Sleeping on the Subway

[lostfear]

Sleeping on the Subway

I close my eyes for the long ride home

People all around, but in dreams I’m alone

Riding a mural with many colors

I won’t get off until my pallets full


From Roosevelt to Belmont

My minds in a waltz

It’s a picture of what she wants

A boy on the other side of the door

Couldn’t ask for more

A man’s desire, a girl on fire


Jolted awake by the distorted voice

A beautiful stranger beside me

Bring me where no map can guide me


An Atlas, a useless book

Blank pages if you take a look

Underground culture, unseen to us

I step outside and I’ve arrived

[lew_1987]

i liked this, especially the first stanza. best piece i've read from you in a while.

[lostfear]

thanks man, it's a really strange poem/group of lyrics. I have NO idea what to do with them.

but at least I know I'm not crazy. haha :spidey:

[nbaontcty]

i like it alot!

keep on writing!

[lostfear]

haha I've been writing for awhile, but thank you.

:)

[to kill this]

good job. I really liked this, especially the first stanza. :)

[mattybobviously]

Depending on the delivery the rhymes will either come across as brilliantly fluid, or horridly simple. Really like this piece though.

[as_we_learn]

This is pretty damn good Jake man. I like the imagery a lot man. Nice to see something new from you man.

[ArTkY_]

***.

I liked it. There's not really much else to say. It's not brilliant, but it's very enjoyable and will go well with music, depending on vocal delivery. But that's not a problem for you.

/ass kissing

[TK]

I liked all of this, with the exception of the 3rd line of the first stanza. I just thought it could have been worded just slightly different, but besides that, I thought it was great. Nice work

[lostfear]

haha thanks guys, I just posted two other new pieces, check them out.


yeah 3rd line of the first stanza may need to be re worded, good call.