Finding Yesterday

[xidreamofyou32x]

I'm not sure exactly what this is about or even if it makes sense, it just came to me. I know it needs some work. Constructive criticism would be helpful.

"Finding Yesterday"

The wind dies down over your old apartment
Carrying with it the last seeds of innocence
We're sitting on the steps watching the cars glide over the pavement
A common situation- But today something feels different

Tonight- We'll find relief in broken bottles
And burnt out cigarette buds
As I try to push away these preconceived notions
And tell myself we're not like the other ones

As night consumes the last shreds of sunlight
I wonder what this is supposed to feel like
It appears that I'm watching myself from a distance
Playing back these images in black and white

Tonight- We'll find relief in broken bottles
And burnt out cigarette buds
As I try to push away these preconceived notions
And tell myself we're not like the other ones

Passion bursts out of me like sparks above the ocean
I try to sort out these scattered thoughts, but the meaning got lost in the process
And as this body hits the sheets and I surrender myself to the darkness
I remember those wild flowers crushed on the freeway

[GhostMachine]

I think this piece is pretty good. I do have a problem with the first line of the last stanza...but it just doesn't make any sense in my opinion. I do love the chorus though.

[xidreamofyou32x]

yeah, you're right, it doesn't make any sense. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll think about another line to replace it.

[GhostMachine]

You could try to find a way to reword it. Feel free to use this if you like it. It just came to my mind while I was looking at your piece.
"Passion bursts over me like flares above the ocean"

[xidreamofyou32x]

Thanks! I fixed that line. Does anyone else want to comment this?