The Manifestation Of Good Will

[Rufio217]

idle now, and you've been gone for so long
it's time to come home
sit here and watch the sunrise
listen to the wanton cries of the morning dove

let the secrets slip from your pocket
where they had been seeking refuge
let this new light be your rebirth
as your old life descends below the horizon

every word you ever said
will resound inside my head
like a broken record
the playback button's...
stuck, on you is where I'm at
as I'm stuck inside your trap
fighting for your affection
tearing at these indiscretions
looking up, and falling down
in your tears I will drown
so please save me

the sound
an affirmation of your conversion
your voice was evidence enough
Two years spent in futile efforts
to wake you from your...
days, spent only to end in vain
my prudent efforts gone un-noticed

every word you ever said
will resound inside my head
like a broken record
the playback button's...
stuck, on you is where I'm at
as I'm stuck inside your trap
fighting for your affection
tearing at these indiscretions
looking up, and falling down
in your tears I will drown
so please save me

you always wanted to be in the spotlight
well now your in the limelight
With the power to kill now
Will you save me too?

[PuddinRckr]

Nice man. I liked it.

[Rufio217]

WOW, this place has been dead for far too long....Lets get some life in here and have some [people respond to stuff.

I want to hear thoughts on this, good bad ugly wahtever

[xforgetdecember]

Originally posted by Rufio217


let the secrets slip from your pocket
where they had been seeking refuge
let this new light be your rebirth
as your old life descends below the horizon


the sound
an affirmation of your conversion
your voice was evidence enough
Two years spent in futile efforts
to wake you from your...
days, spent only to end in vain
my prudent efforts gone un-noticed


Those two parts of your song somehow remind me of "Play Crack the Sky". I don't know why, but.. it does.

Anyway, really nice lyrics. Better than I could ever do. Keep up the nice work, 'cause I enjoyed reading that.

[BuriedAlive]

damn man, most people really getting into their lyrics... im glad people are starting to evolve as writer.

[BuriedAlive]

i used to think i was what people looked up to as a writer but i guess i was wrong everyone around here is better than me.

[Rufio217]

Any dislikes? or ideas on how to spruce it up...personally i think i need to adjust the chorus a little, but what do ya'll think?

[para ser libre]

bump, bumpity, bump, bump

[kornintee]

i like it you should do something to the chorus it sounds not with the rest of the song. and damnit people need to come here more!!! ive got 3 songs and they've been viewed like 3 times! DAMNIT FEEDBACK! "angry:

[xcountryqt09]

As, always I like your stuff. I wish I could write as well as you do. You shouldn't ever waste your talent even if your mom says you can't be a rock star. lol - There are other options- so don't lose hope. About the chorus- its choppy, I don't really know how to explain it but somewhere I lose the flow of the language. Its really just a style issue. Other than that I love it.

[atticusNFG]

The song is very very good , it has an excellent 'flow rate' [ somehting i made up] im guessing your inteligent enough to know what that means especially with the words used in the song, excellente!. Its heaps good because i can just read it and feel the music that can go with it.


~SaladA~

[Rufio217]

thans everybody for the feedback...

I'd agree that the chorus is messed up...i myself would like to change it, but when i wrote it i just had the idea of unique verses' and a catchy chorus it sounds better when you can hear it, but i am working on changing it...

new version should be up in a week or two