Hmm what to do...?

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Alright fucked up situation on my hands.

It involves my girlfriend getting hit by her mom. Me saying don't do that. Her still getting hit. Me calling the cops.

Girlfriend calls me back today says sorry about everything. I had to go help a friend move some shit around his dad's house. I call back when I'm done. Her mom picks up and I'm never allowed to call "her" phones anymore.

What the fuck...


No I won't anal her mom. No I won't anal her dad. She doesn't have sisters I already thought about it.

*EDIT*

I've already had anal with her so thats out of the question. (she didn't particularly enjoy it)

Any suggestions aside from anal or weird sexual deviant behavoir?

[biodegradable]

what did the cops say?

if it's that bad, contact social services.
that sucks- i hope she's okay.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Its the first time I've ever witnessed it happen. My girlfriend is a little compulsive and she claims her mother is insane. Her mom has always been relatively nice to me. Dyphus should be getting involved. Michele says everything is alright now, but I'm not so sure.

It sounds selfish but I am very concerned about our relationship. I've been dating this girl for around a year and a half and to have someone else put a stop to it just seems damn unfair.

[biodegradable]

Its the first time I've ever witnessed it happen. My girlfriend is a little compulsive and she claims her mother is insane. Her mom has always been relatively nice to me. Dyphus should be getting involved. Michele says everything is alright now, but I'm not so sure.

It sounds selfish but I am very concerned about our relationship. I've been dating this girl for around a year and a half and to have someone else put a stop to it just seems damn unfair.

i think that if you care enough about her to want to get her out of a shitty situation, then go for it.
but just remember- there's always consequences to what we do in life. i'm not doubting how much you care for her, but make sure you aren't just feeling bad and staying with her to be her anchor. as awful as that may sound, you may want to recheck your feelings before diving in with the feds.

but that isn't to say go and deal with it on your own. abuse isn't something seventeen year-old boyfriends can deal with by themselves. seriously. get your parents in on it. have them talk to the woman. or friends, or the school counselors. you can do that anonymously- say you are concerned about a friend, and anything involving abuse can be brought up by the administration.

you know how they say when a dog bites one person, that's just the beginning? well, it's the same when parents hit their children.

i hope it resolves.
don't be afraid to get other people involved.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

i think that if you care enough about her to want to get her out of a shitty situation, then go for it.
but just remember- there's always consequences to what we do in life. i'm not doubting how much you care for her, but make sure you aren't just feeling bad and staying with her to be her anchor. as awful as that may sound, you may want to recheck your feelings before diving in with the feds.

but that isn't to say go and deal with it on your own. abuse isn't something seventeen year-old boyfriends can deal with by themselves. seriously. get your parents in on it. have them talk to the woman. or friends, or the school counselors. you can do that anonymously- say you are concerned about a friend, and anything involving abuse can be brought up by the administration.

you know how they say when a dog bites one person, that's just the beginning? well, it's the same when parents hit their children.

i hope it resolves.
don't be afraid to get other people involved.

I don't think the hitting really is a continuous thing. I have dealt with alot of shit. My mom is an alchy and my dad was in jail for a while etc. So I have a lot of personal experience dealing with this shit.

To be brutally honest my girlfriend is kind of bitchy and needy. She nags her mom constantly and doesn't understand why her mom gets so angry when she can drive the most patient person to insanity. Its cute but infuriating at the same time. That doesn't justify the situation, but her and her mother had been fighting all weekend and I was stuck in the middle of it all weekend. Unfortunately I had to pick sides when the physical violence broke out and now I'm paying for trying help.

I care too much about the girl to let it slide though and if it involves me never being able to call her I think I can sacrifice that. I just can't stand the fact that the mom can even think of being mad at me. I've done so much for her and her family.

Getting my mom involved was the worst decision of my life. She has made alot of improvement but she still is no rolemodel or really any help. I would love to somehow talk to her school counselors, but we attend different schools.

