My Girlfriend has "trust" issues

[jagermeister]

Long story short:

GF and I broke up before I moved away to College. I got with a few girls and she knows about it, now we're back together and she's telling me she isn't cool with me being friends with them. I told her until she is comfortable with it things wont work out between her and I.

Am I in the right or the wrong here?

[resrchmnkygrl6]

You're right. Any reasonable person knows a relationship is built on trust [among other things] and if you don't trust each other, just walk away before either you gets into a majorly serious relationship with big problems. I still don't quite get how a significant other has the ability to block their other half's friends though..hmph.

[Dan CiTi]

You're right. She has to learn to trust you. You have to show her things are OK before you start dating again.

[Perrish279]

She IS a woman. And I've heard women admit it, WOMEN ARE STUPID.

Men aren't called 'bitches' for a reason.

If you truely love this girl, you'll have to end up not putting on the whole "NO WAY BEITCH. YOU LISTEN TA ME!" kinda thing, cuz you'll end up losing.

Just be careful, make her think she's winning, but find a balance.

remember this, "When it comes to women, you can win the fight, but you're sleepin' on the couch."

[Dan CiTi]

Yeah, the female mind isn't a fan of logic or rationality.

[nonamesleft]

You're right.
Many girls have trust issues (I'm guilty of it)
But trust will either make or break a relationship.

[jwelborn]

As much as you are right, you won't win.

[apoemtothedead]

From the looks of it, quit complaining and take what you can get.

[FeynmanWannabe]

From the looks of it, quit complaining and take what you can get. you *


Fixed.

[apoemtothedead]

you *


Fixed.
I think that was implied. :rolleyes:

[popdisaster00]

New question.

Assume she dumped you, hooked up with a few douche bags while you were single and then now you're back together. About how cool would you be with her hanging out with those guys? And if you say you wouldn't care at all, you're a liar. I am not calling you out, it's just human nature.

[brentkid]

New question.

Assume she dumped you, hooked up with a few douche bags while you were single and then now you're back together. About how cool would you be with her hanging out with those guys? And if you say you wouldn't care at all, you're a liar. I am not calling you out, it's just human nature.
Pretty much what I was going to say. I can't say I'd be cool with that either. I mean if these girls were just hookups why keep in touch anyway?

[imperfectstarx]

Pretty much what I was going to say. I can't say I'd be cool with that either. I mean if these girls were just hookups why keep in touch anyway?

Agreed. There's really no reason to keep in touch with girls you only wanted to hook up with, unless you plan on hooking up with them again, but you're obviously not. I think she has a point in being upset that you're still friends with them. But you also shouldn't give her a reason to not trust you.

[updownleftright]

As much as you are right, you won't win.

i would concur.
i'm in a very similar situation right now but.. i don't know, we'll see what happens.

[breaking news!]

Long story short:

GF and I broke up before I moved away to College. I got with a few girls and she knows about it, now we're back together and she's telling me she isn't cool with me being friends with them. I told her until she is comfortable with it things wont work out between her and I.

Am I in the right or the wrong here?


uhh, i was in the same situation, only other side.

i cant hold something against him thats in the past. theres no way to change it--so that is just a waste of time. if shes not comfortable with it, then i dont know if you think thats worth it...trust is the basis of how a relationship works...if she really wanted you back, then shed want to start over, and try to get past her insecurities. otherwise...your in college, find someone else.

[breaking news!]

Agreed. There's really no reason to keep in touch with girls you only wanted to hook up with, unless you plan on hooking up with them again, but you're obviously not. I think she has a point in being upset that you're still friends with them. But you also shouldn't give her a reason to not trust you.


no, there is no reason. just because you talk to past girls, doesnt mean you want to get with them again. hell, i stay friends with almost all of my boyfriends, and theyve respected that ive moved on, and it stays that way... girls need to get over worries about their boyfriends past, and be a bit less dramatic. its not someones right to conrtol their boy/girlfriends social life. i dont agree with it; its a selfish thing to do...no one likes a petty girl who needs constant reassurance that nothing else is going on, because they dont even talk to anyone else...

its not that big of a deal. its not you--its her.

