A black abyss

[Rearviewmirror]

Genre: Alternative rock





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Verse:
Mary was a boy
A boy like me
With an eternal psychosis
No cure, no choices
A black abyss

Verse:
High on meds
She felt nothing but joy
Joy to douse her polluted mind
With alcohol
A black abyss

Chorus:
Queen of thorns
Decayed and forgotten
Her corpse will always lie
Naked in the shaft
It’s a black abyss
It’s a black
It’s a black abyss
A wanted kiss


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It's not fully done yet. Do comment.:)

[cris545]

Dear God.

[Rearviewmirror]

Dear God.

Do elaborate! I demand it!

[cris545]

Do elaborate! I demand it!
Cliche as hell, insignificant, it doesn't even flow, the word choices are horrible, the structure doesn't make any sense, god, need I say more?

My suggestion is... read other people's work on this site, and read real poetry.

[Rearviewmirror]

Cliche as hell, insignificant, it doesn't even flow, the word choices are horrible, the structure doesn't make any sense, god, need I say more?

My suggestion is... read other people's work on this site, and read real poetry.

It's not cliché at all. You haven't even heard me singing it, how dare you say the structure doesnt make any sense?

[CellarGhosts]

sorry but I didnt like it.
and why do we need to know what genre it is?

[CellarGhosts]

...not to mention that to me, this seemed like a real bad rip off of Bad Religion's "Billy" (one of their best songs, but thats beside the point...) ...in the first two verses it did, anyway.

[a speedo model]

I'm convinced this is not a real account. Can't be.