My Current Situation

[anamericangod]

Hey guys, some of you sort of know me, a lot of you don't. I don't usually reach out to random internet communities, or many people in general, but I guess at this point I'm looking for anything I can get. Here's the deal:

I've had a severe depression/anxiety/panic disorder for almost 2 years now. A lot of people have anxiety and depression, but mine, particularly the anxiety, is as bad as it can get. I couldn't leave my house for months, had to drop out of school for awhile, lost a lot of friends, blah blah blah.

I thought I had worked things through, I got off my meds, and figured I was doing alright. Wrong. Over the past month or so I have had a lot of symptoms reappear, and they are worse than ever before. I started having heart palpitations and panic attacks, and have been to countless doctors and ER visits. They have all told me I am healthy, and that the heart irregularity is extremely normal, and absolutely nothing dangerous. My anxiety will not let me think otherwise.

I spent most of Friday in the ER totally spazzing out, thinking I was dying, unable to listen to anything the doctors told me. My fear of dying is nonstop. Any tiny sensation of discomfort my body has completely terrifies me. I walk in circles for hours. I can't sleep alone. I can't go out. I can barely sit still and have a conversation. I can hardly focus enough to read through the threads on here and post comments. I know I'm fucked up. There is serious talk of having me put into an institution until this can be somewhat resolved.

So, here I am. I'm not the most religious person, and I know a lot of you aren't as well. But for the ones that are, I would humbly like to ask that you say a prayer for me. Anything, whatever it is you do. Cross your fingers, light a candle, wish upon a star, anything at all. I will take whatever I can get at this point, because I need it. I am scared, and I am breaking down, and all I want is to get better. I'm trying my hardest, but this is the toughest battle I've ever had.

I'm not sure what else to say, and I'm sure most of you will be "too long did not read" or "anal" or shit like that, but that is the deal.

If you want to know anything else, read my blogs of send me a PM or IM, I'll try to get back to you soon. Thank you to anyone who has read this or is offering some kind of help. It means more than you know.

-Joe

[anchorandhope]

I've seen you post, and your comments always make me laugh. You'll get through this, you'll see. I'll keep you in my prayers =)

[tambam]

Can't you just get back on your meds again?

[Blakebear]

I'll pray for you Joe

I know only a little about you from reading your blog and these forums, but I truly hope that you get better.

[anamericangod]

Can't you just get back on your meds again?

Doesn't work that easy. I'm already on like, 5 meds, and it gets to a point where it's hard to tell what is a symptom of your body and what is a side effect of the medication. I'm sure I will end up being on something for awhile.

Meds are a temporary fix usually, and I'm not sure how much counseling, therapy, etc it will take to get my mind straightened out to where I can function. I am one of the most rational/logical/critical people I know, so for me to be acting and thinking like this is completely fucked.

[tambam]

Doesn't work that easy. I'm already on like, 5 meds, and it gets to a point where it's hard to tell what is a symptom of your body and what is a side effect of the medication. I'm sure I will end up being on something for awhile.

Meds are a temporary fix usually, and I'm not sure how much counseling, therapy, etc it will take to get my mind straightened out to where I can function. I am one of the most rational/logical/critical people I know, so for me to be acting and thinking like this is completely fucked.

Man, that's rough. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sure you'll end up on something that will keep your disturbing thoughts at bay. I think at times like these, it's important to remember that it's all in your head and that in reality, you don't have anything to worry about. I know it's not as simple as it sounds, but I know remembering that would help me.

I wish you all of the luck in the world in getting passed this. I'm sure you will.

[TheGoodnightMoon]

Best of luck to you sir and I hope you feel better soon.

[SingleDoubt]

im sorry, and i honestly feel for you. my ex girlfriend had a horrible case of anxiety and panic attacks. one time i had to drive about 45 minutes to a mall in new hampshire because she was having such a bad panic attack that she couldnt even get inside the car. its not fun at all. i really hope things start looking up for you.

[boysdontcry17]

hm, since the matter seems to be beyond your control then there's nothing you can do about it.
but don't despair because of that, i think you can find solace in knowing some day there will be a better tomorrow and that at the very least, you have the best wishes from some people here.
i hope that didnt sound cheesy >_>

[4N6 science]

two summers ago, i went through a bout of depression and panic attacks.. so i sorta understand..i do hope that everything turns around for you... i will definitely say a prayer for you.. just do what you have to do to get yourself better.

