"The Road Less Traveled" and "The Sense of Completion"...plz review and tell me

[blink182drumagh]

-the road less traveled-

“why do all days end so terrible”
“wat did I do 2 deserve this”
“no 1 cares I just get crap from every1”

“the people talk all the smack they want”
“it just keeps hurtin me and they wont stop”
“so y do I bother to go 2 school”
“when every1 will make fun of me and make me look like a fool”

“I really don’t need this now”
“y don’t u live a day in my shoes”
“then u can choose”
“whether u wanna take more or just stop”


“and u have the nerve 2 ask how I am”
“shove off bitch ur not helpin me”
“I don’t care how much u say u can”
“the only thing ur good at is makin me sad”

“there is a song about love”
“maybe u should listen 2 it cuz all u do is shove”
“me into walls..wat kind of love is that”
“ill tell u…its nothin but crap”

“its 2 late 2 go back now”
“so can u help me…really….how?”
“no ur just getting at me again”
“I thought u were somethin close 2 me…but ur not even my friend”



-The Sense Of Completion-
"Mom, Dad Im nowhere near perfect"
"and it doesnt help to yell and scream"
"all the pain it seems 2 grow...then i no...then i no"

"the sense of completion"
"i try way 2 hard to meet ur demands"
"i request ur favors, i obey ur commands"
"all fall short and never make u happy"
"good luck w/o me"

"this pain never stops it just aches and aches"
"why cant you support me and be decent parents"
"to much time devoted to u/ now all my pain/ it all breaks through"

"the sense of completion"
"i try way 2 hard to meet ur demands"
"im tired now/ im makin my stand"
"ur nothin more"
"can u be"
"happy w/o me?"

[blink182drumagh]

hey guys plz read it and tell me ur opinion

[xforgetdecember]

I love the song titles.

But.. next time you post lyrics, you should try doing away with chat speak. Especially because you're posting something that you want people to take seriously.

The language you use is a little weak, and your subject matter is kind of juvenile.

You also shouldn't use "bitch" or "crap" in a song - it's kind of crude and with what you're writing about, it's hard to pull using those words off.

I'd maybe start over again, and try using some stronger words. I also suggest changing the songs to a third person point of view, just because they seem a little whiny, "oh pity me" as first person point of view songs.

[Touched]

I quite liked them both but listened to what has been said by xforgetdecember. :)

[Driveitthrough]

I agree with xforgetdecember ... it seems really juvenille; especially with the chat talk. The lines don't really flow from one to another, and therefore I think you would probably have a tough time putting these lyrics to music. Keep at it... you've got some usable material there.