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as_we_learn
09/09/07, 06:23 PM
The wind's blowing through the window's mouth
to keep it shut or spit out doubts.
I'm glad to see your smile so close
to my teeth and my passenger seat.
Breathing steady to the engine's acceleration,
sharing affection like the chord in your back.

The streets were bought out by the love we found
and now we're seperate in conversation.
I'll say it doesnt matter for the moment,
but in my head I'm losing it.

Stitching the diverse nature
of your heart to your burning body.
Sweat and tears I'll have it all.
Bruises in my conscience aren't
black or blue when I'm with you.

The streets were bought out by the love we found
and now we're seperate in conversation
Use me up to the bark and trees,
this is it, yeah, this is me.

I'll say it doesn't matter for the moment,
but in my head I'm losing it.....
Burn the ring and I'll sleep safe...
CellarGhosts
09/09/07, 06:51 PM
nice job, man. I really liked this.

I gotta say, you've improved alot since you started out here. not that your old stuff was horrible, but you def. have gotten better.
OveriseFan
09/09/07, 06:56 PM
"sharing affection like the chord in your back."

Doesn't make sense...

But, I like this piece overall. It's nice. haha. You use the whole car/sex thing too much though...
as_we_learn
09/10/07, 05:24 PM
"sharing affection like the chord in your back."

Doesn't make sense...

But, I like this piece overall. It's nice. haha. You use the whole car/sex thing too much though...
Thanks and I don't remember what I meant by that line right now. I'm glad you think the piece is "nice" haha, probably the best comment you ever gave me. Thanks again James.
nice job, man. I really liked this.

I gotta say, you've improved alot since you started out here. not that your old stuff was horrible, but you def. have gotten better.
Thanks Chris.

Yes this forum did help me become a better writer. I used to suck really fucking bad before haha.
disco.tetris
09/12/07, 04:30 AM
This is alright.. It's nice. I haven't read any of your previous work so I can't compare it.. but I think you can do better.. idk. Keep at it, I think you'll be able to write some really good poetry. :)