My Life (a self-portrait)...

[BuriedAlive]

My Life (a self-portrait)
with this tear that drips slowly
my own life begins to leave signs of scars
(scars on my heart, breaking away)
these issuses beginning to build
drowning in my own ego
with every word that falls from my mouth
seems rude and slightly distorted
(i cant win, slowly falling apart)
i worry more than you
i dont know when to give up
(just start over, forget the pain)
im anxious and impatient
i rush everything
i lose everything
i cant clock in at the right time
cant hold the words that break you
like rocks thrown against the glass
just stay away
im only pain
wrapped up in an emotional life
hate is all i deserve

[BuriedAlive]

bump... no comments? wow this song must really suck.

[popdisaster530]

naw, great song, its kind of confusing though. is there a refrain? if not, it might make it better.

[BuriedAlive]

well thanks, and its more of a free write.. i havent started to build it into a song yet. and i know where you get that its confusing. its my life its gonna be confusing. i would i could make it more clear. but i think if i tried to do that then it would only degrade the song, not make it better. but i will look into developing it into a song. thanks for the reply.

[BuriedAlive]

bump? any suggestions?

[saving face]

its a cool song, i like the beginning and the end, but the middle part, its got too many I's. Which I understand as it is about yourself, but your song is so much better at the beginning and the end when you dont mention I much. I guess it makes it seem a bit simple with the I's. But overall cool song!

[BuriedAlive]

ya i knwo im gonna find a way to remove all the i's.