rough version 'the end is only the beginning'

[turtlefootrx]

this is only a rough draft version. any advice or constructive criticizm greatly appreciated so i can put my musika to it.....

as i come crashing down
my words dont make a sound
and in the end i drown
but denial is whats killing me
the victim of my ecstacy
if i could make a wish come true
id wish to spend my time with you

and watch the sun go down each nite
we wouldnt sleep wed watch the sun rise
but i threw it all away the day
i tore apart you heart
and now im sorry

600 miles away
i almost want to stay
but drugs help ease the pain
but what im lacking cant you see
is you here lying next to me
tell you the truth when i get home
before i end up all alone

and watch the sun go down each nite
we wouldnt sleep wed watch the sun rise
and im sorry
but what else can i say?
i cant erase the page
and i cant let go of you
its almost been a year
and im still standing here
i hope someday well find our way
together

i wish i had a time machine
but time is not whats stopping me
so heres my chance
my feelings stand
still i wonder what would be
if you would spend the nite with me
the end

[Milonater]

You have an interesting writing style..
My only comment would be to not rhyme line after line like that.
You did switch it up a few times, in total though I'd say it's decent, I'd work on talking more metaphorically, and it should flow.

[Micah Aldridge]

As I crash down, my words dont make a sound
if i could make a wish come true
id wish to spend my time with you
but denial is killing me
the victim of my ecstacy

and watch the sun go down each nite
I wouldnt sleep until I saw it rise
i almost wanted to stay
but these drugs help ease the pain
even though im 600 miles away
I will tell you the truth when i get home
before i end up all alone

and watch the sun go down each nite
we wouldn't sleep until we watched it rise
and im sorry
i cant erase the page
and i cant let you go
its almost been a year
I find myself standing here
i hope someday we'll find our way
together

i wish i had a time machine
but time is not whats stopping me I really like these two lines, i would repeat them somewhere
so heres my chance
my feelings stand
still i wonder what would be
if you had spent your night with me

Bah to be honest they need a lot of work, I only changed em a bit, because it would have been a differn't song when I was done with it, but the foundation is there

[.Along4theride.]

honestly i think the lyrics r too boring......i would make them more meaningful and have ur words actually make people stop and think about what ur writing about and after say wow thats really good