Summer Used to Be a Haven (+ song!)

[lew_1987]

Ok, this is the first original song i've recorded with me on guitar and vocals, here's a few notes:

1. i did the guitar in one take
2. the main vocals was only the second take
3. the recording quality isnt good anyway
4. my voice sucks today, and i know it. i was sort of improvising on some bits too.
5. i'm not asking you to critique my guitar playing, singing, or mixing, i'm going to re-record this song better in the future. i only recorded it so i didnt forget all the melodies and ideas i had in my head. i'm just asking that you listen to the song, and tell me how good you think it is as a song, ie. how good my songwriting skills are, how good the melodies are etc.
6. you can comment on the lyrics if you wish, although i probably won't change them much, if at all. i would still appreciate your opinions however.
7. enough with these notes/excuses, download it here:

http://sharebee.com/1c54aeb9 (http://sharebee.com/1c54aeb9)

Thanks.

I kept all of my old magazines,
Even though I know I’ll never read them.
I kept all of these old phone numbers,
Even though I know I’ll never need them.

The summer used to be a haven;
A chance to get away.
We’ve buried memories of needing nothing more
Than the view from the classroom window.

“Chin up; you’re above them all.”
Instead I wince with every move that I make.
At least I’m working for something better;
I hope…
I can only hope.

The summer used to be a haven;
A chance to get away.
I’ll salvage memories of needing nothing more
Than the view from my bedroom window.

The wonders of this world are no longer enough:
They’ll smoke their cigarettes,
And they’ll drink their drinks.
But we’ll always have ourselves.
That’s all I need.
(At least until I feel this way again…
Feel this way again.)

I kept all of these old phone numbers,
Even though I know I’ll never need them.

The summer used to be a haven;
A chance to get away.
We’ve buried memories of needing nothing more
Than the view from the classroom window.

The classroom window.
Than the view from the classroom window.

The summer used to be a haven;
A chance to get away.
I’ll salvage memories of needing nothing more
Than the view from my bedroom window.

My bedroom window.
Than the view from my bedroom window.

[thecurerocks182]

Well, I listened to the song, and I enjoyed it. As you noted, there are many things wrong with the production of this piece, which makes it for a difficult listen. However, I put aside that (because I know how it feels to be judged based solely on production value) and listened for songwriting skills. I think this song would be rather catchy if a full-band was brought together. The melody of the songs flowed well. My only complaints were that in the line "old phone numbers" I think it should say telephone because it flows better. Also, the repeating of the chorus at the end becomes a bit redundant.

[lew_1987]

Well, I listened to the song, and I enjoyed it. As you noted, there are many things wrong with the production of this piece, which makes it for a difficult listen. However, I put aside that (because I know how it feels to be judged based solely on production value) and listened for songwriting skills. I think this song would be rather catchy if a full-band was brought together. The melody of the songs flowed well. My only complaints were that in the line "old phone numbers" I think it should say telephone because it flows better. Also, the repeating of the chorus at the end becomes a bit redundant.

i'm glad that you managed to ignore the terrible production and my generally appalling guitar/vocal work (i am a lot better than this on guitar, i just couldn't be bothered putting too much effort into it.) i've been thinking of ways that this could be improved with a full band. that might be a possibility in the future, once i get my bass fixed, get a new guitar, and buy an 8 track. i already have a friend who is willing to track drums for me and has good drum equipment, so we'll see.

i have tried to re write that line using 'telephone' instead of 'phone', and i think if anything, it flows worse. but maybe i'm thinking of it in a different way to you. i see what you mean about the chorus, i'm trying to think of a way to improve it... although there will be more instrumentation and backing vocals for the last chorus to give it more variety, i'm not a big fan of repeating choruses too much but i think this fits. i just need to find a way to make it more exciting.

thanks a lot for taking the time to listen to the song.

[as_we_learn]

I like the lyrics a lot. I'll try to listen to this song as well when I go to my friend's house because my dial leaves me helpless for downloading anythng. Good work Lew keep it up. This was my favorite part of it:

The wonders of this world are no longer enough:
They’ll smoke their cigarettes,
And they’ll drink their drinks.
But we’ll always have ourselves.
That’s all I need.
(At least until I feel this way again…
Feel this way again.)

[lew_1987]

I like the lyrics a lot. I'll try to listen to this song as well when I go to my friend's house because my dial leaves me helpless for downloading anythng. Good work Lew keep it up. This was my favorite part of it:

The wonders of this world are no longer enough:
They’ll smoke their cigarettes,
And they’ll drink their drinks.
But we’ll always have ourselves.
That’s all I need.
(At least until I feel this way again…
Feel this way again.)

thanks man. that is my favourite bit in the actual song, so wait til you listen to that and then let me know what you think :-) although i do screw up on that bit on the first line, but i couldn't be bothered recording it again haha

[as_we_learn]

thanks man. that is my favourite bit in the actual song, so wait til you listen to that and then let me know what you think :-) although i do screw up on that bit on the first line, but i couldn't be bothered recording it again haha
Cool man can't wait until there's a better recorded version because from what thecuredude said I'm really intriugued(sp?). Again good job man and if you don't mind can you read my latest piece.That would be ace.

[lew_1987]

Cool man can't wait until there's a better recorded version because from what thecuredude said I'm really intriugued(sp?). Again good job man and if you don't mind can you read my latest piece.That would be ace.

yeah, i'll give it a read in a little while. thecuredude, haha. thanks again.