TK
08/15/07, 01:09 AM
Not sure what I feel about this piece, I like it at times, and dislike it at other times. Well...tell me what you think, and please, I don't care if you bash it, call me cliche and a horrible writer, just at least give me a few points in what I did wrong or what's wrong with it, thanks.
At the dawn of one winter's evening,
The immortal sun grew mortally ill,
and set upon us an unnaturally frigid chill...
The days melted fast for two and half years
and it feels like things are still the same; things are still the same
It seems like it will never change...
But the clouds are losing all their color, all of their darkness
Soon they'll be ghosts once more.
The ice covers have melted away,
and the rivers will once again roar
As the crisp, spring water kisses the soft shore
The sun has repaired itself, and is shining brighter than ever..
Yet, all I can feel is the unmelted snow at my feet
Will the past always haunt me,
For the past years that I couldn't wipe away?
Why is my redemption no Salvation of mine?
Cause even the darkest of hearts are able to find
Light in the most difficult of times...
It's been two and half years,
and things are starting to change, but...
The past is intertwined with us forever...
At the dawn of one winter's evening,
The immortal sun grew mortally ill,
and set upon us an unnaturally frigid chill...
The days melted fast for two and half years
and it feels like things are still the same; things are still the same
It seems like it will never change...
But the clouds are losing all their color, all of their darkness
Soon they'll be ghosts once more.
The ice covers have melted away,
and the rivers will once again roar
As the crisp, spring water kisses the soft shore
The sun has repaired itself, and is shining brighter than ever..
Yet, all I can feel is the unmelted snow at my feet
Will the past always haunt me,
For the past years that I couldn't wipe away?
Why is my redemption no Salvation of mine?
Cause even the darkest of hearts are able to find
Light in the most difficult of times...
It's been two and half years,
and things are starting to change, but...
The past is intertwined with us forever...