Demons

[SweetPoison]

ok here's one of the poems that i'm getting published and i know that the only feedback that i'll get will be negative and stating everything that is wrong with it but whatever...She’s floatingNot caring what the world thinksBecause after allThey don’t know herSo why should she care?Society looks and they see herBut they really don’t,They see through herPast who she really is And right into the stereotypeNo one will look her in the eyeRemember she’s just a “Typical teenager causing nothing but Trouble”In realityShe’s just a Scared, lonely, and lost childWho needs helpBut no one will help her fightFight her Demons

[SweetPoison]

ok my edit button isnt working so it all ran together...not cool

[GhostMachine]

Yeah, you right about the feedback. Its nothing special. The flow was really horrible and felt like it was being forced into it and still didn't work. And it really didn't feel like there was emotion behind it.

[JimGray]

Hmm, I won't say anything about the piece, because it would be pointless to revise as it is being published, but, well congrats on being published!

[bootsydan]

Must not be too hard to get published out Alabama way?

It's just cliche, just scraping the surface of emotions. I've read it 1000x before. But anyway, you're getting published, so as Jim said ^ there isn't much point criticizing it.


Oh... Actually I can't believe you have 'fight her demons' in there. I mean, it's not plagiarism, but you couldn't get much closer to it. Especially since it's being published. That's really not good.