Revive and Relive

[thegraveyard]

this is the 4th song in the 12 song process...any comments taken


I swear our fighting never ends
where ever i go your sure to follow
what ever i do your shadow is over me
like a halk that stalks it's prey
will i ever escape you steel grip

Is this the way you will always be?
you and your shadow hovering over me
trying to escape your drunken fits
in the shadow of my lonely room

and that night they told me
that they'ed put you away
is the night that i've been awaiting
and breathing for that day

I want to revive
and i want to relive
all the days of happiness
that you took away from me

Now im here in this trashed out place
where the drugs are passed around
and sickness is a regular thing

i now find i am in the middle of this mess
where drugs and acohol are what i live for
how addictive they are
and not before long it sucks you in

I want to revive
and i want to relive
all the days of happiness
i took from myself

how i got here i will never tell
but after i was caught i surely as hell
wont think about doing it again
and when i find myslef once more
the happiness i lost i will try to restore

I want to revive
and i want to relive
all the days of happiness
that were taken away from me

comments???

[thegraveyard]

anything at all...no i guess not...well...comment p

[SLADE775]

This is horrible.... words can't even express how awful your writing really is.

[thegraveyard]

anyone else have anything to say???

[a speedo model]

Ehhhh, I didn't like this at all.

1) Spelling mistakes are annoying, correct them before posting. I don't mind one or two due to not paying attention, but come on, it's ridiculous at times.

2) The imagery was uninteresting. Nothing stood out and drew me in. It all felt bland.

[thegraveyard]

thanks

[thecurerocks182]

I agree with everything that has been said. However, try not to be disheartened by what critics have to offer, as it should be taken to improve your writing, which is the purpose of this lyrics forum. If you are serious about writing you will not be discouraged by these harsh criticisms, but compelled to improve. Anyways, take care.

PS - check out my thread please.

[thegraveyard]

thanks. i wont be discouraged.

[emotionaleraser]

As words, I wasn't all that interested. However, music can do amazing things for not so good writing. Plenty have bands have stuffed their lyrics in the backseat of the car and let the flow of the melody do it's own thing. The spelling DID get to me though, might want to get that fixed. Words are all about a continuous dream, and when you break the dream because you have to go back and fix a word, mentally, yourself, well...you just can't get into what you are reading.

[leezer]

listen to coconut skins by damien rice, it'll give you an idea of how to say something old in a new way, most of his stuff will.

[thegraveyard]

alright thanks everyone