[still]

yo dude, i'm in a very very similar situation actually, check my thread out, "my life could be made into a lifetime movie."

her parents are trying to split us up as well (for different reasons, though), and yeah, it's really unfair. i had an amazing relationship with her parents too. anyways, i haven't resolved the situation yet, but the main thing i can tell is to keep your head up. i wrote my girlfriend's parents a letter, telling them how sorry i was and how much i love their daughter. i'm waiting about a month for them to cool down to send it, but i'm fairly certain it will work :)

anyways, as horrible as this may sound, getting the cops more involved is a bad idea. morally, it's the best thing you can do, but relationship wise, it's not a smart move. i suggest calling her mom, or writing a letter to her, asking her if you can sit her down and talk to her. let her know how you feel, about how strongly you feel about her daughter and such. give her a while to let her calm down, but don't worry dude, things can work out.

keep your head up!

[SubrosaSeductiv]

yo dude, i'm in a very very similar situation actually, check my thread out, "my life could be made into a lifetime movie."

her parents are trying to split us up as well (for different reasons, though), and yeah, it's really unfair. i had an amazing relationship with her parents too. anyways, i haven't resolved the situation yet, but the main thing i can tell is to keep your head up. i wrote my girlfriend's parents a letter, telling them how sorry i was and how much i love their daughter. i'm waiting about a month for them to cool down to send it, but i'm fairly certain it will work :)

anyways, as horrible as this may sound, getting the cops more involved is a bad idea. morally, it's the best thing you can do, but relationship wise, it's not a smart move. i suggest calling her mom, or writing a letter to her, asking her if you can sit her down and talk to her. let her know how you feel, about how strongly you feel about her daughter and such. give her a while to let her calm down, but don't worry dude, things can work out.

keep your head up!

Great advice, I was thinking that. The support was much needed.

Thanks man.

[ForeverInADay]

No I won't anal her mom. No I won't anal her dad. She doesn't have sisters I already thought about it.
Does she have any pets...?

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Does she have any pets...?

There obviously is no way of getting around this.

So go ahead everyone.

[still]

Great advice, I was thinking that. The support was much needed.

Thanks man.

no problem dude. if you need to talk, hit me up on aim, my screenname is june front drive. i know exactly what you're feeling, and support is really the best thing you can get until you work things out.

[popdisaster00]

There are still plenty of ways to anal that you haven't analed yet.

That is fucked up. Social services fucked up. Good luck man and don't don't DON'T let that woman take you away from your lady.

[atticus1492]

Anal the cops.

(Anal is now a verb)

[SubrosaSeductiv]

I'm not really into guys in uniform.

[resrchmnkygrl6]

Anal the cops.

(Anal is now a verb)
Nicely done.

Now I can tell all my friends what I learned on ap. Eep.

[atticus1492]

Nicely done.

Now I can tell all my friends what I learned on ap. Eep.

Hi! I am Claudius, and I would like to anal you.

[resrchmnkygrl6]

Hi! I am Claudius, and I would like to anal you.
Hello, Claudius.
The interweb barrier is preventing us from performing the glorious task of analing.
Oh, how ever will I function?

[xvszero]

Are we talking slapping or beating?

My mom used to slap us all the time. If anyone called the police on her for that she would probably laugh at them.

We never got beat though.

[asmolitor]

well, you said the girl was compulsive, so she might be exaggerating... but if you saw it firsthand, get some other people involved. believe me, you don't want to be caught in the middle of domestics. like, going out with a girl who's mom cleaned out her bank account (had a parental override; $7000) and changed the locks on the house. that was week 3 of the relationship. it didn't last much longer, unfortunately.

[anamericangod]

There's nothing you can really do. It sucks, but you are both minors, and the phone is her mother's property, so she can do what she pleases with it.

I'm curious as to what the cops did when you called them.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Are we talking slapping or beating?

My mom used to slap us all the time. If anyone called the police on her for that she would probably laugh at them.

We never got beat though.

No I'm talking she charged her ass threw her down and repeatedly kicked her.