[Adrian Villagomez]

I wish you the best in getting over your anxiety

[TSLROCKS]

That really sucks. Sorry for all the shit you have to probably deal with every day. I hate when stuff like this happens especially to a member on AP since i feel like i have a certain connection with a lot of the members here which is why i love this site. People come together because of music and end up actually having a lot of connections with a majority of the members on here which is why i love this site. I hope your able to get past this and move on.

[KellyGleason]

You're so nice! I hope your anxiety gets better soon. In the meantime I'll keep you in my prayers.

[notoaststereo]

i dont pray, but i hope you get better. itll be alright.

[Clarett'sGreyGoose]

Stop following Buffalo sports. Anxiety will go from severe to borderline mild/moderate


Nah really though, sorry you have to deal with this shit, my girlfriend has panic attacks and shit and I've seen how bad they can be. Hope you get better

[cora_ann]

I think it's a great idea that you are writing/documenting what is happening to you. When I was at the peak of my depression/anxiety, I scribbled everything into a notebook. It really helped because I felt like I couldn't tell my parents or my friends anything, but I could get it out somehow. I was also able to see when I was making progress, which was probably the most helpful aspect of the whole thing.

Consider the prayer said;I was raised Catholic, so it counts double, haha :-)

[Intertwined]

Uhm, get better?

[thirteen]

Anal.


Hope your appointment tomorrow goes well.

[formaldehyde]

feel better soon!

[3eb23]

ill pray for you. you'll be alright buddy.

[biodegradable]

i realized last night that if you can make it, so can i.
so can everyone else.
your journey is taking you down some unexpected paths. there will be decisions that seem nearly impossible to make. But you, joe, have the universe at your fingertips. hold on tight.
you are in control.

i want you to smile. grin like a maniac. no one can judge you, because you, and only you, hold the universe, joe.

you are making a difference bigger than you'll ever be able to comprehend.

you're leaving your mark, joe.

[mrzippo3]

You're my favorite poster on this site. You're also my other GA person, so I really hope you make a full recovery soon and we can hang at a show or something.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Doesn't work that easy. I'm already on like, 5 meds, and it gets to a point where it's hard to tell what is a symptom of your body and what is a side effect of the medication. I'm sure I will end up being on something for awhile.

Meds are a temporary fix usually, and I'm not sure how much counseling, therapy, etc it will take to get my mind straightened out to where I can function. I am one of the most rational/logical/critical people I know, so for me to be acting and thinking like this is completely fucked.

My friend has the same problem. He is also one of the most rational people I know. You need to take an outside look on yourself and realize how ridiculous your fear really is. I've seen your post you are a pretty smart guy. Just calm down, find someone that can calm you down. Girls are nice, or go chill with your family.

My friend uses philosophy as his medicine, he is on anti-anxiety medication, but its obvious it doesn't work. I think if you come to grips with the fact that eventually you must die some way or another and just understand that you have to live life happy or else you wasted it. Its better to die early and fulfilled than old and sheltered. I mean you are going to die anyway. I'm not telling you to go base jumping, just get it into your head that you are acting absurdly.

I have some serious stress issues sometimes I used to vomit blood and stuff from ulcers. I think it was rooted in my parents divorce, which seriously depressed me. With good friendships and a loving girlfriend it seriously helped me.

Don't seclude yourself in times like these. Its the last thing you need. I think there is a phobia called agoraphobia, which is the ultimate fear of leaving your house in an overwhelming sensation of dying. It starts with anxiety and ends up with some kids not even leaving the bathroom for 5 years at a time. You don't want to end up like that. I don't want you to end up like that. If you can't do it for yourself do it for other people. There are way too many fucking morons out there, the last thing we need is a loss of an intellectual because of some stupid fear.

Talk to a psychologist.

[rerelease_]

man, i know i can't help you, but you're posts are always funny and you seem to be a very nice guy. i hope that everything works out for you.

[lindZ629]

You seem like a really cool guy, and I hope you get through this soon.

[xvszero]

Well, my experience with anxiety is you should never, ever think it is "over."

You will probably be battling it in some form most of your life. But you can also get to a point where you barely notice it and when it does break out, you know how to handle it.

[IamTheINDUSTRY]

dude i know how hardcore anxiety can be. i prayed for you and im positive your gonna get through it

[allhourcymbals]

That sucks man, but you're gonna get through it, just take it day by day. <3

[MADSTA]

I don't usually pray, but I'll say one for you. From what I know of you, you seem like a cool person. I wish you the best of luck in getting better.

[pinkluv13]

You're so nice! I hope your anxiety gets better soon. In the meantime I'll keep you in my prayers.

seconded.

