Nihilists Love Anorexics

[yournewhaircut]

I wrote this about a fantasy a fascinating internet friend who's life story seemed phantasmtic itself told me about.


Nihilists Love Anorexics


Within walls of cold trees on an icy peak,
The air cuts and numbs your skin.
Your blood is slowing down...
... Real slow.
Just the way you like it.

On a diet of nothing and cold,
You haven't been hungry for weeks.
But the frost has stained your mirror,
So you can't see the bones that are starting to protrude
From your cheeks.

Just hold that blanket close--
Let it absorb that malignant warmth.
Because tears in your eyes will crystalize
And never let those crystal eyes
Burn--

Burning like a forest!
The whole thing's doing down!
While that filthy cigarette butt somehow
Got saved under some stone.
Before your pale goes to blue and then to black
I hope that you come back.
From that icy grave
That you plan to call home.

Long fine hairs seperate.
The light pours into your eyes.
You're fully awake
And you realize.

But you're still in that cold room.
It wasn't a dream
Because you don't dream,
But how can that be?
How could a person exist and live but not dream?

But it just occured to me that I've failed to notice my own presence
In this whole situation that I've been feeling so perfectly--
So it hit me that... I'm the one who's dreaming.
I mean I know you are real and all but
I think my idea of you is more of an ideal
That you created and I believed,
And I still believe:

You are a violet
Bloomed too early before spring.
Now frost teeth are sinking into frail leaves.
If I take you out of the cold ground you'll wilt away anyway.
But if I leave you, you'll freeze.
I'd just prefer that you live.

[a speedo model]

This is actually excellent. Nice job.

[ArTkY_]

Agreed with Josie.

[Troggy]

Aha. Finally someone in here who can construct some good images that convey emotion! You have a leg up on most. I like the concept but it gets a little bit hairy for me towards the end, let me just point out what throws me off a little bit and you can retort / heed my suggestions appropriately.

But you're still in that cold room.
It wasn't a dream
Because you don't dream,
But how can that be?
How could a person exist and live but not dream?

But it just occured to me that I've failed to notice my own presence
In this whole situation that I've been feeling so perfectly--
So it hit me that... I'm the one who's dreaming.
I mean I know you are real and all but
I think my idea of you is more of an ideal
That you created and I believed,
And I still believe:

You are a violet
Bloomed too early before spring.
Now frost teeth are sinking into frail leaves.
If I take you out of the cold ground you'll wilt away anyway.
But if I leave you, you'll freeze.
I'd just prefer that you live.

From "I'm the one who's dreaming....through "and I still believe" you begin this stream of consciousnesslike passage that just seems a little out of place. I think i see where you are going with it, but I wonder if you could condense that stanza and the one before it to include a few less rhetorical questions, and a little more specificity to the actual relationship between the two characters here. If i'm off base give me a little hint about what you are really going for with this piece.