life

[hobo joe]

LIFE
first it's here and then it's gone
it always seems to be going wrong
I don't know what to do with it
it always makes me feel like shit
I wish it all would go away
it keeps me here another day
it tortures most every hour
makes every thing so bitter and sour
I wait until it goes away
but for now I gues it's here to stay...



I didn't like this when I wrote it but a lot of people I knew did

[to kill this]

gues = guess

not gonna lie this is prettyyyy awful. your rhyming is painfully forced, your topic is sooo overdone and it's just done sooo lamely. there's no passion at all.

[lew_1987]

^^^ yep. it's too obvious, and pretty childish.

[TK]

I think everyone who writes poetry, has written something like this when they were beginning.

1. You don't have to rhyme through the whole poem, you don't even have to rhyme in a poem. But if you do, make sure it's not forced in there for the lone purpose of making the line rhyme, because it degrades the poem.

2. Try to branch out in topics you write about. Now, I'm definetly guilty of writing about cliche things myself, I think we all are, but at least try to stay away from stuff that is overdone unless your ready to be critisize for not being original.

3. Keep writing, keep getting better. Observe others work, and try to expand your vocabulary a little. Well, I hope to see you again with a better piece than this, much better actually.

[lew_1987]

I think everyone who writes poetry, has written something like this when they were beginning.

actually no, not as bad as this. and i wouldn't have had the audacity to post it on a forum.

PS. those people who said they liked it probably didn't wanna hurt you're feelings. sorry but its true.

[TK]

actually no, not as bad as this. and i wouldn't have had the audacity to post it on a forum.

PS. those people who said they liked it probably didn't wanna hurt you're feelings. sorry but its true.

All I was saying, that when we all started writing, IMO, we all wrote pretty bad stuff. At least I think so, maybe that's just me, lol.

[lew_1987]

All I was saying, that when we all started writing, IMO, we all wrote pretty bad stuff. At least I think so, maybe that's just me, lol.

lol. yeah, i wrote some pretty poor stuff, but i never thought they were good or anything. me and a friend actually joke a lot about one of the lines from one of the first sets of lyrics i wrote... i wrote it about 2/3 years ago. haha

[TK]

Ha, yeah. I think it's pretty funny to look back at your stuff you wrote when you were beginning, it makes me laugh and cringe everytime I read them, lol.

[to kill this]

omggg was my stuff awful when i first started. i've gone back and read stuff i wrote in like 6th and 7th grade and i just laugh the entireee time. but i kept writing and i kept reading other people's stuff and i just got better and better with practice and i kind of developed my own style. it's just that...i wasn't really posting that horrible trash publicly haha so only i can laugh at it :P

[OveriseFan]

I still laugh at all your work... so I'm sure much hasn't changed.

My stuff was never all that bad. Sure, it was way too love-y, but it wasn't awful.

This, however, is, and my only advice is to stop writing completely before you get in too deep...

[OveriseFan]

I think everyone who writes poetry, has written something like this when they were beginning.

1. You don't have to rhyme through the whole poem, you don't even have to rhyme in a poem. But if you do, make sure it's not forced in there for the lone purpose of making the line rhyme, because it degrades the poem.

2. Try to branch out in topics you write about. Now, I'm definetly guilty of writing about cliche things myself, I think we all are, but at least try to stay away from stuff that is overdone unless your ready to be critisize for not being original.

3. Keep writing, keep getting better. Observe others work, and try to expand your vocabulary a little. Well, I hope to see you again with a better piece than this, much better actually.

Or take this guy's advice. It's what I would say if I was nice. Only without all the stuff about how I suck. (those are bolded.)

My biggest advice is to have some damn confidence. If you're confident your work is good ( "I didn't think this was good, but people told me it was." isn't confident.) then maybe other people will believe it.

We probably won't, but it's possible.