Shipwrecked Faith

[as_we_learn]

I’ve been crossing straight through oceans,
tossed around by their salty motions.
My boat slammed into sand and gravel.
I stumbled right onto new land,
but it’s already been found by those English men.
“Hello there, Son what brings you around here?”

Well let me tell you I’m not quite sure.
I kept pacing thoughts filled with nostalgia
because I left my beliefs in a suitcase now lost.
Some seagull must’ve picked at them by now.

My God must be hiding out on some island
with a telescope looking for his other followers.
“I’m right here with strangers should I still
put my faith in what you’ve tried to teach me?”

Sitting here until the horizon brings my shipwreck
back to pull my away into familiar plains.
The water pushes up against my legs
and cooled my tempered head to bring patience.

The years passing along, I grow even more skinny.
No food or money to afford my own time.
I’ll close my eyes and pray for more hope.
Expecting the sun’s hand to pick me up
and tuck me under the surface of the moon.

[lew_1987]

most english people don't talk like that ya know, they're actually a lot worse. we're a fiendish and barbaric people. i'm usually not a fan of this kind of stuff (fantasy stuff) but it works with this, its really good.

[as_we_learn]

most english people don't talk like that ya know, they're actually a lot worse. we're a fiendish and barbaric people. i'm usually not a fan of this kind of stuff (fantasy stuff) but it works with this, its really good.
Haha alright thanks for readinf Lew.

[a speedo model]

I actually loved this.

I wrote about the sea a lot before, haha. Nice work.

[missmatilde]

this was so great..

because I left my beliefs in a suitcase now lost.
Some seagull must’ve picked at them by now.

I’ll close my eyes and pray for more hope.
Expecting the sun’s hand to pick me up
and tuck me under the surface of the moon.

those parts were simply amazing!

[as_we_learn]

I actually loved this.

I wrote about the sea a lot before, haha. Nice work.
Awesome I'm glad you enjoyed it Josiah. Hopefully I head in the same direction and starting writing as well as you do haha. Thanks again man.
this was so great..

because I left my beliefs in a suitcase now lost.
Some seagull must’ve picked at them by now.

I’ll close my eyes and pray for more hope.
Expecting the sun’s hand to pick me up
and tuck me under the surface of the moon.

those parts were simply amazing!

Thanks a lot for reading Matilde it's always nice to hear such such positive comments from you.

[bootsydan]

Every time I read/hear lyrics that sing a lot about the ocean now I'm instantly reminded of Brand New's "Play Crack The Sky".

However if you live near the ocean, or it is a source of inspiration to you or whatever, then I think there is good reason to write about it. And this was well written. I quite enjoyed it.

[h0merg0mez]

I really love the concept of being shipwrecked and stranded applied to faith. This is pretty powerful.

[OveriseFan]

I wrote about the sea a lot before, haha.

He's not kidding. Every piece was a fucking shipwreck metaphor. hahahaha.

[a speedo model]

He's not kidding. Every piece was a fucking shipwreck metaphor. hahahaha.
Hahaha, ouch. I stopped because James told me to.

[xmy.only.exitx]

left beliefs behind in a lost suitcase so who is pondering over God? Isnt believing in God a belief?
still it was a pretty nice simple piece.

[as_we_learn]

Every time I read/hear lyrics that sing a lot about the ocean now I'm instantly reminded of Brand New's "Play Crack The Sky".

However if you live near the ocean, or it is a source of inspiration to you or whatever, then I think there is good reason to write about it. And this was well written. I quite enjoyed it.
I wish I lived by the ocean, but sadly I'm in the middle of NJ haha. Anyways thanks for reading the piece.
I really love the concept of being shipwrecked and stranded applied to faith. This is pretty powerful.
I'm glad you think so man. Thanks for reading my work.
He's not kidding. Every piece was a fucking shipwreck metaphor. hahahaha.
haha do you have anything to say about the piece?
Hahaha, ouch. I stopped because James told me to.
Haha that's funny.
left beliefs behind in a lost suitcase so who is pondering over God? Isnt believing in God a belief?
still it was a pretty nice simple piece.
Well that's why I begin to question God because I've lost my beliefs in what he has taught me? Thanks for reading.

[OveriseFan]

Hahaha, ouch. I stopped because James told me to.

Hah. I'm only kidding. They were all good, too, which was the crazy part. It just all kind of became monotonous. Your writing is so much better now. You were always good, but now you're incredible. I don't think you understand how good you really are. I'd say you're as good as Matt is, definitely. You don't get enough credit around these parts.

[leezer]

I didn't like the start, apart from the fact that it has a nice tone to it, seemed a bit too 'easy' for want of a better word but I think the piece inproves in the second stanza, I especially like the line about beliefs in a suitcase. I'm not sure about the last stanza, it seemed a bit too realistic compared to the rest of the piece, and maybe if I heard that in a song I'd like it more but on reading it didnt seem as powerful and something else you could have put, again it seemed a bit easy. Some really interesting ideas but I think most of the piece is void on any real creativity on a subject that has almost no boundries, I am being very critical and it has more imagination than a lot of pieces but I think it needs more.

[as_we_learn]

I didn't like the start, apart from the fact that it has a nice tone to it, seemed a bit too 'easy' for want of a better word but I think the piece inproves in the second stanza, I especially like the line about beliefs in a suitcase. I'm not sure about the last stanza, it seemed a bit too realistic compared to the rest of the piece, and maybe if I heard that in a song I'd like it more but on reading it didnt seem as powerful and something else you could have put, again it seemed a bit easy. Some really interesting ideas but I think most of the piece is void on any real creativity on a subject that has almost no boundries, I am being very critical and it has more imagination than a lot of pieces but I think it needs more.
I see what you're saying you want me to try and put more thought into the idea and try to change around a bit. Thanks for reading.

[to kill this]

"I’ll close my eyes and pray for more hope.
Expecting the sun’s hand to pick me up
and tuck me under the surface of the moon."

my favorite part... this is really good, kudos :)