[ro-flo]

Hey man, i just wanted to say that the Lord is bigger than anything and even this. One of my great friends had depression for 2 years, and he got through b/c he went to the Lord every day and he is such a loving joyful guy then and still is now. Jesus is amazing and can do anything, i will definitely pray for you, b/c i know through my life and my friend's life that God can heal any sickness. Prayer can change a lot, and he wants to know you and you to know Him. He loves you so much regardless of anything you do.

[unwritten]

Good luck dude. Hang in there. I am in and out of depression but I usually try to focus on things that make me happy and I also try to keep busy for the most part. I know it's hard though.

[anamericangod]

Man, that's rough. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sure you'll end up on something that will keep your disturbing thoughts at bay. I think at times like these, it's important to remember that it's all in your head and that in reality, you don't have anything to worry about. I know it's not as simple as it sounds, but I know remembering that would help me.

I wish you all of the luck in the world in getting passed this. I'm sure you will.

Yeah, I try to reassure myself of what I have been told and what I should believe, but it is still very difficult. Thank you.

Best of luck to you sir and I hope you feel better soon.

two summers ago, i went through a bout of depression and panic attacks.. so i sorta understand..i do hope that everything turns around for you... i will definitely say a prayer for you.. just do what you have to do to get yourself better.

I wish you the best in getting over your anxiety

That really sucks. Sorry for all the shit you have to probably deal with every day. I hate when stuff like this happens especially to a member on AP since i feel like i have a certain connection with a lot of the members here which is why i love this site. People come together because of music and end up actually having a lot of connections with a majority of the members on here which is why i love this site. I hope your able to get past this and move on.

You're so nice! I hope your anxiety gets better soon. In the meantime I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thanks guys, means a lot. As shitty as this is for me, I kind of wish more people would reach out to others on AP and get some good advice or reassurance instead of just being shit on. That's what a community is about, and I've learned that there are really some great people here who truly do care.

Stop following Buffalo sports. Anxiety will go from severe to borderline mild/moderate


Yeah, haha. I'm sure it doesn't help. You should have seen me freaking out at the end of the Redskins game. Just wow.

I think it's a great idea that you are writing/documenting what is happening to you. When I was at the peak of my depression/anxiety, I scribbled everything into a notebook. It really helped because I felt like I couldn't tell my parents or my friends anything, but I could get it out somehow. I was also able to see when I was making progress, which was probably the most helpful aspect of the whole thing.

Consider the prayer said;I was raised Catholic, so it counts double, haha :-)

I was raised Catholic as well, but my faith isn't anywhere near what it used to be, and I haven't prayed in a long, long time. Thank you for yours though. As for the writing, I feel as if sometimes it helps, and sometimes it is just something I absolutely have to do to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head. I'll be sure to continue it as long as this lasts.

i realized last night that if you can make it, so can i.
so can everyone else.
your journey is taking you down some unexpected paths. there will be decisions that seem nearly impossible to make. But you, joe, have the universe at your fingertips. hold on tight.
you are in control.

i want you to smile. grin like a maniac. no one can judge you, because you, and only you, hold the universe, joe.

you are making a difference bigger than you'll ever be able to comprehend.

you're leaving your mark, joe.

You are amazing, I really am not sure what else to say. Expect a PM soon.

You're my favorite poster on this site. You're also my other GA person, so I really hope you make a full recovery soon and we can hang at a show or something.

Most definitely man. That has been one of the hardest things about this, not being able to go to shows and enjoy myself like I used to. I have a lot to make up for when I get that chance again.

My friend has the same problem. He is also one of the most rational people I know. You need to take an outside look on yourself and realize how ridiculous your fear really is. I've seen your post you are a pretty smart guy. Just calm down, find someone that can calm you down. Girls are nice, or go chill with your family.

My friend uses philosophy as his medicine, he is on anti-anxiety medication, but its obvious it doesn't work. I think if you come to grips with the fact that eventually you must die some way or another and just understand that you have to live life happy or else you wasted it. Its better to die early and fulfilled than old and sheltered. I mean you are going to die anyway. I'm not telling you to go base jumping, just get it into your head that you are acting absurdly.

I have some serious stress issues sometimes I used to vomit blood and stuff from ulcers. I think it was rooted in my parents divorce, which seriously depressed me. With good friendships and a loving girlfriend it seriously helped me.

Don't seclude yourself in times like these. Its the last thing you need. I think there is a phobia called agoraphobia, which is the ultimate fear of leaving your house in an overwhelming sensation of dying. It starts with anxiety and ends up with some kids not even leaving the bathroom for 5 years at a time. You don't want to end up like that. I don't want you to end up like that. If you can't do it for yourself do it for other people. There are way too many fucking morons out there, the last thing we need is a loss of an intellectual because of some stupid fear.

