first song ever written...

[soreloser]

Johnny Says Don't Slit Your Wrists

do you remember...
all the times i screamed your name
my tears bite back as bad... as i want you here with me
you make my blood boil but i explode with tears
and i just want you to know that

id hate your guts (if you had any)
i call you out (but you dont hear me)
and if you do... give me a sign
that tells me... tells me..

what a day i remember...
you told me this might be the end
i said no, i need you here with me
you cried "you're the only one"
im the only one... only one... {who can't stand to hear your name}

id hate your guts (if you had any)
i call you out (but you dont hear me)
and if you do... give me a sign
that tells me... tells me..
you're a coward.. you were the only one for me
(you're a coward.. you were the only one for me)
dont come back to me, even in a dream
i dont want to see your face
ever again.. ever again...
don't come back to me.. you're the only one

hey.. please give me some feedback on how i could fix it, tryin to get some skills to write for my band

[popdisaster530]

"you're a coward.. you were the only one for me
(you're a coward.. you were the only one for me)"

I think itd be cool if u'd have two different people sing these contradicting points, and also at the very end, tho uve probly already thought of that. great song...

[Touched]

"id hate your guts (if you had any)"

Good stuff, even better considering it's your first. :)

[TheFallenScene]

I won't say the song is completely horrible for your first try. But "practice makes perfect"! Another song titled something about suicide, change that. "I'd hate your guts (if you had any)", yeah, I just really hope that this is the first song you have written. Change the lyrics about the "guts!"..Ahh..wow..

I have to admitt though, your song is better than most of the posts recently on here.

[para ser libre]

For a first try, i'll admit it was ok...

Probably far better than my first attempts at songs, which sounded like 3 grade love poems to a girl you hate...

now they just love letters written to the girl that broke my heart in 3rd grade, Man i am SO emo.....OR NOT

back to the subject, it's alright, but yeah CHANGE "GUTS"....keep at it kid

[soreloser]

Originally posted by TheFallenScene
I won't say the song is completely horrible for your first try. But "practice makes perfect"! Another song titled something about suicide, change that. "I'd hate your guts (if you had any)", yeah, I just really hope that this is the first song you have written. Change the lyrics about the "guts!"..Ahh..wow..

I have to admitt though, your song is better than most of the posts recently on here.

ya.. it really is my first song and after reading it again and seeing all your comments i must agree that it isnt the best song ever wrote but im still happy with it, i can only get better from there lol.

[blink182drumagh]

this is actually a great song...and dont u hate it when people tell u that the hole:
1. suicide
2. popularity
3. love
4. friends

they saw that is all cliche but its like wat the hell.....do u want me 2 write about candyland?? but good song and dont worry about most of the things people say on here (peire da ladabe)(or w.e the fuck his sn is....wat a ***)

peace

[para ser libre]

Originally posted by blink182drumagh
but good song and dont worry about most of the things people say on here (peire da ladabe)(or w.e the fuck his sn is....wat a ***)

peace



HA... HAHAHA, HA HA, HA...oh wait...what was so funny?

Wow nothing is cooler than actually spelling someones name wrong on purpose to make themself look cool, when all they would have to do is scroll up 2 clicks

and on top of that "wat a ***"...dude, your calling me a *** and you spell what as WAT, so shut the fuck up....

but yeah don't worry all those 12 year old girls still think your cool, even after this post... so i guess just keep doing whatever it is your doing to attract them you fucking HOMO...

[blink182drumagh]

Originally posted by para ser libre
HA... HAHAHA, HA HA, HA...oh wait...what was so funny?

Wow nothing is cooler than actually spelling someones name wrong on purpose to make themself look cool, when all they would have to do is scroll up 2 clicks

and on top of that "wat a ***"...dude, your calling me a *** and you spell what as WAT, so shut the fuck up....

but yeah don't worry all those 12 year old girls still think your cool, even after this post... so i guess just keep doing whatever it is your doing to attract them you fucking HOMO...


its funny though cuz u think im like hurtin when ur sayin this stuff but there is a thing called carin which im definetly not doin rite now so w/e dude...by the way (wat's) wrong w/ gettin 12 yr old gurls...

wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat watwat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat


merry christmas u cock suckin bastard

and a happy new year...