There's nothing you can really do. It sucks, but you are both minors, and the phone is her mother's property, so she can do what she pleases with it.

I'm curious as to what the cops did when you called them.

They took the mother outside, asked her if she was intoxicated. They asked for the mother's side of the story. They called my girlfriend out asked for her side of the story, asked if she was lying or overreacting about anything. They told Michele's mother not to start anymore conflict and to settle the dispute verbally the next day or later. Then they asked if she wanted anyone to come over to stay with her. Hah she said me, they told her it should be a relative, so they called her grandmother.

[Chris Reynolds]

The only way her mother could get in trouble with the law is if there were serious injuries to your girlfriend or bruises, etc. The best thing you could do is give it some time, and let things cool off a little. I'm sure her mother will come around to you again, and won't hate you forever.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

The only way her mother could get in trouble with the law is if there were serious injuries to your girlfriend or bruises, etc. The best thing you could do is give it some time, and let things cool off a little. I'm sure her mother will come around to you again, and won't hate you forever.

Most likely.

I'm pretty familiar with cops, social services and the big D. I've dealt with them numerous times. I agree she will come around. My intent isn't to get this woman in trouble she is normally very hospitable to me. I just want all this drama to fucking end. I've dealt with it enough.

[Chris Reynolds]

Most likely.

I'm pretty familiar with cops, social services and the big D. I've dealt with them numerous times. I agree she will come around. My intent isn't to get this woman in trouble she is normally very hospitable to me. I just want all this drama to fucking end. I've dealt with it enough.

Well if that's the case, it may be best just to end the relationship, or take a break. If the negative of the drama outweighs the positive of the relationship, it may be best to end it. At the very least take a break and see how it goes. You may find that being without her is better for you and your psyche. Or, conversely, you may find you just love her too much and are happier when you are with her. The ball is in your court, really.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Well if that's the case, it may be best just to end the relationship, or take a break. If the negative of the drama outweighs the positive of the relationship, it may be best to end it. At the very least take a break and see how it goes. You may find that being without her is better for you and your psyche. Or, conversely, you may find you just love her too much and are happier when you are with her. The ball is in your court, really.

We've tried taking a 3 month break once. Towards the end I figured it would be best for me not to talk to her at all so I stopped talking to her for 1 month straight. I talked to her once on accident... and we got back together.

I love being with this girl. Its just getting increasingly hard to since my car accident and now this.

[Chris Reynolds]

We've tried taking a 3 month break once. Towards the end I figured it would be best for me not to talk to her at all so I stopped talking to her for 1 month straight. I talked to her once on accident... and we got back together.

I love being with this girl. Its just getting increasingly hard to since my car accident and now this.

It sounds like this relationship is causing more stress than necessary. It appears that continuing to be in this relationship is damaging to you, physically, emotionally, and mentally. You can get advice all you want, but its up to you to make the decision. I know what me and the other posters say isn't a huge influence, but I think you should end it, both for your health and well-being.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Yeah I really do appreciate the advise, but the shit I went through everyday when her and I were seperated makes all of this seem minimal. I'm confident I love this girl, it could be co-dependency, I mean all this shit about relationships now-a-days I've heard about. Especially through my parents I've witnessed more reasons to believe that love doesn't exist and its purely chemical shit.

If thats all it is I'm confident I'm having the proper chemical reaction in my brain to signal the "love" feeling. There are hardships in everything we do, I realize. So I can't justify quitting just because it got tough.

[Chris Reynolds]

Yeah I really do appreciate the advise, but the shit I went through everyday when her and I were seperated makes all of this seem minimal. I'm confident I love this girl, it could be co-dependency, I mean all this shit about relationships now-a-days I've heard about. Especially through my parents I've witnessed more reasons to believe that love doesn't exist and its purely chemical shit.

If thats all it is I'm confident I'm having the proper chemical reaction in my brain to signal the "love" feeling. There are hardships in everything we do, I realize. So I can't justify quitting just because it got tough.

