The Exit To The End

[takingthursday]

The Exit To The End (This Is Where I Want To Be)

To the girl with that smell
That just stays afloat
And lingers throughout the air
With all that mystery and mind control
Leaving me with my hand reaching out
Trying to feel the skin that you lay in (angel)

These notes and screams
My closed eyes and wandering desires (wishes)
Hoping you'll just say one word, sing one note
You're the piece I need
To finish this puzzle
The scene inside that completes me

With your hand tangled in mine
We'll together head down that road
To encounter the red lights and stop signs (warning signs)
Forks in the road
Realizing we left the map behind
While yet still ignoring all these yield signs

Reaching the finale weathered and worn (torn)
Where words we'll no longer share
And everything we wish we'd say
Will just stay in our minds
To keep our conscience occupied

And all those past memories we once enjoyed
Will be the noose to end this compromise
What a sweet compliment
To the poison at the bottom of this glass

As I sit here and reflect
Sip away at the solution in this cup (poison in this cup)
When it'll finally dawn on me
Just to let you stay alive in your sleep (in your dreams)
And deprive you of my lip's touch

Piece by piece
I take myself apart
And put away what I don't need
And this one last piece in which I'm left
Shows me what it means to be

Who do you think it is that I see
On this one last piece
That familar lingering smell
The same silk touch
It's about time (I see the truth) I fell

[wewin]

Your writing just strikes me as a derivative and uninspired blend of all your favorite bands (TBS, Thursday, Brand New, that kind of stuff). You offer nothing new to this style of writing and you are not yet so accomplished in it that you're any good at it. Too often your words fall flat. Your sentences tend to
ramble and lose all their power by their end. Your word choices help to kill my interest in your songs by the end of the first stanza, if not sooner. Not only do you not have anything new or interesting to say, but you also do not say it with any style or originality or in any marginally clever way.


My closed eyes and wandering desires (wishes)<--what's this? What's with the paranthetical clauses? Wishes ARE desires...what, is there someone doing that trendy screaming thing in the background? WIIIIISHEEEESS!!! Is someone whispering it? WIIIIIIIISHEEEESSSS!!! Explain yourself, because if you have something so important to say that you draw attention to it with parantheses, it better damn well be good. As far as I can tell, it's just another bland word in another bland song by you, another bland writer.

You're the piece I need
To finish this puzzle
The scene inside that completes me
I've heard this before. This is like Britney Spears-style pop song writing...this is shamelessly unoriginal and boring.

I thought that I'd do a piece-by-piece critique, like I usually do, but then I realized that there's only so many ways to same the same thing: I didn't want to waste my time revealing to you, over and over again, that your song was boring, unoriginal, lacking in substance and style, and flat out dumb. It's one thing to be unoriginal. I mean, you can write about cliched things in a new way and have a great song, but you didn't even do that. It's like the only songwriters you know about are from the TBS/BN school. You write about girls and sadness and melancholy in such a cliched way and then you do without any strong writing to back it up. You use no interesting words, no strong verbs or nouns. You use the boring and overworked images of poison, lipgloss, graves, nooses, and sweet, sweet death. This idea of writing about you and a girl dying, since when has that been emotional at all? It sounds like a child's view of life, immature and whiny and rather vague in the end.

And I know it won't make any difference to you, you'll still keep writing the same songs about the same things. I'll keep looking at your songs and I'll keep shaking my head and wondering how you can be satisfied writing this drivel. I'll keep trying to tell you where you're wrong and why, what you're doing and why it really is just boring and old, but not forever. I'll get tired of reminding you that you have nothing to say, and that getting tired starts right now.

TakingThursday, it's great that you want to be a songwriter. I love music, and maybe you do too. However, I hate what you're doing to music and I hate that you have never once changed in response to my obviously impassioned pleas.

So that's what I think of your writing. Give me your cute little thoughtless response and then you can proceed to ignore me.

[GREENatarisDAY]

well said as usual wewin

[takingthursday]

Originally posted by wewin
Your writing just strikes me as a derivative and uninspired blend of all your favorite bands (TBS, Thursday, Brand New, that kind of stuff). You offer nothing new to this style of writing and you are not yet so accomplished in it that you're any good at it. Too often your words fall flat. Your sentences tend to
ramble and lose all their power by their end. Your word choices help to kill my interest in your songs by the end of the first stanza, if not sooner. Not only do you not have anything new or interesting to say, but you also do not say it with any style or originality or in any marginally clever way.


My closed eyes and wandering desires (wishes)<--what's this? What's with the paranthetical clauses? Wishes ARE desires...what, is there someone doing that trendy screaming thing in the background? WIIIIISHEEEESS!!! Is someone whispering it? WIIIIIIIISHEEEESSSS!!! Explain yourself, because if you have something so important to say that you draw attention to it with parantheses, it better damn well be good. As far as I can tell, it's just another bland word in another bland song by you, another bland writer.

You're the piece I need
To finish this puzzle
The scene inside that completes me
I've heard this before. This is like Britney Spears-style pop song writing...this is shamelessly unoriginal and boring.

I thought that I'd do a piece-by-piece critique, like I usually do, but then I realized that there's only so many ways to same the same thing: I didn't want to waste my time revealing to you, over and over again, that your song was boring, unoriginal, lacking in substance and style, and flat out dumb. It's one thing to be unoriginal. I mean, you can write about cliched things in a new way and have a great song, but you didn't even do that. It's like the only songwriters you know about are from the TBS/BN school. You write about girls and sadness and melancholy in such a cliched way and then you do without any strong writing to back it up. You use no interesting words, no strong verbs or nouns. You use the boring and overworked images of poison, lipgloss, graves, nooses, and sweet, sweet death. This idea of writing about you and a girl dying, since when has that been emotional at all? It sounds like a child's view of life, immature and whiny and rather vague in the end.

And I know it won't make any difference to you, you'll still keep writing the same songs about the same things. I'll keep looking at your songs and I'll keep shaking my head and wondering how you can be satisfied writing this drivel. I'll keep trying to tell you where you're wrong and why, what you're doing and why it really is just boring and old, but not forever. I'll get tired of reminding you that you have nothing to say, and that getting tired starts right now.

TakingThursday, it's great that you want to be a songwriter. I love music, and maybe you do too. However, I hate what you're doing to music and I hate that you have never once changed in response to my obviously impassioned pleas.

So that's what I think of your writing. Give me your cute little thoughtless response and then you can proceed to ignore me.

Well, maybe you don't like the style of my writing, but it could just be that you don't understand it. You and GreenATARISDay or whatever his name is say stuff like these sentences combined don't make any sense etc. etc. etc.!!! Well, you guys really don't know the subject matter of this song or any song. FOR EXAMPLE, THIS SONG ISN'T ABOUT A GIRL AND ME DYING TOGETHER!!! NOT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE!!! In my head when I'm thinking of the images and subject matter it all flows together. I put my thoughts / emotions down. I don't try to write in the vein of anyone and I certainly don't go for a certain vibe. So before you become a critic at least understand you don't know where I'm at when I'm writing or what the hell it is that I'm even writing about.