Talk to a psychologist.

I'm not quite to the point of crawling into the corner and giving up. I'm not giving up, ever. I know what you're trying to say with your advice, but this isn't just something that a friend or family member can calm you down out of. Sometimes that helps, but it goes deeper than this. There are a lot more details to this story. Thank you for your well wishes though, I really enjoyed the last few lines you wrote.

man, i know i can't help you, but you're posts are always funny and you seem to be a very nice guy. i hope that everything works out for you.

Glad I can make somebody laugh. :-)

You seem like a really cool guy, and I hope you get through this soon.

Thank you pedo bear girly.

Well, my experience with anxiety is you should never, ever think it is "over."

You will probably be battling it in some form most of your life. But you can also get to a point where you barely notice it and when it does break out, you know how to handle it.

As much shit as I give you on here for posting the stuff you do, thank you for reading and responding.

dude i know how hardcore anxiety can be. i prayed for you and im positive your gonna get through it

That sucks man, but you're gonna get through it, just take it day by day. <3

Thanks guys. :-)

Hey man, i just wanted to say that the Lord is bigger than anything and even this. One of my great friends had depression for 2 years, and he got through b/c he went to the Lord every day and he is such a loving joyful guy then and still is now. Jesus is amazing and can do anything, i will definitely pray for you, b/c i know through my life and my friend's life that God can heal any sickness. Prayer can change a lot, and he wants to know you and you to know Him. He loves you so much regardless of anything you do.

I have pretty much lost all faith and religious conviction over the past few years due to a lot of things that have happened, but this experience is almost making me take a step back and look at the spiritual aspect of things. I'm not sure what I believe or why I believe it, but prayers and God can only help my situation, so I am highly considering turning to that again.

[cora_ann]

I was raised Catholic as well, but my faith isn't anywhere near what it used to be, and I haven't prayed in a long, long time. Thank you for yours though. As for the writing, I feel as if sometimes it helps, and sometimes it is just something I absolutely have to do to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head. I'll be sure to continue it as long as this lasts.


I have pretty much lost all faith and religious conviction over the past few years due to a lot of things that have happened, but this experience is almost making me take a step back and look at the spiritual aspect of things. I'm not sure what I believe or why I believe it, but prayers and God can only help my situation, so I am highly considering turning to that again.

Sounds pretty familiar. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic HS and now a Catholic college, but I definitely lost my faith a few years ago (it's not like losing your car keys, but I have no other way to describe it) and it really made me very depressed, especially since I didn't know anyone who felt the same way. I just felt like a piece was missing in my life that I couldn't fill. It doesn't help that I've become very cynical, either. I guess I should try going back; what can it hurt?

[anamericangod]

Sounds pretty familiar. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic HS and now a Catholic college, but I definitely lost my faith a few years ago (it's not like losing your car keys, but I have no other way to describe it) and it really made me very depressed, especially since I didn't know anyone who felt the same way. I just felt like a piece was missing in my life that I couldn't fill. It doesn't help that I've become very cynical, either. I guess I should try going back; what can it hurt?

I used to be very passionate and defensive about my faith, and now I don't have any left. I haven't gone to confession in years. I am thinking about doing it, and just letting everything pour out to the priest and see if he has anything supportive to say. It's weird having that be such a big part of growing up, and then it's just kind of gone. Part of me almost feels ashamed for leaving the Church, or like I'm not as good as the other members who don't seem to question their faith as much as I have. I really don't know what to believe, and I know I can't just flip a switch and automatically feel like I am where I belong.

Not sure what I'm gonna do, but maybe it would be beneficial for both psychological and spiritual aspects of my situation. Only one way to find out I suppose.

[Lee McGee]

First off, I want to say that you are really brave for sharing this with all of us. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you to type this. I cannot say that I know how you feel, but I can say that there people (like us), your friends, who will be there for you when you feel like you're falling.
I know what you mean about your faith. I still don't know what to believe, and alot of times I feel like the higher powers have forgotten about me. I know, however, that they just work different ways and never forget about you. You are just as good as those cathloic members, and I think youre a kick ass person. It's a shame you live in Georgia because I could see myself being hang out friends with you. I hope you get better and know you will get through this because every day is a gift, and you need to experience it before it's gone.
We're here for you. Don't forget it

[cora_ann]

I used to be very passionate and defensive about my faith, and now I don't have any left. I haven't gone to confession in years. I am thinking about doing it, and just letting everything pour out to the priest and see if he has anything supportive to say. It's weird having that be such a big part of growing up, and then it's just kind of gone. Part of me almost feels ashamed for leaving the Church, or like I'm not as good as the other members who don't seem to question their faith as much as I have. I really don't know what to believe, and I know I can't just flip a switch and automatically feel like I am where I belong.