Well I believe there's a difference between it getting tough for a stretch, and having to deal with problems and shit on a constant, everyday basis. You just need to decide if not having her would make you happier or not, and make your decision based on that.

[KellyGleason]

This happend to me, except I was on your girlfriend's side. It's nice that you show how much you care, but anything involving parents is a sore subject for a kid. I had no intention of going to the authorities because, well, he was my dad. Everyone saw my bruises, but, to me, they were all jusifiable.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to get the cops in my house to break it up, but, as much as I wanted it, I couldn't handle the drastic changes that would go along with doing so. In my case, I told him I'd rather deal with it on my own, and though he was angry about it, he respected my decision. Did you stop to ask her what it was that she wanted to happen with the situation? Maybe she is exaggerating and it's not as bad as it comes off. Perhaps it was just a couple of disputes. I'd have a sit-down and talk with your girlfriend first, and THEN work on her parents.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

This happend to me, except I was on your girlfriend's side. It's nice that you show how much you care, but anything involving parents is a sore subject for a kid. I had no intention of going to the authorities because, well, he was my dad. Everyone saw my bruises, but, to me, they were all jusifiable.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to get the cops in my house to break it up, but, as much as I wanted it, I couldn't handle the drastic changes that would go along with doing so. In my case, I told him I'd rather deal with it on my own, and though he was angry about it, he respected my decision. Did you stop to ask her what it was that she wanted to happen with the situation? Maybe she is exaggerating and it's not as bad as it comes off. Perhaps it was just a couple of disputes. I'd have a sit-down and talk with your girlfriend first, and THEN work on her parents.

Striking your child is never justifiable. A slap on the wrist or even on the cheek can suffice, if they are too out of line. However, throwing a kid down and kicking them is completely uncalled for. Not to mention my girlfriend is 4'10 ish, her mom is about 5'6. My girlfriend honestly is incabable of defending herself and that worries me.

I didn't really have time to sit my girlfriend down while her mom was stomping her.

I don't think that you should feel the need to protect someone who fucks your life up. I learned that the hard way.

[KellyGleason]

Striking your child is never justifiable. A slap on the wrist or even on the cheek can suffice, if they are too out of line. However, throwing a kid down and kicking them is completely uncalled for. Not to mention my girlfriend is 4'10 ish, her mom is about 5'6. My girlfriend honestly is incabable of defending herself and that worries me.

I didn't really have time to sit my girlfriend down while her mom was stomping her.

I don't think that you should feel the need to protect someone who fucks your life up. I learned that the hard way.
I'm 5'2' less than 110 pounds, and my dad is 6'3'' and well over 200 pounds. So, I understand the defenseless portion. Did you stop to think this could be a sensitive subject for me, too? I told you how I felt about the situation, giving you a perspective from the other side.
But handling it on my own, I wasn't trying to protect my dad. I was protecting myself from being physically taken out of my own home.
You were right in calling the cops, especially if you witnessed your girlfriend get beaten up pretty badly. I was saying now, after the fact (considering you asked for advice), to sit down with your girlfriend and ask her how she feels and how she wants to deal with it. After all, it is her mom and ultimately up to her.


I'm sorry for your situation but the fact that you're rejecting advice in a negative manner gives people all the more reason to make "anal jokes" and not take you seriously.

[Coronary Parasite]

This happend to me, except I was on your girlfriend's side. It's nice that you show how much you care, but anything involving parents is a sore subject for a kid. I had no intention of going to the authorities because, well, he was my dad. Everyone saw my bruises, but, to me, they were all jusifiable.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to get the cops in my house to break it up, but, as much as I wanted it, I couldn't handle the drastic changes that would go along with doing so. In my case, I told him I'd rather deal with it on my own, and though he was angry about it, he respected my decision. Did you stop to ask her what it was that she wanted to happen with the situation? Maybe she is exaggerating and it's not as bad as it comes off. Perhaps it was just a couple of disputes. I'd have a sit-down and talk with your girlfriend first, and THEN work on her parents.
my boyfriend convinced me to call the cops. it's nice to live every day without fear now.


