ten reasons

[wkebrder35]

just lookin for an unbiased opinion tell me what ya think


I never thought something I was so sure of
could of been so wrong
and I never thought something I thought would last
wouldnt last that long
I would of given you the world and not even thought twice
but now think three times before making contact with my eyes
I thought you were so much more
but you’re just like every other girl
if apologies were like hourglasses
id say your time is running out
I would of avoided you
the first day I met you
if I had known what you were about

ten reasons not to hold my tongue
ten other guys who’ve had too much fun with you
ten reasons I wish I had a gun
so I could see if your really bulletproof

I warned you right from the start
don’t try playing games with my heart (I always win)
but your attack was calculated and it was quick
I don’t know your motivation but it makes me sick (these wounds wont mend)
this is all over and nothing has changed (you never change)
but nothings better im just bitter
I know this isnt good and it cant be right
but im holding a grudge and im clutching it tight
and all the rumors that I’ve heard, yeah I know they’re true
did you think I wouldn’t hate you, because I do!

And if you feel like your falling
ill be your parachute
and if can I save you, I wont even try
but ill slow you down, so when you hit the ground
you wont die

[Micah Aldridge]

"I never thought something I was so sure of
could of been so wrong
and I never thought something I thought would last
wouldnt last that long" I think the word Thought is in these lines too much, try "felt" or "believed" - also something has a habit of sounding clumsy no matter what the use in lyrics

I would of given you the world and not even thought twice
but now think three times before making contact with my eyes
"think three times", weird use, i don't think "think again" would work, but I would change it
I thought you were so much more
but you’re just like every other girl
if apologies were like hourglasses
id say your time is running out
I would of avoided you I would change to "should have"
the first day I met you
if I had known what you were about

ten reasons not to hold my tongue
ten other guys who’ve had too much fun with you
ten reasons I wish I had a gun
so I could see if your really bulletproof I like this, "with you" is clumsy on the second line, I think you should repeat it elsewhere in the song

I warned you right from the start
don’t try playing games with my heart *cough*corny (I always win)
but your attack was calculated and it was quick
I don’t know your motivation but it makes me sick (these wounds wont mend)
this is all over and nothing has changed (you never change)
but nothings better im just bitter dunno maybe, "it won't get better, I'll just be bitter" instead which I guess also sounds tacky
I know this isnt good and it cant be right
but im holding a grudge and im clutching it tight
and all the rumors that I’ve heard, yeah I know they’re true
did you think I wouldn’t hate you, because I do! rewrite this line without the A/A/A rhyme "true,you,do" far to much unless it is a chorus

And if you feel like your falling
ill be your parachute
and if can I save you, I wont even try
but ill slow you down, so when you hit the ground
you wont die Ok ending but it seems to contradict the whole point of the rest of the song, you seem to "forget" the hatred you have for this girl, and I don't see it working

[wkebrder35]

thanx man, you pointed out a lot of helpful things, oh and just so ya know, im in a ska band, so sometimes corny is appropriate, im not goin for lyrical genius, just solid lyrics, but some of the stuff you showed me i never would of thought of, thanx a lot

[IGuessItsOkay]

you can write lyrics like that and you waste your time on ska? Not to be offensive...I just can't imagine lyrics like that in with ska.

[wkebrder35]

well its not your typical third wave ska, its more of rock with horns, think new rx-bandits, sort of. its definitely not a waste of time.

[IGuessItsOkay]

sounds cool. I'm not a fan of ska at all, I really don't like it. But those lyrics...those are cool. if you have any mp3s or somethin, let me know.

[para ser libre]

Verse 1 is good, i liked it

Chorus ok, nothing to killer, but it's teh chorus after all, word usage could be better adn arangement could be tweaked.

Verse 2 was dissappointing. You went from a good set up in verse one, then changed it to an AB rhyme scheme in set two, possible to be done, but just looks bad on paper. AS well as the chorus and the 2nd verse has it but not the first it mkes it look offset

I agree with Micah...finale seems to be hipocritical to song, unless the whole point was "I hate her and i'll forget it b/c i love her"

[Micah Aldridge]

Good luck with it, Change it up and resubmit, I'll go over it like a middle school grammar teacher ;) but also as a fellow musician.
Micah

[wkebrder35]

well just so you guys know, my band's website is www.driverf.com but the recordings we have on there are horrible quality and really do not represent the band, there are videos though on there that are better. and to resolve this issue, the ending is supposed to mean, if there is a way i can save this girl, i will only partially do it, not so she can just live, just so she can live and suffer longer kinda symbolic of my heart maybe. dying is quick and often painless, suffering can last indefinitely

[wkebrder35]

I never dreamed something I was so sure of
could of been so wrong
and I never believed something I thought would last
wouldnt last that long
I would of given you the world and not even thought twice
think three times before making contact with my eyes
I thought you were so much more
but you’re just like every other girl
if apologies were like hourglasses
id say your time is running out
I should of avoided you
the first day I met you
cuz now I know what you were about

ten reasons not to hold my tongue
ten other guys who’ve had too much fun
ten reasons I wish I had a gun
so I could see if your really bulletproof

I warned you right from the start
don’t try playing games with my heart (I always win)
but your attack was calculated and it was quick
I don’t know your motivation but it makes me sick (these wounds wont mend)
this is all over and nothing has changed (you never change)
this wont get better, I’ll just get bitter
I gave up on you but don’t call me a quitter
cuz im holding a grudge and im clutching it tight
and all the rumors that I’ve heard, yeah I know they’re true
did you think I wouldn’t hate you, because I do!

[Micah Aldridge]

"ten reasons not to hold my tongue
ten other guys who’ve had too much fun
ten reasons I wish I had a gun
so I could see if your really bulletproof" - That works, I like it, I could find myself screaming it in row two at a concert ;) I'll go over the rest tonight, i'm at work ;)