[Adrian Villagomez]

You're wrong. If you've slept with them, you're best off not talking to them. Here's what your girlfriend has to face in the relationship - any time you guys get in a fight or are on a break, you have an easy hook up waiting. Unless these girls are now repulsed by you physically, you're in the wrong.

[Sarie]

You're wrong. If you've slept with them, you're best off not talking to them. Here's what your girlfriend has to face in the relationship - any time you guys get in a fight or are on a break, you have an easy hook up waiting. Unless these girls are now repulsed by you physically, you're in the wrong.

I agree.

I've been in the same situation before, and yeah, it does suck. But there's not much you can do...

[imperfectstarx]

no, there is no reason. just because you talk to past girls, doesnt mean you want to get with them again. hell, i stay friends with almost all of my boyfriends, and theyve respected that ive moved on, and it stays that way... girls need to get over worries about their boyfriends past, and be a bit less dramatic. its not someones right to conrtol their boy/girlfriends social life. i dont agree with it; its a selfish thing to do...no one likes a petty girl who needs constant reassurance that nothing else is going on, because they dont even talk to anyone else...

its not that big of a deal. its not you--its her.

There's a difference between a boyfriend and just a hook up though. I completely agree that it shouldnt matter if youre friends with an ex...because they're obviously an ex for a reason.

[jcarbs]

There's a difference between a boyfriend and just a hook up though. I completely agree that it shouldnt matter if youre friends with an ex...because they're obviously an ex for a reason.

yea, the reason they're an ex is because at some point you found them attractive, and maybe its just me, but if i found them attractive before, chances are i still do, somewhat. so i can understand where the chick is coming from.

[jagermeister]

you *


Fixed.
You look exactly like Stephen Hawking Shut up. You are probably a virgin. My girlfriend is a smoke show.

Everyone else - thanks :-)

Pretty much what I was going to say. I can't say I'd be cool with that either. I mean if these girls were just hookups why keep in touch anyway?

No, I would not care if she was hanging out with anyone she hooked up with because I trust her 100%. And these girls weren't "just hookups" they are friends I happen to have hooked up with.

no, there is no reason. just because you talk to past girls, doesnt mean you want to get with them again. hell, i stay friends with almost all of my boyfriends, and theyve respected that ive moved on, and it stays that way... girls need to get over worries about their boyfriends past, and be a bit less dramatic. its not someones right to conrtol their boy/girlfriends social life. i dont agree with it; its a selfish thing to do...no one likes a petty girl who needs constant reassurance that nothing else is going on, because they dont even talk to anyone else...

its not that big of a deal. its not you--its her.

THANKS!

Anyways,

My point is that I hooked up with these girls, we never had sex. They are friends, and were friends when it happened. I told one of them I just wanted to remain friends and the hooking up had to stop. What I don't get is why it should matter to my girlfriend if I am still friends with these girls who are JUST FRIENDS. If she loves me, she should trust me because I trust myself.

[apoemtothedead]

http://www.tvacres.com/images/dancing_cigarettes_small.jpg

[White Noise]

You can't stay friends with girls that you hooked up with. And then expect for your girlfriend to not mind.

[jagermeister]

You can't stay friends with girls that you hooked up with. And then expect for your girlfriend to not mind.

Maybe when your girlfriend is 17 instead of 20.

[White Noise]

Maybe when your girlfriend is 17 instead of 20.

