I need some criticism!

[rawr its brian]

Ok well I'm new at this and this is the first song I have ever worte. I would like some criticism, good or bad I can take it. Better of to know if my song sucks then to think it's decent. Sorry for the bad grammar!

This is untitled.


And I wrote this song about you
But girl you never knew
It's sad you'll never even have a clue
This song is about you.

I guess I'm just not good enough
Girl times will always get rough
But I thought you said your love lasted forever?

Even through the good and bad
You were always what I've had to keep me inline.

Your kisses are like medicine
And without you I'll never win
So what's the point in trying?

So I'm just writing to say
I have never felt this way
about anyone before.

So I wrote this song about you
Girl I wish you knew
Because these things are hard to say.

So let me end upon this note
You make me laugh. I love your jokes,
But I guess you'll never know.

I love your smile.
I love your laugh.
So every time your eyes look sad,
remember that I truly care.

[lew_1987]

i'm sorry but its extremely boring. its obvious and has been done too many times to be interesting.

[metalfreak_5]

I thought the lyrics were a little cliche and cheesy ..

[asmolitor]

it's a little shallow, while at the same time passive-aggressive. and the instances where the first two lines of a "stanza" rhyme, it just seems... contrived.