Not sure what I'm gonna do, but maybe it would be beneficial for both psychological and spiritual aspects of my situation. Only one way to find out I suppose.
Yeah, Catholic guilt sucks, haha; I always felt like such an outsider for doubting my faith, and I never really got any help when I really needed it; I guess I resented the church for a while after that.

My mom has drug me to mass a few times when I go to visit her, and it amazes me because she is so moved by it that she is brought to tears. I've never felt that way about my faith because I've always been much more analytical about it, so it's kind of impossible to tell her how I'm feeling. I think you're right, confession might be a good idea (as scary as it can be).

[Lee McGee]

yeah it is.. I would always do confession with the screen...face to face confession is the most scary thing

[bduke13]

I really hope you get through this rough stretch of your life sooner than later. I have been through a lot of the same stuff you have (although on a smaller scale) and I know how tough it can be.

[apoemtothedead]

Max Bemis called, he wants his problems back.

[spikeXtheXpunch]

I usually don't go into the personal forum, or if I do I never post. But I see your posts all the time and you seem like a really awesome guy. Good luck with everything, I hope everything turns out okay. I'll be sure to pray for you.

[tomakebelieve]

I used to be very passionate and defensive about my faith, and now I don't have any left. I haven't gone to confession in years. I am thinking about doing it, and just letting everything pour out to the priest and see if he has anything supportive to say. It's weird having that be such a big part of growing up, and then it's just kind of gone. Part of me almost feels ashamed for leaving the Church, or like I'm not as good as the other members who don't seem to question their faith as much as I have. I really don't know what to believe, and I know I can't just flip a switch and automatically feel like I am where I belong.

Not sure what I'm gonna do, but maybe it would be beneficial for both psychological and spiritual aspects of my situation. Only one way to find out I suppose.

i wasn't raised Catholic, but I know exactly how you feel about having church be the huge part of your life and then all of the sudden, it's just gone. i was raised in a really big Lutheran family where the church was everything. all of my male cousins were pastors or going to be pastors, i really wanted to do missionary work, church every sunday, and dinner with the pastor every friday night, etc... and then high school happened, and i made the switch from private to public school. long story short: i made friends with atheists, questioned my faith several times, and completely left the church when i was seventeen. needless to say, my parents and most of my family was a little ungraceful with the news about my complete lack of faith.

and then when i was eighteen, i had a really rough time, and at the lowest low of my depression, when i was actually in the hospital for it, i ended up receiving a visit from the pastor who baptized and confirmed me who just asked me to give church another shot. i don't go as often as i used to (more like once every four sundays), but every once in a while, it's just nice to sit in church and listen to the sermon, sing along to the hymns, and everything. it's nice because with the church (and when you have a good set of friends, too i suppose), there's usually a whole group of people who just want to listen and tell you that you're loved and that anything that happens to you is to help strengthen character. that you're never given a situation you can't handle. plus it just reminds me of my life before everything got really complicated, you know?

anyways, i hardly ever post (more of a lurker) or anything, but i was really inspired that you were so open in this forum about what's going on with your life. while i never battled anxiety, i can relate to you, since i've gone through events where i lost my friends and everything before i got better. i truly wish you the best and that everything turns out okay - you always seem like a very decent person and you've made me laugh a few times. and you'll definitely be in my prayers, even as limited as they are.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

yeah it is.. I would always do confession with the screen...face to face confession is the most scary thing

Hahah try going to a Catholic school and having to confess face to face with the headmasters of the school. I was scared the first time 'cause I had to admit about sex. I was pretty devout when I was a freshman. I'm pretty sure going to a religious school just points out all the flaws in the religion.

Eventually me and my friends made a joke of it 'cause its strictly confidential. So we would see who could say the most outrageous thing without it being unbelievable. The worst so far was my friend saying he had sex with a dog and raped his cousin twice.

[Chancetobe]

Whenever I get down about my life (which is hardly the same thing as your going through, I know) I just try to change things around for myself, and do the opposite of what i'm doing. If your sick of your friends, your college, ect. (which I think i've seen you say that you are) then consider moving. Just pick a city you've always wanted to visit, dive in and move there. Doing something major and impulsive could maybe just change things around, and give you the sort of jump start you need to get our of your funk. Or at least hopefully. I'm sorry, I don't really know if this is good advice or not, but I just figured I'd throw it out there.

