Modest Mouse Could Be Jesus

[Mannella]

I've got another confession to make,
before my music dies and all hell breaks loose.
Heaven and hell are and urban myth.
As far as I am concerned, the glory days are old,
My friend, I'm no fool, I'm tired and needing something new.
But the days are cold and the nights are rude.
I can't bring myself to open my eyes,
all I can do is admit my old disguise.
The man on the middle cross is dead,
and that's all I can comprehend.
Everything is arbitrary. Everything.
My business card has lost written all over it.
Lost from him, and lost from you.
I'll take my jacket from the hook,
and walk up the hill by myself.
Religion is dead.
Nothing I can do.
The spirit doesn't decide, and neither do you.
I wish it wasn't true, I wish the sky was blue.
Modest Mouse could be Jesus, for all I know.
But then, all they can do,
is talk shit about a pretty sunset.

[a speedo model]

Ehh, all in all this is decent with some good imagery at times and interesting lines. But the flow felt off and inconsistent, making it hard to read. Also, the random rhyming threw me off. Not really a complaint because I know it maybe just be, but I did find it odd.

It seems to lose steam towards the end too. I felt that it got sort of "blah" as it went, relying on simple imagery and ideas right around "I'll take my jacket from the hook"

But I love the line "But the days are cold and the nights are rude" It felt so simple and yet so elegant. The word choice was quite good, nice one.

Overall, I really think you've got talent and can see you being great. But this piece just didn't do it for me. Keep writing, dude, I'd like to see more.

[thewk]

I really actually like the Modest Mouse could be Jesus part. I really feel what you mean, not necessarily Modest Mouse, but just like the music is your savior .. I mean, that's what I took out of it.

[Mannella]

I appreciate the comments guys. I wrote this quite some time ago, when I was in a conflict with my mother, after I left the Christian faith. It's less about music, and more about the idea of a higher power.