[popdisaster530]

Sorry andrew, not with you on this one, first of all, its Para ser Libre, and it means "TO be free" in spanish, i think. Secondly, work on spelling(what the fuck is "carin"?!?!?!"

[blink182drumagh]

Originally posted by popdisaster530
Sorry andrew, not with you on this one, first of all, its Para ser Libre, and it means "TO be free" in spanish, i think. Secondly, work on spelling(what the fuck is "carin"?!?!?!"

when have u been w/ me?
think of one exmaple and in the mean time

fuck society and its rules
live ur life free w/ no remorse

peace

[xAlexisonfirex]

Originally posted by blink182drumagh
when have u been w/ me?
think of one exmaple and in the mean time

fuck society and its rules
live ur life free w/ no remorse

peace

Hey can you email me the tutorial on how to be as punk as you?

[popdisaster530]

ooo, id like to get my hands on one of those.

[blink182drumagh]

Originally posted by popdisaster530
ooo, id like to get my hands on one of those.

hey wil...now i feel bad now that he said that and u said that...ahhhh.....im changin startin today i promise

[xAlexisonfirex]

Youi might also want to change English, and Keyboarding teachers because yours aren't cutting it.

[blink182drumagh]

Originally posted by xAlexisonfirex
Youi might also want to change English, and Keyboarding teachers because yours aren't cutting it.

if i want comments on my typin ill ask....but y do u give a fuck on how i type?? its not like im complainin about anythin about u...

[xAlexisonfirex]

It's just annoying.

The same annoying as when black people speak ebonics.

The way you type is AOLer, that is the equivalent to real-world ebonics.

[para ser libre]

Originally posted by xAlexisonfirex

The same annoying as when black people speak ebonics.



Before you go making racist remarks...and yes by the way it was racist, b/c your generalizing on a group,....leanr to understand that a LOT of people talk ebonics, not just "blacks" as you say...

[Micah Aldridge]

Alexisonfire is my new favorite poster, hands down.

[Micah Aldridge]

Sounds like: Thursday

"()" Indicate an echo or Two voice part
"|" Third vocal Ala' TBS



Intro:
When I'm alone I scream your name
Tears held back by my violent reception
The promises you made were just a diversion
If you remember one thing (Hold this dear)

Chorus:
I'd tear your nerves (If you had any)
I'd call you out (but you won't hear me)
If you did (I'd hope you hear this)
Getting sick of desistance (You're no different)
I hope you hear this

Verse:
Days in my memory
Times you used to share with me
You cried I am the only one
Only one who could stand your voice

Chorus:
I'd tear your nerves (If you had any)
I'd call you out (but you won't hear me)
If you did (I'd hope you hear this)
Getting sick of desistance (You're no different)
I hope you hear this

Bridge:
You're a coward.. you were the only one for me
(You're a coward.. You've ruined these memories)

Modified Chorus:
I'd tear your nerves (If you had any)
I'd call you out (but you won't hear me)
If you did (I'd hope you hear this)
You're no differen't
I hope you hear this
(You were the only one for me|It's no differn't)
I hope you hear this
(You've ruined all my memories| We're no differn't)


*********************************** *****************
Holla for the Micah remix

weeeee I'm so bored at work, so very bored...

[xAlexisonfirex]

Originally posted by para ser libre
Before you go making racist remarks...and yes by the way it was racist, b/c your generalizing on a group,....leanr to understand that a LOT of people talk ebonics, not just "blacks" as you say...

Oh god dude, that wasn't racist....everybody is looking for something to complain about these days.

[para ser libre]

Originally posted by xAlexisonfirex
Youi might also want to change English, and Keyboarding teachers because yours aren't cutting it.


Oh god dude, that wasn't racist....everybody is looking for something to complain about these days



Ha Ha, Now if that isn't hipocritical...I don't know what is...

[BuriedAlive]

Originally posted by para ser libre
Ha Ha, Now if that isn't hipocritical...I don't know what is...

thats true... but the point he made was also true. i mean everyone is looking for something to complain about but yes alexisonfire does complain alot.

