like this is the most horrific thing in my life, and it's starting to tear me apart too.....
Ok, two of my best friends (Trent: guy, and Natalie:girl..... ages 19 and 15, respectivly) were introduced to each other by me last winter. I didn't like 'introduce' them like try to get them to date, they just both went with me to a concert. Well immediately Trent started to like Natalie, without even knowing her. Natalie knew this for a long time, but never claimed to like him back. She even openly said she didn't like him to a lot of people. But Trent didn't give up, because Natalie still teased him and all that stuff, but she didn't know she was doing it. So Trent keeps falling and falling for her, until finally he convinves her to kiss him. She still claims not to like him, yet Trent starts to consider them dating. I, who automatically get pulled into the middle of this, am hearing things from both sides that I'm 'not supposed to tell the other' .. so it's really hard to give advice and everything. Especially since my feelings all along were that this relationship should not happen no matter what. Especailly because Trent is getting made fun of by everyone for trying to get with a 15 year old, and her blocking him so much. Well their relationship keeps furthering, until Trent is dead-set on the fact that they are dating. Then Natalie does something real stupid, and goes and makes out with one of Trent and my friends... then tells us both. This absolutely tears Trent apart, who has been claiming that he is actually falling in love with her. Trent immediately drops into even more depression, and blames himself for 'not being good enough.' She eventually tell him that shes so so so sorry (even though him and I both know that she isnt) yet he likes her so much that he lets it go. Well about 3 weeks pass and she goes on vacation to Hawaii, while there she does something even stupider than before. She hooks up with this guy and they basically do everything except have sex. Well again she comes back and tells me, then tells Trent. Trent hits rock-bottom here... he can not take it and breaks down emotionally on all aspects. He crys uncontrolably, screams, and starts cutting himself. He even stops eating for several days, to punish himself for not being good enough. Yet eventually Natalie suckers him back in, but still leaving Trent torn to peices. All along I have been talking with Trent, trying to get him to be reasonable and get out of this relationship that is tearing him apart. He won't listen, because he's 'in love.' They continue to have their fake relationship... Trent still depresses, and Natalie still is flippant between liking him and not liking him. Well Trent just left for college last week, and now Natalie's realizing that she really misses him... and is pulling the chain and making him want to come home every weekend to see her, even though it doesnt matter that much to her.
Here is a part from his most recent LJ post:
"I've got so much to say that I don't know where to start.
I'm tired of college.
I miss Natalie, and really look foward to our talks at night.
I still really don't like myself. At all.
Thoughts of Hawaii still haunt me like a nightmare. I still cry about it.
I still feel sick to my stomach a lot more than I should.
I'm going to therapy soon, if I can convince myself I'm not a waste of their time.
I still call it love.
I'm sad right now.
I feel like I'm just killing time.
Natalie makes me feel like things are fine.
I need more friends I can hang out with.
I should find some self- confidence/esteem/respect."
and
My head and my heart just don't agree on Natalie. I'll give each side a chance to come out in full force now. By the way, my heart is nice and cute. My brain is an asshole.
Heart.
You love that girl so much. She makes you so happy. Sure she has her imperfections, but we all do. I can't think of another girl that you'd rather be with. You know you could stay with her for as long as she'd let you, or as long as circumstances allow. Sure, it's long distance but it's not that long distance. Courtney and you did fine for a long time, and that was six hours apart. You could drive home and see her. She could come see you if she could. I'm sure that if you both wanted it, it could definitely be worked out without too much trouble. Live while you can. Be with her while you can. You don't know what the alternative is. You may meet someone, but as far as I know they won't be half what Natalie is. There's aren't (m)any girls that are.
Head.
Idiot. We all know that you're not going to work out. She'll get tired of waiting for you. She'll be living her own life. She's a hot girl that's going to be attracting guys by the droves. You think she's going to wait around for you? She's not, you sap. It's long distance. You know how bad that sucks. You're just going to run out of money, breaking your back coming back and forth to see her. And then one day, you're going to come home and find her making out (or worse) with some guy. It's happened twice without any warning. It's almost killed us both each time. You think I want it to happen a third time? Nope. So why don't you stop living in your cute little delusion and come back to reality where the rest of us realize you're a retard.
I believe that my brain has the more compelling argument here. But right now, I don't give a fuck. I love her, and that's what counts for right now. I'm just not looking foward to the inevitable "I told you so."
Ok, and thats basically my rough draft version of the background story. Im sure I left a lot out, and I just kinda wrote it straight as it came to mind.My problem, though is what I'm about to address.
Since this whole thing started, it has slowly pushed Natalie and my friendship apart. We hung out significantly less, as Trent pushed his way into her life. I didn't want to be around the both of them together, because it bothers me to see all that fake. Natalie also stopped telling me her feelings about Trent, because she knew I told her what needed to be said.. not what she wanted to hear. Now it's becoming that way with Trent. He's become so infatuated with her being everything he needs that he's basically worthless. The only thing that matters to him is being with her or whatever, and he is ruining his life. Most of his and my conversations are about her/his problems... and they are usually arguments. It's tearing our friendship (I have and still do consider him my best friend) apart and I feel like I can't do anything to help it. Every time he gets in his super-depressive moods and I try to talk to him about it.. or give him suggestions to help... he gets super offended and all pissed and stuff... and I just don't know what to do.
This is absolutely killing me. Having already lost one friends to this relationship, and on the verge of losing my best friend... I don't know what to do. Watching him fall apart like this is the most horrific thing in my life, and it's starting to tear me apart too.....