Chestnut Dear

[TK]

I wrote this poem a while ago, and thought it was pretty bad. Now I like it more, and thought I post it and see what you guys think.



Secrets breathed through your lungs
coincide with the beats of your heart
But oh my, how I wish I could
Tear you apart, sweetheart,
With metal syllables
And icy grins
To accompany your daily daydreams
Of your precious sins
Breaking through your empty stomach
And pale white skin
And the broken parts
That can not mend
I swear, I won't stop,
Till those ribs give in,
Chestnut dear.

A couple thousand moments caught in the traps of time;
Breaking souls and love's loopholes,
And memorable casulities.
Hide a simple message behind my teeth
That escape through night surgery
And the countless amounts of water drugs
You kept close, beneath all your rugs;
The dirty things you gave me.
Once year, now twice year
Becoming with stripes,
My chestnut dear...

Flirtacious games, carried along with boyious ways
A crooked smile and a missing puzzle piece
That could never fit into my heart
Only the hurt you could ever impart.
Breaking this already broken vessel
That's abadoned by the captain
And emptied by his sea
Creating this dusty image
But at a enormous fee.
Don't you see?
This coal will not turn diamond
No matter how much you crush me...
So let me slip,
off this edge of poison
I'd let you lose your grip
But I am not that ruthless or brave
I'm captivated by fear,
Unlike you,
My chestnut dear.

[a speedo model]

This was just...boring and cliche.

[TK]

eh, I won't disagree with you. I'm trying to be a decent writer, so I'm bound to write bad before getting good. Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.

[a speedo model]

I'll give more constructive feedback later tonight, I'm too tired now. haha