Presidential Candidate: Stephen Colbert

[krishasaheadake]

http://www.iwantmedia.com/images/stephen_colbert.gif


Stephen Colbert on capital punishment: "I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment."

Stephen Colbert on foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

"I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what are the facts."


- Wikiquote (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Colbert_Report)

[atticus1492]

Please put him on the Republican ticket.

[krishasaheadake]

Please put him on the Republican ticket.

It would be interesting

[Smash Adams]

I believe he'll enact laws that unfairly harm bears

[loveisdead]

He'll win

[krishasaheadake]

He'll win

by that you mean the S.C. primaries?

[TheOtherAndrew]

I believe he'll enact laws that unfairly harm bears
Are you saying bears aren't a threat?

[Judge'sDaughter]

New York Times
October 14, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
A Mock Columnist, Amok
By MAUREEN DOWD
I was in my office, writing a column on the injustice of relative marginal tax rates for hedge fund managers, when I saw Stephen Colbert on TV.
He was sneering that Times columns make good "kindling." He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, "it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade." He was observing, approvingly, that "Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull."

I called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over. In a moment of weakness, I had staged a coup d’moi. I just hope he leaves at some point. He’s typing and drinking and threatening to "shave Paul Krugman with a broken bottle."

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)
By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:
Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.
For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion "Law & Order" never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.
Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, "I Am America (And So Can You!)" noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: "After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up." On gender: "The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex." On race: "While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad." On the elderly: "They look like lizards."

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, "Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?" Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road - or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet - even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you - if you have a TV show.

[awakenarogue]

question: is colbert honestly conservative or liberal?

[fuller]

question: is colbert honestly conservative or liberal?

stephen colbert is a staunch liberal. youtube him speaking in front of president bush.

the stephen colbert is a take on bill oreilly's show.

because of this he will run on both the R and D ticket in South Carolina.

pretty fucking hilarious

[TheOtherAndrew]

stephen colbert is a staunch liberal. youtube him speaking in front of president bush.

the stephen colbert is a take on bill oreilly's show.

because of this he will run on both the R and D ticket in South Carolina.

pretty fucking hilarious
he's not a staunch liberal. he's moderately liberal.

[asmolitor]

i can't wait to see if he actually steals votes from anyone.

[mcfly21]

i would like to know what his actual views, because he will get a lot of votes in SC

[MusicScoutJustn]

Please put him on the Republican ticket.He's running for both primaries in SC.

Oh, how great it would be if he won...

[Nevuk]

i would like to know what his actual views, because he will get a lot of votes in SC
An out of character interview : http://www.avclub.com/content/node/44705

There also is a video interview at some college, but I can't find it anymore.

[tambam]

Haha, I'd vote for him.

[johnx]

Hahaha, definitely gets a vote from me.

[chris1152]

His facebook group "1,000,000 Strong for Stephen Colbert" already has 238,000 members in it. Holy fuck.

[Chancetobe]

I've said it before, but I think that were Jon Stewart to legitimatly run for president (after he get's some political experience) he could be a great president. I don't think anyone realizes how smart he actually is.

[im_wide_awake]

Satirists best understand the issues

[captainhampton]

I've said it before, but I think that were Jon Stewart to legitimatly run for president (after he get's some political experience) he could be a great president. I don't think anyone realizes how smart he actually is.

he is very good at what he does, but president, cmon.

[Chancetobe]

he is very good at what he does, but president, cmon.

I mean, he oviously couldn't just jump from tv show host to president. He'd have to get a decent amount of political experience in a lesser office, andget some good advisors, but, I have a feeling he could be good. I think he knows more about politics/foreign affairs then he let's on.

[TheOtherAndrew]

I can't believe people are seriously debating whether he deserves the office of president or not.

This is a joke, people.

[Nevuk]

I can't believe people are seriously debating whether he deserves the office of president or not.

This is a joke, people.
So is Bush

[youcomebeforeyo]

I can't believe people are seriously debating whether he deserves the office of president or not.

This is a joke, people.

The same could be argued for American Presidential politics as a whole...

[Unreasonable]

So is Bush


*claps* well done.

seriously though, don't you realize that holding the office of presidency is just a figurehead position? people write your speeches for you, teach you what opinions to have and then switch accordingly at a moments notice, etc. all you really are is the PR for the american government and america as a whole and to tell the truth we have had a pretty shitty representation for the last almost 7 years.... i don't think colbert or stewart would do any worse of a job, and they are much more likeable individuals. not to mention they are both literate. i like colbert and all but my hopes are for jon stewart and conan o'brien becoming running mates.

[Judge'sDaughter]

*claps* well done.

seriously though, don't you realize that holding the office of presidency is just a figurehead position? people write your speeches for you, teach you what opinions to have and then switch accordingly at a moments notice, etc. all you really are is the PR for the american government and america as a whole and to tell the truth we have had a pretty shitty representation for the last almost 7 years.... i don't think colbert or stewart would do any worse of a job, and they are much more likeable individuals. not to mention they are both literate. i like colbert and all but my hopes are for jon stewart and conan o'brien becoming running mates.

Where would this country be without Ben Stein...?

[senatorlamb]

awesome thread. I was wondering if someone was going to do this.

[Judge'sDaughter]

^^ and yet, like, nobody is posting.

[boykosaurus]

The same could be argued for American Presidential politics as a whole...

the office of President is so out of control...I wish Congress wasn't so divided and could lead this country in a new direction

[senatorlamb]

Colbert is moving up in the polls, he's beating Richardson, Kucinich, and Gravel!