and my mom is happier now that she doesn't have to live with him anymore. at first when i called, i was terrified as all hell, and then i moved out 2 days later, with my mom moving out 2 weeks after that. i have my own apartment now, with my boyfriend. my mom and my little brother are living with us for the time being. i rarely miss my dad, and often miss my house. but when i lived at home i hid all the time because i never knew what was going to upset him next.

to the original poster, i agree with your last post. i watched my mom protect my dad my whole life for fear of drastic change. and sometimes, i even resent her for it. but there is no reason any parent should ever leave bruises on their own child, and i disagree completely with kelly. if this girl was beaten, the cops should be involved.

[Coronary Parasite]

I'm 5'2' less than 110 pounds, and my dad is 6'3'' and well over 200 pounds. So, I understand the defenseless portion. Did you stop to think this could be a sensitive subject for me, too? I told you how I felt about the situation, giving you a perspective from the other side.
But handling it on my own, I wasn't trying to protect my dad. I was protecting myself from being physically taken out of my own home.
You were right in calling the cops, especially if you witnessed your girlfriend get beaten up pretty badly. I was saying now, after the fact (considering you asked for advice), to sit down with your girlfriend and ask her how she feels and how she wants to deal with it. After all, it is her mom and ultimately up to her.


I'm sorry for your situation but the fact that you're rejecting advice in a negative manner gives people all the more reason to make "anal jokes" and not take you seriously.
he wasn't being negative.


and i agree he should sit her down now and ask how she wants to proceed.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

I'm 5'2' less than 110 pounds, and my dad is 6'3'' and well over 200 pounds. So, I understand the defenseless portion. Did you stop to think this could be a sensitive subject for me, too? I told you how I felt about the situation, giving you a perspective from the other side.
But handling it on my own, I wasn't trying to protect my dad. I was protecting myself from being physically taken out of my own home.
You were right in calling the cops, especially if you witnessed your girlfriend get beaten up pretty badly. I was saying now, after the fact (considering you asked for advice), to sit down with your girlfriend and ask her how she feels and how she wants to deal with it. After all, it is her mom and ultimately up to her.


I'm sorry for your situation but the fact that you're rejecting advice in a negative manner gives people all the more reason to make "anal jokes" and not take you seriously.

I've recieved a fair amount of advice that I have accepted and planned to use. I've also recieved a fair amount of advice which I disagree with and will not use. I appreciate it all, whether used or not.

I have talked to my girlfriend about what she wants to do. She thinks just waiting it out is the best possible way to handle the situation, which is why I'm doing that. This situation is different than most; as far as I know this is the first time her mother has ever done anything relative to this.

I'm not just chucking your advise out the window. I honestly thank you for your serious manner and the fact that you were willing to share your situation to help me, but I disagree with the way you handle it.

My mother and father were both addicts. I suffered some severe abuse and encountered some difficult situations most read about on the news. I think my situation is more relatable to yours rather than my girlfriends. My advise to you is the next time your father abuses you is to call social services and figure out a way to resolve it. I thought my entire life if I were to do this I would be removed from my house and placed into an enviornment alien to me. It never happened. They simply sat my mom down and told her what she was doing was wrong and she needed to seek help. Now if she didn't do that they would forcefully remove her from her home and force her into an intervention. None of that involved me leaving my house. In fact, they offered my the chance to live with a relative or a friend, or have my mother move out and have a relative or friend move in to help me finish out my remaining high school years. These situations occured from when I was about 6 until I was 17.

If your situation is seriously dire feel free to pm me about it if you'd like to discuss this further without a complete invasion of privacy.

[KellyGleason]

and i disagree completely with kelly. if this girl was beaten, the cops should be involved.

I've recieved a fair amount of advice that I have accepted and planned to use. I've also recieved a fair amount of advice which I disagree with and will not use. I appreciate it all, whether used or not.

