"kidnapping of someone no one cares about"

[lifelesslove]

my latest song...check it...

Kidnapping of Someone No One Cares About

“I woke up again Today…” and no one cared, the breaths I take in are
Blankly covered by the injuries I’ve caused in autumn’s before.
They come to my residence, with pencils and pads,
“When did you notice this person has fled”.

There was mystery behind my pupils, the retina now a spy to a world I had never seen before.( A firefight for my identity)
And when the sun rose, and declared itself to be a martyr to my life, I blinked, now blinded by the statement
…”I’ll never be the same again”

*Chorus*
No one notices how much I’ve changed, the moon drops like an anchor, tears us from these days…
And all that I have left to learn, everything I’ve passed over… If I could take this back, you would never hear from me again…
*breakdown into soft ending of chorus back into verse.*
I’d be the one hidden (covering our photos), I’d be the one glaring (repairing the wounds), I’d be the one blushing (blanketing the whispers), I’d be the one sobbing (taking back what I… never meant)

“I never meant…” to trail off in the middle of conversation, trailing my words by my mind, trying to find the best way to make myself look better.
Sell my old clothes, and lynch all my lines, the track to rebirth would lead to confines.

We’re peaked by the candles, “blow them out and remember”.
The intimacy of holding in your emotion, now bleeds on stale paper,
The moonlight corrupts my perspective, taints my irregular views,
“everything fine doesn’t build anything new”.

*CHORUS*
The car could’ve crashed, our my body been found, stolen from the sea by the beauty of the tide.
We find our old years, covered up in the skin. “how they look when your lost, never search when your missing”…
And my words will trail off (and my words will trail off)
And my words will trail (and my words will trail)
And my words (never carried their weight)
And my (Final breaths will be soiled)
And (my) words (trail) off.

[xforgetdecember]

Once again, absolutely amazing.

One thing, though.. and it's completely based on opinion.

I don't really care for this line: "There was mystery behind my pupils, the retina now a spy to a world I had never seen before."

And it's more or less the first part of that line that I don't know about. "There was mystery behind my pupils..." It just sounds kind of weird to me.

So much for good criticism, but I thought offering those thoughts would be better than just saying omg ur lyke sooz gr8.

Anyway, the rest of it is pretty awesome and all of it seems very emotional. All in all, I'm really loving it.

[lifelesslove]

thanks alot forgetdecember, if you wanna im me sometime, my sn is tatoumysoul333, i really am happy that you always enjoy my writing so...I know that line about the retinas, and eyes, it really flows all the way through until that line. I was just trying to make a point about how people sometime dont see anything, even though they think it's all so obvious. once again, i'll bump this song....hopefully people have stuff to say about it

[xforgetdecember]

I did enjoy the point you were trying to make, I just didn't like the phrasing too much.

And.. no problem. I'll IM you sometime.

[lifelesslove]

BUMP BUMP BUMP IT UP JOE BUDDEN STYLE

[para ser libre]

Kidnapping of Someone No One Cares About




I LOVE that title dude....totally kick ass

[lifelesslove]

thanks *BOWS HEAD* I owe it all to my head thinking way too much, and my pen not writing fast enough...read my song and comment

[BuriedAlive]

DAMN!

ok dude i was probably one of the first people to ever post on any of your songs and im not gonna say im impressed because you produce something to this magnitude everytime you write anything down. i have to say you are probably the most influencial person that i dont really know. you give me reason to try and make my lyrics that much better and always push me to my limits... and this song just proves how much better or a writer you are than me.

and i liked the line "There was mystery behind my pupils, the retina now a spy to a world I had never seen before." because it makes alot of sense and kinda stands out and helps me completely understand the song that much more

[lifelesslove]

thanks, chris...can I call you chris? lol. it means alot to me. the break i took from writing was when i had just started my new band, and were trying to record a demo, so I had to start writing more. You as well have grown immensly, and I think you write some of the key stuff in here, i don't spend time looking at every song, but I always look at yours. RADIO FORM MASTERPIECe, will soon have songs up, once we get some recording money.

Thanks chris, it means alot

[BuriedAlive]

ya no problem and ya you can call me chris... your songs are definately the first i go to look at. plus i always look at yours to help me out with my writing by making me use alot of effort to produce something that can maybe compared to anything you have written.

and as of late i havent written all that much either. your posts are the ones i look for here on abspunk. so if i ever post something i am really looking for your comments on the songs. so hopefully from now on you will post on them. it would be greatly appreciated.

[FiNcH'sLuLLaBy]

amazing song...i really enjoyed it

[lifelesslove]

thanks, finch's lullaby, i'm actually taking alot of my poetic writings, and writing a book, called serenade, which I'll actually have finished in about a year...hopefully then, this website will endorse it, it's really my passion.