Spent You

[dude]

Christmas Eve will never be the same.
You left
you're not coming back
wish I had said good bye
but I didn't
You weren't supposed to go
You were learning to walk again
Then it all went wrong

I spent so much of your life
fighting me
I didn't know
how much that life cost
the supply so low

You left a few lose ends
but not by design
Its not what you wanted
and neither did I
But life happens
and so does death

I hope I'm taking care of things
I hope you approve
I could probably do better
sometimes I lose sight
then I collect myself
when I'm still at ngiht
Maybe you're shaking your head
the same way you used to
You are probably wondering
why I'm wasting time on a song
Won't make me money
won't pay the bills
won't earn me prestige
Your shoes are still unfilled

I miss you, I really do
But I still don't want to be you
But I don't want to fight you
Maybe now you can see
Who I've been and who I'll be
it was always my way
on my terms.
that's how I'll stay
even now that you're away
and not coming back.


NOt very structured, I know. It would probably be a bit tough to adapt to a song

[dude]

no comments?

[Alex Djaferis]

its got a few real good lines. You often start the verses real well but then the last lines seem to be either really out of place or just not very good.

"You left a few lose ends
but not by design
Its not what you wanted
and neither did I
But life happens
and so does death"

for example, its simple but awesome until..."but life happens and so does death"...its a bit offputtin towards the rest which flowed really nicely.

"You are probably wondering
why I'm wasting time on a song
Won't make me money
won't pay the bills
won't earn me prestige
Your shoes are still unfilled"

eh. really unecessary.


the rest is ok, really simple and all. but it flows.

[dude]

thanks for the feedback.

I have a couple more that are further down on the board. It would be really cool if you could check those out as well.