Washington Post: (http://blog.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2007/10/the_colbert_effect.html)


Poll Tries to Measure Colbert Effect

You don't need The Fix to state the obvious: Stephen Colbert (http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_colbert_report/index.jhtml) is everywhere right now.

Following the announcement of his presidential ambitions (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/16/AR2007101602462.html) last week, Colbert has chalked up quite a run of political coverage, capping the week with an appearance on ultimate establishment Washington TV show: "Meet the Press (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032608/)".

And now, we have national poll results detailing Colbert's chances -- and, no, we aren't kidding.

Public Opinion Strategies (http://www.pos.org/), a Republican polling firm, recently completed a national poll of 1,000 likely 2008 voters that included Colbert's name in both the GOP and Democratic primaries. (He has announced his plans to run in both the Democratic and Republican primaries.) In the field from Oct. 18-21, the survey has a 5 percent margin of error.

In the Democratic primary, Colbert takes 2.3 percent of the vote -- good for fifth place behind Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (40 percent), Sen. Barack Obama (19 percent), former Sen. John Edwards (12 percent) and Sen. Joe Biden (2.7 percent. Colbert finished ahead of Gov. Bill Richardson (2.1 percent), Rep. Dennis Kucinich (2.1 percent) and former Sen. Mike Gravel (less than 1 percent).

He was less lucky in the Republican field, where he took less than 1 percent of the vote behind even longshot candidates like Reps. Tom Tancredo and Ron Paul. Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani led the Republican field with 29 percent, followed by former Gov. Mitt Romney at 12 percent, former Sen. Fred Thompson (11 percent) and Sen. John McCain (10 percent).

"It's clear that Colbert's truthiness image and 'I am America' message has serious resonance among Democrats," said Neil Newhouse (http://www.pos.org/about/newhouse.asp), a POS partner.

Yes, we know that Colbert's bid is satire and nothing more. But anyone who follows politics as closely as we do knows that it even serious politics often devolves into theater of the absurd. So why shouldn't Colbert be another actor in the real 2008 race?

For even more on Colbert and his impact (or lack thereof) on the race, check out Fix Friend Josh Green's piece (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200710u/colbert-campaign) over at the Atlantic Online. Good stuff.

[TheOtherAndrew]

hahahahahaha you gotta be fucking kidding me

[Judge'sDaughter]

brilliant.

[senatorlamb]

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Vote2008/Story?id=3766656&page=1

Colbert's Campaign Might Run Afoul. I'm just posting the link because it's three pages long.

[Madina_Lake]

I hope that he wins, that's just be funny to see, I don't really watch his show, but I know he's a liberal and I'm a liberal, and things I heard from him was pretty good for me.

[music3chick]

I wonder how many people are going to sign the petition on http://www.colbert08.org (http://www.colbert08.org/) .

[Madina_Lake]

Yeah.

[absolutecrunk]

I hope that he wins, that's just be funny to see, I don't really watch his show, but I know he's a liberal and I'm a liberal, and things I heard from him was pretty good for me.
That's the problem, though, the presidency shouldn't be funny.

And I don't want to sound rude, but get some more facts before you take a political stance. You're not old enough to vote anyway but seriously consider candidates before aligning with the one whose party you affiliate with. To paraphrase Maddox (which I know isn't a reliable source), Charles Manson could have the same core liberal values as you for all you know; that doesn't make him a good candidate.

[gloriousmuse]

ok, i thought this was a joke at first. is this for real?????

[EasySkankin]

I can't believe people are seriously debating whether he deserves the office of president or not.

This is a joke, people.

Thank you.

As for those that said politics is a joke, as in the real politics, may I remind you that they create and interpret laws, decide whether or not we go to war, and determine how much money will go in and out of the market.

For me, one of the things a president, or any politician, has to be good at, is economics.

Stephen colbert studied theatre in college. Has he ever even done things for a community, big or small?

This is ridiculous... I posted in another forum about how people who'll actually vote for this guy is a sure sign that democracy in american is on the decline.

People, please get educated.

[EasySkankin]

Double post, my bad. If any mod sees this please delete.

[aloneatlastnj]

it's his way of being satirical about the "road to the presidency", so i would hope it's a joke. stephen colbert as america knows him is a character and would hope that in '08 when it comes down to the presidential election, you all vote for a legit candidate.

[gloriousmuse]

oh ok, because CNN was reporting him filing papers saying he'll run on the south carolina ballot and saying, "Funnyman Stephen Colbert's presidential campaign is apparently no joke." X-)

i wouldn't vote for him either way. funny man, yes--but to have him run this country, no.

[Nevuk]

Colbert is more knowledgeable about politics than 99% of elected officials.

[EasySkankin]

^

Meat please.

[boykosaurus]

Colbert is more knowledgeable about politics than 99% of elected officials.

No...he is more knowledgeable than the officials that get the most coverage

[EasySkankin]

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/02/us/politics/02colbert.html?_r=1&ref=us&oref=slogin

hehehe...

As much as I am satisfied he was not allowed to run in the end, I am even more dissatisfied, as this is very undemocratic. Apparently he didn't pay some fine or something to run. It's a shame to the core values of our nation to not allow him to run...

[Nevuk]

No, he payed everything. The democratic convention refused to allow him in, in 13-3 vote. They told him they thought he was trying to do to much at once, and that because of that he wasn't a serious candidate.