incomplete?

[Flags of Dawn]

here are a couple things i've done but don't feel like they're finished yet:

The battlefield of your body and your war-torn lips
Each day a new fight to the sound of reloading clicks
Marching down Main St. in sweat drenched fatigues
If anything moves, just shoot what you see
The sound of your own steps will drive you insane
Until a mustered mute scream from the sand and no rain.

and

They stand on stage for burning eyes and take requests as gospel.
Each glass thats full only means another had been swallowed.

[Maloy]

I really like the first one, it flows really well especially the first two lines.

The second one has potential but I think could be broken down into smaller lines,

"They on stage for burning eyes
And take requests as gospel
Each glass that's full only means
Another has been swallowed."

This could be how you're saying it anyway but to me works better that way.

That's entirely nit picking though and I really enjoyed it, well done.

[adam289]

the first one was pretty good.

[Troggy]

here are a couple things i've done but don't feel like they're finished yet:

The battlefield of your body and your war-torn lips
Each day a new fight to the sound of reloading clicks
Marching down Main St. in sweat drenched fatigues
If anything moves, just shoot what you see
The sound of your own steps will drive you insane
Until a mustered mute scream from the sand and no rain.

I think you have something interesting here, but a few things. First, the last two lines don't seem to make grammatical sense to me. is it..."until a mustered mute scream comes from the sand and there is no rain", but abbreviated? Or am I missing the point?

I think you could replace "war-torn" lips with something a little more creative. Might need a little expanding, maybe not though. A good title could really tie it together. :D