Maybe, but that goes for any girl. If they're sensitive, which most girls are, they're going to mind about that kind of stuff. And its foolish of you to pick some random girls, or whatever they may be to you, over your girlfriend who, i assume you care about more than these other chicks. But i don't know your whole situation or who you care about more. I'm just sayin. :shrug:

[jagermeister]

Well these girls are very good friends of mine. And for the record, its only 2 girls but they are friends I happened to do stuff with. And as much as I am agreeing with what most people are saying...its unfair to have your significant other tell you not to be friends with someone. Thats basically saying, "I trust you but only if I can control the situations you are put in." I just think she needs to accept that while we weren't together some meaningless hookups happened with a few girls I know, and that while I told them its not happening again, I am still friends with them.

Also, I left out the fact that my girlfriend is moving to Australia in a month. Maybe she is just getting a little extra scared being so far away and all.

[resrchmnkygrl6]

Well these girls are very good friends of mine. And for the record, its only 2 girls but they are friends I happened to do stuff with. And as much as I am agreeing with what most people are saying...its unfair to have your significant other tell you not to be friends with someone. Thats basically saying, "I trust you but only if I can control the situations you are put in." I just think she needs to accept that while we weren't together some meaningless hookups happened with a few girls I know, and that while I told them its not happening again, I am still friends with them.

Also, I left out the fact that my girlfriend is moving to Australia in a month. Maybe she is just getting a little extra scared being so far away and all.
She doesn't sound like good pickin'. I mean, she's leaving for a different country and she's attempting to limit your friends.

Back to its roots, you date to find a life partner. Not sure if you're looking for marriage or whatever, but do you seriously want a restrictive LONG DISTANCE relationship?


You need a priority check...and make sure YOU are at the top.

[White Noise]

Well these girls are very good friends of mine. And for the record, its only 2 girls but they are friends I happened to do stuff with. And as much as I am agreeing with what most people are saying...its unfair to have your significant other tell you not to be friends with someone. Thats basically saying, "I trust you but only if I can control the situations you are put in." I just think she needs to accept that while we weren't together some meaningless hookups happened with a few girls I know, and that while I told them its not happening again, I am still friends with them.

Also, I left out the fact that my girlfriend is moving to Australia in a month. Maybe she is just getting a little extra scared being so far away and all.

Ya, i got ya, but they're not just friends, they're friends that are a threat to her if you hooked up with them. And there is still a chance that you could do that again.

But if she's moving away to Australia in a month it won't matter. You will probably break up. That just seems to be the way it is with long distance. Especially if your already having trust issues.

[White Noise]

She doesn't sound like good pickin'. I mean, she's leaving for a different country and she's attempting to limit your friends.

Back to its roots, you date to find a life partner. Not sure if you're looking for marriage or whatever, but do you seriously want a restrictive LONG DISTANCE relationship?


You need a priority check...and make sure YOU are at the top.

That may not always be the best thing in the long run.

[jagermeister]

Update:

We talked and she realized she is being foolish.
I have been with this girl for two years, and we have just spent 3 months apart so when she moves away for school herself, the few months she is gone wont matter. We are both fully aware on what we're getting into with this.

[popdisaster00]

uhh, i was in the same situation, only other side.

i cant hold something against him thats in the past. theres no way to change it--so that is just a waste of time. if shes not comfortable with it, then i dont know if you think thats worth it...trust is the basis of how a relationship works...if she really wanted you back, then shed want to start over, and try to get past her insecurities. otherwise...your in college, find someone else.
I wish you'd give my girlfriend a piece of your mind.

[vixsummer]

It seems like you've worked things out, but just to throw this out there: you have to look at the end result that you want. Bottom line, do you want to date your girlfriend or be friends with these other girls? (I know you should be able to do both, that's not the point right now.) If the answer is 'date your girlfriend' then you have to stop being stubborn and figure out how to work things out with her first. Once she feels she can trust you again, she won't care who you're friends with. But if you keep fighting her on girls that are supposed to be less important to you than her, she's going to continue to be suspicious.

Good luck!

[breaking news!]

I wish you'd give my girlfriend a piece of your mind.


i'll put that bitch in her place.