i'm no good at breaking hearts, so i slit throats instead

[wishingbutdying]

a mid-summer masquerade
outside your cracked bedroom window
well-wishing that time falls victim to the birth of a new sunrise
disable your dreams tonight, my genuine blade
because death will overcome us all in april showers.
i'll cry gasoline tears and light fires with my poison lips
but you taste like laid-out sugar on a kitchen table on sonoma drive
speed up, turn right, left, right again
a collision with gravestones laid onto historys pitchfork.
the battery in my watch died the other day; careened off the earth
lost sense of wounds inflicted by overexposure
beauty can drive a sane man crazy
and create a liar out of cyanide-licked petroleum.
how about i meet you on devils peak
we'll chew bullets and digest our lungs one-by-one
we'll talk about well-kept secrets that everyone knows.
so basically, all i am saying is...
you're my organ donor and i'm your tommy gun.
i'll meet you in wharehouse 7
bring that plastic smile and glass eyes of yours.

written by Ryan Kummer (C) 2003

[wishingbutdying]

if you like what you are reading up above, and want to read a great deal more of my poetry collection, click on the link provided:

www.livejournal.com/users/xstarsupabovex

and if you have lj, add me on your friends list. thnx. :)

[nards228]

Your poem reads so much like a punk song that it's shocking.

And like any punk song of this caliber, your poem has problems. First of all: what's this poem actually about? You flit from idea to idea and image to image so fast that it's impossible for your read to hone in on the meaning of the poem, which is kind of an important part of any poem.

Trim this down. Find one idea, one theme, one metaphor and go with that. You leap around too much and your readers become lost in the words and heady, overly-intellectual and "poetic" imagery.



Rennard

[AllThingsGrey03]

i think it's awesome ... not all poetry is supposed to flow ... some of it is meant to jump form image to image ... the way some poetry comes out it makes sense to the writer but not neccessarily the reader and that's how it's supopsed to be... some ppl are just overly critical and don't like to accept different forms of writing ... for all we know it doesn't make any sense but it doesn't matter because you wrote it not us

[IGuessItsOkay]

Wrong.
Poetry is not for whomever is writing it. Poetry is whatever the author intends it to be, but that doesn't mean the author knows what they're talking about. Poetry is supposed to be done in a way that expresses the authors views in an understandable way...otherwise it's just masturbation.

[wishingbutdying]

the poem is about my ex-girlfriend and how i cannot overlook the feelings that we both share for one another - no matter how much we try.

i guess i really overdid the imagery, but if you read some of the lines and really think deeply, you can get a picture of what im trying to say...for example, "ill cry gasoline tears and light fires with my poison lips, but you taste like laid-out sugar on a kitchen table on sonoma drive." that symbolizes the struggle i have within myself to overcome the love i have for her, and yet i cannot get enough of the feeling she gives me inside.

i dont know if this makes any sense at all, but it was a poem that was thought-out and i took time on. i appreciate the comments, whether positive or negative, it's all helpful. thanks.