Either way, good luck with everything. I think it's somewhat normal for everyone to go through a time in thier life when life just feels like more than they can handle; and I think that you'll be just fine :-). It's also really nice to see AP actually reach out and be nice for once. If anything, that probably says something about you... when a bunch of random people come out of internet hiding to wish you thier best. I doubt that this would happen for most people.

[xvszero]

As much shit as I give you on here for posting the stuff you do, thank you for reading and responding.

Well not only do I not take internet arguments seriously, I rarely even remember whom they were with.

Besides anxiety/depression suck hardcore. It's a tough thing to live with.

[sdbrown]

My friend has the same problem. He is also one of the most rational people I know. You need to take an outside look on yourself and realize how ridiculous your fear really is. I've seen your post you are a pretty smart guy. Just calm down, find someone that can calm you down. Girls are nice, or go chill with your family.

My friend uses philosophy as his medicine, he is on anti-anxiety medication, but its obvious it doesn't work. I think if you come to grips with the fact that eventually you must die some way or another and just understand that you have to live life happy or else you wasted it. Its better to die early and fulfilled than old and sheltered. I mean you are going to die anyway. I'm not telling you to go base jumping, just get it into your head that you are acting absurdly.

I have some serious stress issues sometimes I used to vomit blood and stuff from ulcers. I think it was rooted in my parents divorce, which seriously depressed me. With good friendships and a loving girlfriend it seriously helped me.

Don't seclude yourself in times like these. Its the last thing you need. I think there is a phobia called agoraphobia, which is the ultimate fear of leaving your house in an overwhelming sensation of dying. It starts with anxiety and ends up with some kids not even leaving the bathroom for 5 years at a time. You don't want to end up like that. I don't want you to end up like that. If you can't do it for yourself do it for other people. There are way too many fucking morons out there, the last thing we need is a loss of an intellectual because of some stupid fear.

Talk to a psychologist.
Honestly, this is right on. I had really bad anxiety for years in high school. The thing that actually snapped me out of it was the threat to put me in a hospital. It's difficult to articulate and I dont' like displaying this on the internet but if it helps then yay. I hope this doesn't sound like "do this and you'll be cured" because I don't know you or every detail of the situation and anxiety can manifest differently in different people and having people tell you to "just stop acting that way" or "it's all in your head" can be frustrating. This is just what worked for me and it may help.

Like the poster above me said, you need to look at what is going on and recognize how ridiculous it all is- it's sort of like that Rugrats episode when Chuckie and his dad look under his bed to see the monster, and it turns out to be the fugly sweater.

I'm not trying to defame anyone's religion- I know it helps a lot of people- but I will say it definitely made it worse for me. It made me realize I couldn't depend on God or anyone else to 'heal' this problem. It's not going to come miraculously. I needed to rationalize everything that was going on and remind myself, oh, that's some stupid spasm or that's just this. Make every process something you understand or can control.

So in case all I just wrote was crap and unhelpful, I'll add that your posts are always witty and I hope you improve and overcome this. Celebrate every step forward and don't dwell on it when you take a step back. Good luck (even if the phrase is inappropriate because it doesn't have much to do with luck!)

[sweetforever]

You've always seemed like a good guy, and I wish you nothing but the best. I've been reading your journals about all this, and I hope you can make it through.

[vixsummer]

As some one who's been struggling with depression/anxiety disorder for the past 8 years (only diagnosed for the past 3), I know how hard it is just to get through a day. It seems like your symptoms have been leaning more towards the anxiety side right now, which is scarier, but it might be a good thing for your recovery from this episode, since at least you can motivate yourself. when i had my severe depressive episodes, i couldn't even get out of bed for days, weeks at a time. and everyone says "well just get up", but its really not that simple.

the one thing that helped me go from my lowest point to my highest was doing everything - medication, therapy, church (though i'm not super religious), exercising and staying busy. thats why i say it might even be helpful if you're more anxious than depressed right now, because at least you can get yourself out of the house to go to the gym or something.

also, idk if your condition is at all seasonal, but i've been looking into sunlamps.

i'm in the middle of a depressive episode, but i've been functioning, which is more than ive done in the past. as long as you keep reminding yourself that you're in control and you make the decisions, every day is another day to turn it around.

keep your chin up and pm me if you ever need someone to talk to. <3

[Alexxx]

you'll be fine.
I say that in the least asshole way that I can.

[cora_ann]

Hahah try going to a Catholic school and having to confess face to face with the headmasters of the school. I was scared the first time 'cause I had to admit about sex. I was pretty devout when I was a freshman. I'm pretty sure going to a religious school just points out all the flaws in the religion.

