Long term relationship confusion

[FallingOut]

Ill try to keep this as short as I can. If you read it thanks. If you reply extra thanks.

Ive been going out with a girl for just over 3 years. She is my first girlfriend. We get along great, we have a great relationship overall, were one of those couples that I think everybody just expects us to get married because were pretty much perfect for each other. She has her own apartment now, and I still live at home with my parents. I just turned 23 and JUST graduated from college last weekend. I stay the night at her place on Saturday nights, because I havent committed to moving in with her yet or getting engaged, and this is just a routine we got in. She really, really, really wants to move in together and get engaged. I just...dont know. I should be ready after THREE FREAKING YEARS, right? I know that part of the eqaution is that she is my first girlfriend, and you know, in a way, I know of want to see what else is out there. On the other hand, I cant imagine breaking up with her, because in so many ways it seems so right. She is getting frustrated with the not living together situation, and I told her that we can probably move in when I get a good enough job to pay for half the rent. She has a good job at a bank, right now I only work at a movie theatre. I just feel like, if we move in, Im dead committed, we might as well be married! I dont want to get married yet. I still find myself thinking about other girls and looking at them, and I hate it, especially because Im extremely short, very shy, and Im lucky a taller girl even wants me. The other stupid thing is, I let my gf and my height distance bother me. Even after 3 years. Shes about 5 inches taller than me, and I cant help but wish we were closer in height. Im just so confused right now. I know people will say "try taking a break" but I just cant see that happening. Sorry this was so long.

[mrzippo3]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going on 3 years with my gf as well, and now we're both graduated. She would like us to live together I imagine as well, but I don't think we will for now. There's no need to. No need to rush at all. If its meant to be, you'll have your whole lives to live together. "Fools rush in" On the marriage tip, engagement is a horrible idea. Again, no need to rush this, no matter how long you've been dating. You both are still young. Anything can happen in a years time. I know lots of couples that have dated for 5-8 years and broken up. It happens. Too many people are getting engaged way too young nowadays and the divorce rate is way too high. Your doubts are normal, we all have doubts. Go with the flow.

[Alexxx]

Try taking a break, or your fucked.
Your gonna give your life to someone that you've been dating for three years thats your FIRST GIRLFRIEND? grow some balls, date around, let her do the same.

[FallingOut]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going on 3 years with my gf as well, and now we're both graduated. She would like us to live together I imagine as well, but I don't think we will for now. There's no need to. No need to rush at all. If its meant to be, you'll have your whole lives to live together. "Fools rush in" On the marriage tip, engagement is a horrible idea. Again, no need to rush this, no matter how long you've been dating. You both are still young. Anything can happen in a years time. I know lots of couples that have dated for 5-8 years and broken up. It happens. Too many people are getting engaged way too young nowadays and the divorce rate is way too high. Your doubts are normal, we all have doubts. Go with the flow.

Thats how I feel overall. I mean, people are married for so long, like 50 damn years. Whats the rush when were only 23 and 21 years old? I still am not mature enough for marriage. Yeah, my friend is getting married, her best friend is getting married, and her brother is married and hes 23. I hate that I have this pressure because other people are engaged. I feel like a fool because I havent proposed. I just dont know man. She says I am pushing her away because we havent taken any steps at all in the last year, and I agree that we should take some steps but whats the hurt in keeping it the same if it works? On the other hand, I have to move out of my parents house one of these days, and moving in with her would be logical financially and it would be nice I think. I can see it happening, and it doesnt scare me that much. But I hate that I feel required to do so when i get a job. And what am I supposed to do, say "Well, Im going to get my own apartment." Thats just not an option in this situation. I feel like no matter what, I have no choice but to either break up with her or move in with her, period. Thats where my problem is.

[Dervela]

as cliche as it sounds, i would just say follow your heart. if you've been together for three years, it's obvious there's something there and you know what it's like being with her. a break for you to see what else is out there might scare her so i don't suggest that but at the same time, i wouldn't let her decision to get her own place necessarily effect you. i agree.. you shouldn't rush into something your not ready for and might end up regretting. wait till you find a steady job that you feel will help support yourself financially. she's probably especially eager for you to move in now that she has her own place and has the freedom. enjoy living with your parents while you can, and don't let everyone else pressure you into engagement or something your not ready for. 23 is still young so i wouldn't worry, and if she's only 21 isn't she still in school and whatnot?

[FatJordan]

If she's five inches taller than you, you should get the fuck out of there right now.

You're using really lame excuses as reasons not to move in. Obviously you subconsciously don't want to move in with her, so shit or get off the pot.

[LV03]

my best friend was dating a guy for 3 years, it was her first boyfriend as well. Everyone always thought they would get married, she would sleepover at his apt, and they were planning on moving in after graduation (kinda similar to your situation.) This summer they decided to take a small break...after a few weeks she realized she didn't want to get back with him. Now she's dating a guy she used to have a crush on as a kid. I never thought that they would break up, but now that i see them apart there is no way that they will get back together, and shes a lot happier.

in other words, i think if youre going to take a break, its better to do it now and see where it takes you...instead of letting the relationship drag out and always having doubts in the back of your mind. You never know, it might actually help strengthen the relationship by making you realize that there is noone else out there with whom you can share such a strong connection ...its worth a try.

[jagermeister]

You sound really immature. You probably shouldn't be allowed to date.

[brentkid]

I'm sort of young compared to you but before my relationship ended back in October, it was going on three years. It's funny how our situation's are different but we feel the same about certain things. From time to time I would think about other girls too. Not in a way that I would ever act out on it, but I would just wonder about what would be different or what I was missing. She always talked about us getting married and for a while it freaked me out because she was my first real relationship and I didn't think we should be talking like it was permanent.

To wrap things up. She broke up with me and got together with another guy and as of last night confessed that she doesn't even care for the guy, nor does she see things going anywhere with him. So in that light, wanting to see what else is out there can come back and hit you in the face if it doesn't work out. Plus I mean, you've been in this relationship for three years. Do you really want to take the chance of ruining what you have for the sake of finding a different girl?

I think when people are even slightly unhappy in relationships they tend to wonder things like, "What am I missing outside of this relationship?" You think that there's always the next best thing out there but a lot of people come up short and find nothing. Even being on my own, I haven't come across any girls that are special. It's hard after three years because by then you're pretty comfortable with the other person and just look for their traits in other people. I mean you're twenty three so I guess the time frame is different for you. Marriage isn't a strange and foreign idea for you like it would be for me at 18. I think you need to just evaluate what you really want out of a relationship and let your girlfriend know that you believe moving in together is a really significant step that you guys need to discuss together rather than her just demanding it.