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View Full Version : 'Slipping Through The Cracks'...give me your thoughts


ToFindTolose
10/25/03, 12:11 PM
SLIPPING THROUGH THE CRACKS:

She sat in silence within the well covered room staring at the sky,
Forcing truth of clear sight out of her punctured eyes.

Holding her invisible hands swallowed by the dark,
her wrists owning carvings of distinct question marks.

A normal night reunion leaves her broken well inside
Every night in a corner, frozen she will hide.

Pushing for something more and hoping for new life
She falls asleep in her bed taken away by night.

Stories written in her mind play throughout her dreams
Reality interrupts, morning hits, she’s still only 16.

Managing her way through the lonely crowded halls,
false faces and sayings slip throughout the walls.

Damaged by words and wounded of shadow aches,
The smiles being produced are now filed under fake.

Empty faces speaking words, untruthful and carved hollow,
Finding her way back to the room of her own self-power.

No one will know her when future comes around,
Memories of the past now lie underground.

She sits alone at a table uniquely set for two,
The approaching will lend better, if only that she knew.

Again finding herself cornered in the dark,
Sucking in and allowing darkness to refill her heart

Slipping through the cracks she pulls herself back.
Promises shell get better, it’s her turn to attack.

Another day is gone, she’s covered with debris,
She gazes through the mirror, her reflection shown is me.

xforgetdecember
10/25/03, 12:38 PM
WONDERFUL first post.

I think your poem really flows well, and although the last stanza is somewhat predictable, I like it. Good work..! In my opinion.

OctoberNights
10/25/03, 02:27 PM
i agree, it makes you think. The end is kinda of predictable and its kinda i dunno forced at the end but i liked it a lot.