Eventually me and my friends made a joke of it 'cause its strictly confidential. So we would see who could say the most outrageous thing without it being unbelievable. The worst so far was my friend saying he had sex with a dog and raped his cousin twice.

You do know that priests can tell the police when they hear something like that, right?

And confession is really intimidating. I hate having to think and say all the things I've done wrong in my life, especially after I'm done. I know you are supposed to feel better afterward, but I almost always feel worse. :-(

[SubrosaSeductiv]

You do know that priests can tell the police when they hear something like that, right?

And confession is really intimidating. I hate having to think and say all the things I've done wrong in my life, especially after I'm done. I know you are supposed to feel better afterward, but I almost always feel worse. :-(

Wrong. I asked my head master, he claims they can only ask you to turn yourself in as pennance, or else in the eyes of God you are a sinner.

[billyboatkid]

Hey man just wanted to say I wish you the best your my favorite poster on this site, you always make me laugh and I hope you can pull your self through what your going through.

Adam

[anamericangod]

You do know that priests can tell the police when they hear something like that, right?

And confession is really intimidating. I hate having to think and say all the things I've done wrong in my life, especially after I'm done. I know you are supposed to feel better afterward, but I almost always feel worse. :-(

While priests technically can tell the police if they hear something during confession, what that priest tells is not legally binding. That cannot be used in court. Also according to Catholic law, the priest cannot tell the secrets of a confession to save the life of somebody else, to prevent a disaster, or even to save his own life. Confession is completely sacred and confidential.

Hey man just wanted to say I wish you the best your my favorite poster on this site, you always make me laugh and I hope you can pull your self through what your going through.

Adam

Thanks man. It has surprised me that I'm some people's favorite poster, but I always love hearing that I make people laugh. That truly makes me happy.

[billyboatkid]

While priests technically can tell the police if they hear something during confession, what that priest tells is not legally binding. That cannot be used in court. Also according to Catholic law, the priest cannot tell the secrets of a confession to save the life of somebody else, to prevent a disaster, or even to save his own life. Confession is completely sacred and confidential.



Thanks man. It has surprised me that I'm some people's favorite poster, but I always love hearing that I make people laugh. That truly makes me happy.

Good man thats how you should be thinking all the time im sure you brighten many people's days you do mine. There is so much more to care and think about then death and worrying about it, I know its a disorder but I know your strong enough to overcome it, especially with those smartass funny remarks you come up with. Our mind is our strongest weapon, and our biggest weakness, but we can control it, ill pray for you and I have faith you will be able to control it and overcome it. good luck man, and I look forward to reading more of your histerical and intellectual posts.

[cora_ann]

While priests technically can tell the police if they hear something during confession, what that priest tells is not legally binding. That cannot be used in court. Also according to Catholic law, the priest cannot tell the secrets of a confession to save the life of somebody else, to prevent a disaster, or even to save his own life. Confession is completely sacred and confidential.



Thanks man. It has surprised me that I'm some people's favorite poster, but I always love hearing that I make people laugh. That truly makes me happy.
Wow, I didn't know priests' statements weren't legally binding. Interesting. My religion teacher in high school definitely told us that if a priest doesn't tell police something himself, he can definitely make it part of a person's penance to go to the authorities if they've done something illegal.

*Edit: I just saw this:
Wrong. I asked my head master, he claims they can only ask you to turn yourself in as pennance, or else in the eyes of God you are a sinner.

Does this work the same way with psychologists?

[meliisssaaaa]

feel better...i don't really know what advice to give you, but i hope you get happy soon and fight through whatever pain you're dealing with. my heart goes out to you.
http://cipis.4id.lv/w/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/articleimage6.jpg

[SubrosaSeductiv]

Wow, I didn't know priests' statements weren't legally binding. Interesting. My religion teacher in high school definitely told us that if a priest doesn't tell police something himself, he can definitely make it part of a person's penance to go to the authorities if they've done something illegal.

*Edit: I just saw this:


Does this work the same way with psychologists?

No I'm pretty sure its just the opposite. I think they have to tell someone if you are suicidal or homocidal. You get put on watch and shit. Plus psychologists aren't really down with the big J and G. So they can't really condemn you to hell for not confessing, so confessing is only your decision for your benefit.

[SubrosaSeductiv]

feel better...i don't really know what advice to give you, but i hope you get happy soon and fight through whatever pain you're dealing with. my heart goes out to you.
http://cipis.4id.lv/w/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/articleimage6.jpg


Dude. Fuck this picture.

[stayillogical]

Hey Joe.