[soreloser]

what i don't understand is how you guys somehow find away to start an argument in every single thread on this website lol. i don't quite know how we went from my song to this... but oh well. see ya.

[Micah Aldridge]

Ouch, soreloser didn't even comment on my rewrite of his song, Sigh I guess I don't aim to please....

[soreloser]

yes, i actually was going to but i couldnt think of the right words to put it in! those are awesome lyrics! one hundred times better than i could ever come up with, i wish i had though. thank you for the input sir. :grin:

[IGuessItsOkay]

I liked the original lyrics, and I even liked guts...but then I read the modified lyrics and, wow...Those are amazing (nerves is a great substitution, i was trying to think of one but couldn't).

The basis of the newer, great version of lyrics came from the original post, and a first time writer at that. Amazing.

oh yeah...and to the blink guy/girl, you're a moron. please learn to spell and type, because people do take this site seriously...and you just come off looking like an idiot. And you don't look punk, you look MTV punk. I don't see how it is so hard to add an 'h' into the word what. I think I'll write my next song about you. look out for it.

[Micah Aldridge]

Use what you need soreloser, It is your song, those are my ideas but you wrote the outline...*cough cough corn....

Seriously though, Prior to the whole John Nolan/Adam Lazarra thing, TBS, BN, and a few other bands had a kinda of "data base" where they all put song Ideas,riffs,lyrics etc. And they shared what them came up with. I think that is why both bands had great freshman albums. Sharing rocks.

[soreloser]

here i tried to combine the two songs together with the best parts and this is what i got...

do you remember...
all the times i screamed your name
my tears bite back as bad... as i want you here with me
you make my blood boil but i explode with only tears
and i just want you to know that

id tear your nerves (if you had any)
i'd call you out (but you wont hear me)
and if you do... give me a sign
that tells me... tells me..

Days in my memory
Times you used to share with me
You cried I am the only one
Only one who could stand your voice

id tear your nerves (if you had any)
i'd call you out (but you wont hear me)
and if you do... give me a sign
that tells me... tells me..

you're a coward.. you were the only one for me
(You're a coward.. You've ruined these memories)

I'd tear your nerves (If you had any)
I'd call you out (but you won't hear me)
If you did (I'd hope you hear this)
You're no differen't
I hope you hear this
(You were the only one for me|It's no differen't)
I hope you hear this
(You've ruined all my memories| We're no differen't)

[IGuessItsOkay]

I liked the intro to the first better than the second.

[soreloser]

so u think i should change it back to...
"When I'm alone I scream your name
Tears held back by my violent reception
The promises you made were just a diversion
If you remember one thing (Hold this dear)" ?

[IGuessItsOkay]

oh yeah, I guess I didn't notice that that was Micah's addition. Either way its good, it's just that the one Micah wrote seems to connect with the rest of the song more.

[soreloser]

yes... the only reason i didnt use it is becuase i didnt quite understand what it meant and you cant really use a lyric that you dont understand, maybe if someone explained to me what reception and diversion meant in this certain circumstance i might be able to work it back in.

[Micah Aldridge]

reception:A welcome, greeting, or acceptance a friendly reception.

A social function, especially one intended to provide a welcome or greeting: a wedding reception.

Mental approval or acceptance: the reception of a new theory.

*********************************** ***************

diversion:The act or an instance of diverting or turning aside; deviation.

Something that distracts the mind and relaxes or entertains.

A maneuver that draws the attention of an opponent away from a planned point of action, especially as part of military strategy.

*********************************** ***************

When I'm alone I scream your name
Tears held back by my violent reception
The promises you made were just a diversion
If you remember one thing (Hold this dear)

In this case reception is used in the "A welcome, greeting, or acceptance", basically saying that he/she has no time for tears because right now their emotion is focused on this "violent welcome"

Diversion, this time is meant "Something that distracts the mind and relaxes or entertains." -as in her promises were lies etc. Promises are made right now, calling them diversions implys that they were never honest and well meant in the first place