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TK
08/09/07, 03:03 AM
Well, it's 4:00 a.m. so I really don't care. Bash and criticize away...


The noise faded over all the words,
Somehow leaving the meaning objective and obscured,
and that is what we always crave.

A sense of mystery,
Wrapped in our poets finest drapery,
To hide behind all the imagery
That keeps the truth never as simple as it seems
But lost in all of our disillusioned dreams
of being the greatest of the great

In reality, our focus is shaken
The critics are vicious and the material is all taken
Every word you wrote has already been read in thousands of notes
Every line, reemphasized hundreds of times
Every verse sung, has been done, in counts of bad love songs
Face it kid,
You were cliche from the first word you had to say

The simple rhymes of friends old times,
The anguish of a love's bittertaste,
and the stories of all the brain cells we waste
With all our drugs and liquor;
So that these days may go by quicker

And the endless annoyance of the need to rhyme
Or the arrogance to scoff at those who can't write so elgant
As to melt the meaning into metaphors

It's this endless sense of mystery,
For us to wrap it in our finest drapery
So it's litterly dripping imagery
So we might one day be
The greatest of the great
In an art we call poetry.

But in reality, our focus is shaken
The critics are vicious and the material is all taken
Every word you wrote has already been read in thousands of notes
Every line reemphasize hundreds of times
Every verse sung, has been done, in counts of bad love songs


Face it kid,
They labeled you cliche,
from the first word you said.

TK
08/09/07, 09:54 PM
first and only, bump.

lew_1987
08/10/07, 05:32 AM
is this written about people who post lyrics in this forum? haha. some of this was pretty good though.

leezer
08/10/07, 05:36 AM
This one was really good man.

lew_1987
08/10/07, 05:46 AM
This one was really good man.

i've only just realised you're from northern ireland haha. where abouts?

a speedo model
08/10/07, 08:17 AM
I liked this, nothing amazing but it was a good read.

TK
08/10/07, 01:23 PM
is this written about people who post lyrics in this forum? haha. some of this was pretty good though.

Haha, a little. A couple of the lines in it were about this forum, although, most of it wasn't. I'll let you guess which ones were;-) Thanks though.

This one was really good man.

Thanks man.

I liked this, nothing amazing but it was a good read.

Thanks, I like all of your work, so that means something to me.

lostfear
08/10/07, 10:53 PM
eh I like it but here are some things I think you could improve upon: Forced Rhymes (I'm guilty myself) but some of these are just way to forced to ignore (every word you wrote, thousands of notes) just sounds awkward, like you know what you want to say but are rhyming instead of saying what you want. I think the chorus could use some work, it seems like not a strong enough statement for something your repeating over and over again. now all that aside I think the beginning 3 lines are really strong a rather interesting and unexpected beginning. which I always like.

besides the fact you wrote a bunch of lyrics about the art of poetry(a weak topic for lyrics, good to mention it, bad to write the whole block about it ( just like alcohol ) , this was entertaining and interesting.


-Jake

TK
08/10/07, 11:44 PM
eh I like it but here are some things I think you could improve upon: Forced Rhymes (I'm guilty myself) but some of these are just way to forced to ignore (every word you wrote, thousands of notes) just sounds awkward, like you know what you want to say but are rhyming instead of saying what you want. I think the chorus could use some work, it seems like not a strong enough statement for something your repeating over and over again. now all that aside I think the beginning 3 lines are really strong a rather interesting and unexpected beginning. which I always like.

besides the fact you wrote a bunch of lyrics about the art of poetry(a weak topic for lyrics, good to mention it, bad to write the whole block about it ( just like alcohol ) , this was entertaining and interesting.


-Jake

Thank you first off, and ha, the Every word you wrote has aleady been read in a thousand of notes line, I was actually intending for it not to rhyme, lol. I guess it was the way I said it, but what's funny is the line the endless annoyance of the need to rhyme, was poking fun at myself. And I agree the chorus wasn't as strong as I would have liked, but I tried rewriting it several times, just couldn't get anything better. But once again, thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.