Just want to let you know that you're also my favorite poster on this site. I've been staying up to date with your blogs and I truly hope you get better. You're a good person and I'm sure that in time, things will get better for you. If you find yourself needing someone to talk to, feel free to IM me. I tend to be online until 3-4am on most nights. :)

[anamericangod]

No I'm pretty sure its just the opposite. I think they have to tell someone if you are suicidal or homocidal. You get put on watch and shit. Plus psychologists aren't really down with the big J and G. So they can't really condemn you to hell for not confessing, so confessing is only your decision for your benefit.

Truth.

Dude. Fuck this picture.

Hahahahaha.

[cora_ann]

No I'm pretty sure its just the opposite. I think they have to tell someone if you are suicidal or homocidal. You get put on watch and shit. Plus psychologists aren't really down with the big J and G. So they can't really condemn you to hell for not confessing, so confessing is only your decision for your benefit.
Makes sense. The big J and G? hahahaha.

[Until The Bombs]

Truth.



Hahahahaha.



Do you think that you are better off now, after all the meds, or before you ever got on them? I'm asking because I'm considering talking to someone about some kind of medication for myself. I've gone on a series of interviews of the last two months in an attempt to get an accounting job. I really feel that my anxiety has been holding me back. My grades have gotten me interviews with some really big firms, but almost all of my opportunities have lead to dead ends, I feel as a result of not being able to maintain my cool at all. I think medication might help me, but it wouldn't be worth it if sometime later my problems actually get worse.

I know most people would just say that I'm simply nervous, but I think going on these interviews has forced me to deal with what I would guess is some kind of social anxiety. I think I've just found ways to avoid facing the issue up until this point, so I never realized how bad it actual was.

[LV03]

damn thats rough....i sincerely hope you feel better!

[anamericangod]

Do you think that you are better off now, after all the meds, or before you ever got on them? I'm asking because I'm considering talking to someone about some kind of medication for myself. I've gone on a series of interviews of the last two months in an attempt to get an accounting job. I really feel that my anxiety has been holding me back. My grades have gotten me interviews with some really big firms, but almost all of my opportunities have lead to dead ends, I feel as a result of not being able to maintain my cool at all. I think medication might help me, but it wouldn't be worth it if sometime later my problems actually get worse.

I know most people would just say that I'm simply nervous, but I think going on these interviews has forced me to deal with what I would guess is some kind of social anxiety. I think I've just found ways to avoid facing the issue up until this point, so I never realized how bad it actual was.

I would highly, highly recommend talking to a psychiatrist or psychologist about what you are feeling. From what you are telling me here, it sounds like you have a moderate form of anxiety, which is extremely treatable, dare I say easily.

If you are experiencing enough of this feeling to question whether or not you have an issue in the first place should be a good reason to go talk to a doctor. You do not want to let this build up, no matter how minor you think it may be. I tried to deal with things my way for a long time, telling myself maybe something was wrong, maybe something wasn't, and now I am pretty fucked up and getting proper treatment. There is nothing wrong with taking medication, you just have to find out what works for you.

Please please please go talk to a professional. Don't make the mistakes I did.

[xo_no.one.knows]

“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live”
"some people lose all mind and become soul: insane.
some peope lose all soul and become mind: intellectual.
some people lose both and become: accepted"
-two of my favorite bukowski quotes that help me through my own battles with anxiety/deppression/pts/bi-polar/eating disorders.
you really are girfted with words. and i hope u get better. itll be tough but hang in there.

[oneswiftmotion]

wow. I really hope you get past this, and get better. You're in my prayers and wishes along with a PS3 for Christmas, joking. Just feel better and you're in my prayers.

[turncoat93]

we dont talk or anything but you seem like a really cool guy.
best of luck to you
ill keep you in my prayers

[Until The Bombs]

I would highly, highly recommend talking to a psychiatrist or psychologist about what you are feeling. From what you are telling me here, it sounds like you have a moderate form of anxiety, which is extremely treatable, dare I say easily.

If you are experiencing enough of this feeling to question whether or not you have an issue in the first place should be a good reason to go talk to a doctor. You do not want to let this build up, no matter how minor you think it may be. I tried to deal with things my way for a long time, telling myself maybe something was wrong, maybe something wasn't, and now I am pretty fucked up and getting proper treatment. There is nothing wrong with taking medication, you just have to find out what works for you.

Please please please go talk to a professional. Don't make the mistakes I did.

Thanks for the advice. It's greatly appreciated. Hopefully I'll set something up after I graduate in a few days and deal with this shit head on. I wish you the best with your own troubles.

[#WhiteFender#]

man... well i guess all i can really say is your in my prayers.