feiges31
12/07/03, 11:27 PM
Well I figured a good cheap christmas present for the misses would be writing a song for her (plus some other stuff I'm not that cheap). But anyways, tell me what you think of it. Oh yeah, I find the second half of both verses to be very cheesy, but she's a fan of that sorta stuff so I figured I throw it in there.
I swear to god I heard you moving
Wide awake now I come to my senses
It's too early and too late
Come sun-up we'll start our journey
We'll lose track of time in each other's eyes
I'll lose everything except that night
And memories can't help describe
The joy of waking up next to you
CHORUS
You're my success
I have you and nothing left to prove
And I'm heartless
Only cause my heart belongs to you
Your lips were made for my dreams
I'll touch them softly in my sleep
Am I unconcsious or awake?
Come sunrise distant memories
That night I slept and still loved you
Woke up, realized that my love grew
I pray for you to love me too
Cause that's a gift I can never buy
CHORUS
Anywho, I was playing around and trying to make both verses mirror eachother, as in: the first two lines deal with sleep, the third lines feature a contrast, and the fourth lines deal with the sun rising. Lines 5-8 of both verses feature the same rhyme scheme, but alliterating the opposite sounds (i,i,i,u for the first verse and u,u,u,i for the second verse).
Finally, here's the first verse of a song I just started writing. It's about waiting for something you can't stand waiting for.
We've waited days for this
Hours stood on end and toppled like skyscrapers
But they don't disappear without a fight
They stretch to survive
Grabbing at our heals to slow down time and not letting go
And the next waits in line
Patient as to draw this out
So drain me of this blood
Pumping through my veins in slow motion
And replace it with that which will cooperate
Fast forward through this slow dance of life
Allow one more day to pass by
Obviously, I'm not limiting myself with a rhyming scheme or time scheme with this verse, I like trying to challenge myself with odd timed vocals to write music to, but thats just my opinion. Anyways, let me know what you think, not the best I know, but a kid can try, right?
I swear to god I heard you moving
Wide awake now I come to my senses
It's too early and too late
Come sun-up we'll start our journey
We'll lose track of time in each other's eyes
I'll lose everything except that night
And memories can't help describe
The joy of waking up next to you
CHORUS
You're my success
I have you and nothing left to prove
And I'm heartless
Only cause my heart belongs to you
Your lips were made for my dreams
I'll touch them softly in my sleep
Am I unconcsious or awake?
Come sunrise distant memories
That night I slept and still loved you
Woke up, realized that my love grew
I pray for you to love me too
Cause that's a gift I can never buy
CHORUS
Anywho, I was playing around and trying to make both verses mirror eachother, as in: the first two lines deal with sleep, the third lines feature a contrast, and the fourth lines deal with the sun rising. Lines 5-8 of both verses feature the same rhyme scheme, but alliterating the opposite sounds (i,i,i,u for the first verse and u,u,u,i for the second verse).
Finally, here's the first verse of a song I just started writing. It's about waiting for something you can't stand waiting for.
We've waited days for this
Hours stood on end and toppled like skyscrapers
But they don't disappear without a fight
They stretch to survive
Grabbing at our heals to slow down time and not letting go
And the next waits in line
Patient as to draw this out
So drain me of this blood
Pumping through my veins in slow motion
And replace it with that which will cooperate
Fast forward through this slow dance of life
Allow one more day to pass by
Obviously, I'm not limiting myself with a rhyming scheme or time scheme with this verse, I like trying to challenge myself with odd timed vocals to write music to, but thats just my opinion. Anyways, let me know what you think, not the best I know, but a kid can try, right?