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SweetPoison
03/10/08, 12:13 PM
I'm going to risk posting on here, this is something i wrote and i dont know, it needs something, and yes i know, it is a bit cliche

You left me
Broken hearted and bleeding
On the floor

I trusted you with my heart
Thinking that you would handle it with care
And you did for awhile

Then you crushed it in your hands
And just tossed the pieces aside
As though they were just
Useless fragments of nothing,
That had nothing of value to offer

It did though
I loved you with all my heart
And nothing had changed that until the day when
You left me
Brokenhearted and bleeding
On the floor
as_we_learn
03/10/08, 01:13 PM
This is n't good at all, I'm sorry. Your piece is a lot more than "a bit cliche", it's just plain cliche. Try thinking of different subject matter and try some original ideas. Keep at it though, it takes time to get better.
SweetPoison
03/12/08, 12:11 PM
i know its not good but this was the only one i could find that was written lately. my other stuff is MUCH better
lew_1987
03/13/08, 03:35 AM
This is n't good at all, I'm sorry. Your piece is a lot more than "a bit cliche", it's just plain cliche. Try thinking of different subject matter and try some original ideas. Keep at it though, it takes time to get better.

amen to that.

i know its not good but this was the only one i could find that was written lately. my other stuff is MUCH better

post it then.
SweetPoison
03/13/08, 06:18 AM
gotta find them first...
JimGray
03/13/08, 07:39 AM
It reminds me of that shitty 90s song...
SweetPoison
03/18/08, 07:03 AM
what song?...
JimGray
03/18/08, 08:56 AM
That song thats like,"naked on the floor".