I have talked to my girlfriend about what she wants to do. She thinks just waiting it out is the best possible way to handle the situation, which is why I'm doing that. This situation is different than most; as far as I know this is the first time her mother has ever done anything relative to this.

I'm not just chucking your advise out the window. I honestly thank you for your serious manner and the fact that you were willing to share your situation to help me, but I disagree with the way you handle it.

My mother and father were both addicts. I suffered some severe abuse and encountered some difficult situations most read about on the news. I think my situation is more relatable to yours rather than my girlfriends. My advise to you is the next time your father abuses you is to call social services and figure out a way to resolve it. I thought my entire life if I were to do this I would be removed from my house and placed into an enviornment alien to me. It never happened. They simply sat my mom down and told her what she was doing was wrong and she needed to seek help. Now if she didn't do that they would forcefully remove her from her home and force her into an intervention. None of that involved me leaving my house. In fact, they offered my the chance to live with a relative or a friend, or have my mother move out and have a relative or friend move in to help me finish out my remaining high school years. These situations occured from when I was about 6 until I was 17.

If your situation is seriously dire feel free to pm me about it if you'd like to discuss this further without a complete invasion of privacy.
I waited it out, and it eventually went away. My dad was just going through a lot of stress with my brothers and my grandpa, and I was the scapegoat.

The "negative" connotation that I was referring to was the comment that was like "I'm sorry I don't have time to sit down and talk to my girlfriend while her mom was stomping on her." I was giving you the advice to talk to her NOW, so you can see what she thinks is best. I wasn't trying to give you pointless advice, I was just trying to show you what it's like from the other side.

My situation is over. My dad and I get along great now.
I'm sure your girlfriend wants you involved; she trusts you. I just thought it would be a better idea to get her insight and not completely judge the situation yourself, considering you are only a outsider (not trying to be rude). If you choose not to heed my advice, that's cool, no hard feelings whatsoever.

It's just kind of frustrating when you're trying to help someone and they shoot back with a nasty remark. I meant no harm. :shrug:

[SubrosaSeductiv]

I waited it out, and it eventually went away. My dad was just going through a lot of stress with my brothers and my grandpa, and I was the scapegoat.

The "negative" connotation that I was referring to was the comment that was like "I'm sorry I don't have time to sit down and talk to my girlfriend while her mom was stomping on her." I was giving you the advice to talk to her NOW, so you can see what she thinks is best. I wasn't trying to give you pointless advice, I was just trying to show you what it's like from the other side.

My situation is over. My dad and I get along great now.
I'm sure your girlfriend wants you involved; she trusts you. I just thought it would be a better idea to get her insight and not completely judge the situation yourself, considering you are only a outsider (not trying to be rude). If you choose not to heed my advice, that's cool, no hard feelings whatsoever.

It's just kind of frustrating when you're trying to help someone and they shoot back with a nasty remark. I meant no harm. :shrug:


Hahah I'm sorry if you took that as nasty. I'm a very sardonic sarcastic person, some people love it, some people hate it. In the future if you recieve a comment like that take it in a manner of jest. I'm only making jokes, I think its a defense mechanism I've developed.

[karah]

Tell her to move out

[KiraNoBaka]

こんにちは友人私は国でちょうど着いた

[ieatcrayons4fun]

i don't know how anal ties into that subject, but about the phsyco mom, that's just life. lots of people have to deal with shit like that and it sucks to have to watch the one you love be the victim of the circumstance. just do what you can, don't stress yourself out about what you can't do and love her and be there for her. that's all you can do really.

[XXXrazrgrlXXX]

Does she have any pets...?
lolol

[XXXrazrgrlXXX]

Does she have any pets...?
lolol

[lauren<3s music]

wow that sucks. you could try apologizing to her mom and just explain where you were coming from, but honestly if her mom is actually abusive, its another way of her cutting your gf off. maybe have her get a prepaid cell?

[Mrs.Sweeny Todd]

umm idk go get some anal from a then